


Shuffle me This

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Aromantic Character, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut, alternative universe, inspired by j-drama Love Shuffle, lilSomething!Chen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-29 21:31:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 64,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: In which four very different neighbors get stuck in an elevator and somehow end up launching a social experiment called Love Shuffle, in which they each switch partners once a week.





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was certainly a journey. This would have been amazing long-term project, and yet I couldn't resist taking the prompt and trying to defy my disastrous real life to write it.  
> My eternal gratitude goes to my beta and my test-reader, who endured my _constant_ complaints and general suffering.
> 
> To the prompter: I love, love, love you for prompting this! This prompt would have deserved so much more, but I hope you can find enjoyment in this.
> 
> That goes for everyone, of course. Don't be scared, there is no need to know the source. Have fun with this little shipping nightmare! If you are willing, I would love to hear at which point you figured out the endgame ship.

It was four in the morning when Jongdae entered the elevator in the underground parking lot. Surprisingly, he wasn't alone - one of his neighbours started to pick up his pace to join him in the elevator. Not that he ran or anything - no, the slight limp in his step told Jongdae that his neighbour must have had a long day, too, so he held the door for him. They shared a sympathetic smile and then the elevator started moving.

The other was about his height, wore a baby blue dress shirt as usual, and didn't carry any bags, unlike Jongdae, whose big messenger bag was currently resting on the floor. It was a gift and made of real leather, so looking worn only added to its charm. One thing they had in common was the exhaustion on their faces, though. It wasn't too surprising - if you returned home at four o'clock, your day has probably been at least a little miserable, Jongdae reasoned. This guy clearly didn't come from a party, nor a drinking event with co-workers, for he didn't reek of alcohol. His hair was a wild mess, making Jongdae assume he had the habit of running his hand through it. These were all bits of information he just took in without really processing or judging, when the elevator came to a halt way too early, at the first floor. The doors opened to reveal not one, but two more passengers, including one familiar face. It was the tall, handsome neighbour he sometimes saw, with the sloppy fashion (usually consisting of an adidas tracksuit) and crazy hair. Today it was dyed in a red so shocking it was almost offensive. It almost blocked out the other person who was much shorter, maybe even shorter than Jongdae himself, and dressed in black from head to toe. He looked stern and intimidating, but Jongdae was a bit too tired to let that get to him.

"Which floor?" he asked, fingers hovering over the number board. He knew adidas jacket lived on his floor, but he'd never seen the other one. Big eyes flitted to the number board, and then to him, all steady and earnest.

"This one's fine."

Jongdae blinked, the indication belatedly reaching him. They all lived on the same floor? Meaning that the little crow was the missing mystery neighbour he'd never seen before?

A small huff to his left made him turn to the equally tired out brunet.

"What a coincidence," he said with a small grin, and Jongdae hummed.

The elevator continued its smooth ascent.

Jongdae shuffled a bit with his feet, feeling a little self-conscious in his oversized coat, shorts and white socks. It was easy and fun to be fashionable among like-minded people, but being in an enclosed space with regular - and quite handsome - guys was a little pressuring. He couldn't help eyeing the others all the same though, wondering what could possible keep them out of their apartments until four in the morning. He occasionally met the tall guy at odd hours, and sometimes even the blue collared guy who was currently staring at the ground with glassy eyes. The tall one had nice facial proportions: prominent, straight nose, lips of a nice volume, well-shaped brows and rather wide eyes to soften the effect and create a sense of childishness - he couldn't help seeing this, it was part of his job, and Jongdae was already mentally dressing him out of his sweatpants. And into something else. Either way, he looked much less cheerful today, and instead of a twinkle in his eyes, his expression was rather sullen and dull. Jongdae would certainly not be the one to intrude in front of the others and further ruin his day at the crack of dawn. After all, he had no idea where the guy had spent his night and what his occupation was, anyway.

The guy dressed in all black though... all black was such a fashion-related combination, something many designers and stylists liked to go for, but Jongdae definitely got no fashion vibes from him at all. He looked more like a hacker with the laptop bag slung around his shoulder. Their eyes met just as the elevator came to a rather sudden halt with a jerk, and all of them snapped back into it.

"Oh my god, what happened?" the brunet _squeaked._ Now Jongdae was just concerned they would be stuck in an elevator with someone claustrophobic.

The guy in black stared around the elevator unhappily while the lanky one seemed the most calm. He just walked over to the number panel, sullenly pushed a few buttons and with a little clank, the light went out.

"What did you _do_?"

"Nothing," replied a deep, raspy voice, and Jongdae was momentarily distracted from the current disaster.

"Can you stop pushing random buttons," a third voice popped up, all melodic and obviously annoyed.

The other's retorts were drowned out by another sound, followed by the emergency lights fluttering on. The brunet and the tall one sighed simultaneously - one in relief, the other in defeat.

"I guess we're stuck?" Jongdae asked into the small room.

The brunet hummed and all but slid down to the floor like a puppet whose strings got cut.

"Goddammit, my feet are _dead_ ," he complained, and Jongdae considered joining him - but the judgmental glare from the hacker guy was a little intimidating. The guy on the ground only stuck out his tongue like a kid, and awkward silence fell upon them. Usually, Jongdae was an expert on resolving tension, on ensuring that everyone felt comfortable, but it was also four in the morning, and he'd spent hours doing just that. He was a little burnt out right now.

Then a sniff cut through the silence.

"Are you... crying?" the hacker slowly asked, and it wasn't the guy on the floor but, the tall one still standing at the number board with his back to them. Another unattractive snort wordlessly confirmed the question and, the brunet jumped to his feet, suddenly very awake and worried.

"Hey, hey... are you afraid? It's okay, elevators have safety measures, nothing is gonna crash here," he said earnestly with a palm on the other's upper arm. Funny, considering he himself had been panicking before.

Jongdae had also stepped closer, eyeing the first tear that rolled down a red cheek. Even the hacker stepped closer, looking mildly alarmed. The other bit his lips and shook his head.

"'s nothing," he mumbled, rubbing his sleeves over his face haphazardly. "I'm not scared. Just. Today just sucked, I hate this day and it just won't end and now the elevator is stuck, too-" he forced out between quiet sobs. Jongdae was at a loss. First of all, he didn't know this guy at all, and he had gone from someone with a steady, manly voice in one second to a crying child in the next. This looked a lot like a case of too much stress and a lack of sleep though - something he encountered a lot at work, and he would have loved to distract him, but the whole situation didn't offer him any options.

"What happened?" the brunet asked without hesitation, and that made the other sniff even louder, just as predicted.

"I missed my train and forgot my lunch and work was shit and then I was _dumped_ ," he listed in the typical fashion of someone bordering on breaking down, and the brunet and Jongdae shared a sympathetic grimace. Ouch.

"Come here, sit down and relax, maybe try to take a nap," the brunet proposed, tugging him to the ground. Without hesitation, Jongdae shrugged off his coat to drape it around his shoulders. It reeked of countless different perfumes, smoke and styling products, but the other didn't complain. Jongdae and the brunet sank to the ground on each side of him, out of solidarity - or for comfort reasons, to be perfectly truthful.

"Through text," the redhead hiccuped, drawing the coat close as if it was his own blanket, "and then I went to her house after work, and she didn't even want to see my face-"

 _She and her. Well, those pronouns were a little disappointing but not surprising_ , Jongdae thought.

"So you just came from her front door? At this time?" the hacker said skeptically and _oh_ , right. That was weird. "Are you a stalker or something?"

That seemed to have hit a sensitive point, and the other broke down completely.

"I'm _not_! I just wanted to see her and clear this up and apologize- but she doesn't want me anymore," he ended, going from defensive to silent and broken which was even worse to Jongdae.

"No need to be a bitch now," the brunet said to the hacker with a frown, but the other wasn't fazed.

"If he was that clingy all the time, the question of 'why' might have been answered already."

Now the brunet just gaped.

"What is _wrong_ with you? He just got dumped by his girlfriend!"

The redhead sniffed as he heard it said out loud like that - the brunet didn't notice, too engrossed in confronting the other - and Jongdae placed an arm around his shoulders with a compassionate look. Not that he could relate, being the eternal virgin that he was.

"So? It's not the end of the world," the hacker argued with crossed arms, looking a bit irked himself right now. "Relationships come and go, and if she dumped you like that, it was obviously not even worth the effort."

"How can you be so insensitive?! You know nothing about them-"

"Neither do you-"

" _Guys_ ," Jongdae interrupted them in the loud, urgent tone that got him attention on busy backstage rooms, too, "stop it. Who knows how long we'll be stuck in here - you wanna spend the next few hours yelling at each other?"

For a second, it was quiet as the other two stared at each other, full of challenge that burned bright in the brunet's eyes and simmered low in the hacker's. Jongdae didn't know them well enough to regulate this situation, and tensely awaited the next reaction.

The hacker relented, and with a sigh, he settled on the ground, too.

"You're right."

Jongdae relaxed immediately. This was perfect, and there was no more need to worry. Currently they had one sobbing young man, another very social, albeit heated one and a silent force that bowed to reason first. Not a very fun combination, but at least this wouldn't escalate into a fist fight anytime soon. Jongdae wasn't a psychologist by any means, but his job consisted of coordinating and aiding wherever he was needed in order to ensure a smooth process. This included dealing with high strung people more often than not, and three people were actually a manageable number. He was still incredibly tired, but the sight of the silently crying man next to him couldn't be ignored.

"I'm Kim Jongdae," he said, offering his free hand first to the brunet first. The other gratefully took the change in topic and atmosphere.

"Byun Baekhyun," he replied with an easy smile, and then Jongdae turned to the hacker, who didn't hesitate to accept his handshake as well.

"Do Kyungsoo."

Curt, but not hostile. Before Jongdae could initiate anything, the redhead shook his hand, too.

"I'm Chanyeol," he said, despite being full on crying. The sight of a grown man being tucked into his side and awkwardly shaking his hand made Jongdae huff out a laugh before he knew it. The brunet smiled, too, before shuffling closer to channel his attention back on him.

"Now, now," he began, straightening the other's clothes and placing a hand on his thigh, "You wanna talk about it? Dishing things to strangers can help, you know?"

Of course Chanyeol wanted to talk about it. Kyungsoo interrupted him only a minute into the tale.

"So you haven't even been together for that long. How can you fall so hard in a couple months? Isn't that exhausting?"

Chanyeol looked at him defensively.

"What am I supposed to do about it? We were together and everything was going so well-"

"To you, maybe," came the swift reply, and Baekhyun glared at the insensitive guy.

"That's how love works - you have no control over it. You know, one would think you've never been in love."

This seemed to irk Kyungsoo, who leaned back against the elevator wall. Not a sign of relaxation but distance from the conversation, Jongdae interpreted.

"I have been in love, for your information, it’s just not the _world_ for me - I’d rather concentrate on self-fulfillment, and things like love just get in the way."

The brunet opened his mouth to protest, but Kyungsoo didn't let him.

"At the end of the day, it's all nothing but a certain cocktail of hormones. A smart concept of evolution to keep a species going. I'd rather chase a more individual, advanced type of happiness."

"How can you be so dead inside-"

"Does this mean I'm an evolutionary fail?" Chanyeol interrupted the bickering duo. He had stopped sobbing for now, but his eyes were still red and cheeks wet.

"Because I keep falling in love way too often and when I get dumped, I feel like dying?"

Jongdae wanted to ruffle the hair of the dramatic bundle of misery, but they were definitely still strangers. Baekhyun grimaced a little at both of the opposing opinions lingering in the air.

"I don't know man. According to _this_ guy you’d be perfectly normal,” he said, unable to resist a jab at an unfazed-looking Kyungsoo. “Still though. Are you absolutely certain it's not just a crush sometimes? Sometimes you do just get horny, sometimes you fancy a person... but real love grows and if it's returned, it's the best thing to ever happen, right?" he half-stated, half-asked into the round. At the sight of unimpressed Kyungsoo and sniffling Chanyeol, he finally turned to Jongdae.

" _Right_? What do _you_ think?"

Being pulled into the spotlight with a controversial question wasn't a desirable position to be in, and with three pairs of eyes on him, Jongdae hesitated.

"Uhm. I guess?" he began - an answer that satisfied none of the three, and Jongdae gave up already. "I don't know, okay? I know all about the falling in love part - it's the 'getting others to return my feelings' part that's giving me trouble," he said jokingly. Though every joke harbours a piece of truth, as his father used to say.

"All those lovey dovey couples look happy, but love seems to be something that's avoiding me at all costs," he added, laughing a bit. It was nothing new, really. He wasn't exactly outstanding in any area and living in a world full of extravagance, people weren't inclined to pay attention to the shortie who ran around events with a clipboard.

With a thoughtful hum, Baekhyun leaned back against the elevator wall, too, obviously thinking of something - maybe trying to adjust his world view to the new input the other three had provided him with- while Chanyeol looked up at him earnestly.

"Why would no one want to be with you? Were you too timid to make a move? Sometimes, you really need to spell it out for people-"

"That's nice and all but thanks, I tried that before," Jongdae said, politely shrugging the other off. He wasn't really in the mood to list all his failed attempts at building up a love life to a guy he never talked to before. Jongdae didn't mind all that much if people made a fool out of him in public but that didn't mean he was jumping at any given opportunity to do it himself.

"If they were too blind to see you, then there's no use trying to force it," Kyungsoo said calmly, and Jongdae shrugged.

"You're probably right."

"But isn't it a proof of your love to fight for someone? Fate can't do _everything_ for you, right?" Chanyeol asked, sounding genuinely intrigued.

"I don't know. To me it means that I'm happy when they're happy," Jongdae said, feeling like a simpleton.

"Your idea of love could obstruct your own happiness," Kyungsoo said almost accusingly, and Jongdae was ready to laugh it off when Baekhyun suddenly demanded attention, having been ignored for an extremely rude full minute.

"Guys, guys, guys!" he said, and the way he moved and talked suggested that he had gone beyond the state of being tired and drowsy and moved on to being tired and hyper.

"I just got an idea. An amazing idea. I bet it will cheer you up, Chanyeol."

"I don't like that look on your face," Kyungsoo said warily, and Jongdae had to agree. The other paused dramatically, a clear sign that he was about to say something possibly outrageous. Chanyeol looked excited and weirdly hopeful.

"Okay, hear me out-"

With a clank, the elevator came back to life.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Outrageous? Yes.

Scandalous and unorthodox? Oh _yes_.

And yet Jongdae found himself sitting at a long table amongst 7 other people on a Friday evening. Three of them were his neighbours he'd met that fateful night in the elevator a week ago.

Do Kyungsoo - still dressed mostly in black but with a few white accents on his dress shirt - sat to his right, while Kim Minseok sat to his left. To be very honest, he and Minseok weren't exactly close friends. They were colleagues at best. But everyone had to bring in a plus one, and this was Jongdae's.

Across him sat Chanyeol, still sporting fiery red hair that clashed so badly with the vibrant orange hair of his own plus one that Jongdae found it hard not to stare. It would look fantastic on both of them, if only they weren’t sitting so closely together. Carrot head looked really moody and intimidating, quite unlike Baekhyun's plus one - a calm, mature-looking young man who was talking to Baekhyun in a low voice, fingers wandering over the menu. Baekhyun nodded and then his plus one got up, presumably to order something.

"Alright!" he began, clapping his hands. He was so much more awake now, all brimming with excitement and life.

"First of all, I gotta thank you for attending this little get-together - I welcome you to be part of a little social experiment I call the Love Shuffle!"

He paused dramatically again, but no one seemed inclined to say anything or announce they got the wrong table only to get up and leave.

"The name is kinda dumb," Kyungsoo provided blankly, earning himself a snicker from Chanyeol, but Baekhyun was undeterred.

"Oh hush. As you probably all know, this will be a little project focused on love. Everyone practices love very differently, but there's rarely an opportunity to exchange experiences or actually try to step out of your comfort zone because that's a big gamble that might affect your daily life, right? Not to mention all the necessary commitment..." he trailed off, looking around the table with a meaningful look. Jongdae didn't feel addressed, but maybe someone else did.

"So instead of broadening our horizons, we're just kinda stuck with the same routine, be it a fulfilling one or not. That's why we all gathered here, though - to break the routine for a while and try something new."

He had to hand it to Baekhyun - the other seemed to have prepared his words well enough but also presented them with the ease of someone working around and together with people.  
  
"Basically, we'll switch partners. For a full week, you can experience what it's like to date that person. Every Sunday, we'll draw the partners for the following week. So your own partner aside, there are three people left for you to date."

Everyone was paying their utmost attention now, though Jongdae _did_ vaguely notice Baekhyun's company slipping back into his seat. So the set of neighbours would switch their partners - that much Jongdae had known when he entered the deserted restaurant. Now, though, he could catch an actual glimpse at the people he'd get the chance to date, just for a week. There was the pale, moody-looking guy Chanyeol had brought, the laid-back guy with the dimpled smile who had placed their orders and-

He craned his neck a bit to catch a look at Kyungsoo's plus one. He saw a mop of brown curls and a face he'd love to study closer when Baekhyun's attention-commanding voice returned.

"This is the part where you all ask questions about anything concerning you or rules you'd like to be clear about," he said. Kyungsoo raised a hand, and when Baekhyun said "Yes?" he immediately countered that Baekhyun had hardly given them specifics to actually work with. The hacker's plus one spoke up.

"Are there any rules on how far we can go?"

His voice was lighter and softer than Kyungsoo's and sounded way more boyish. Baekhyun grinned like a cheshire cat.

"Oh, we're all adults here. If you just wanna hold hands, that's fine. If you think dating equals lots of kinky sex on every flat surface that can hold you two, that's perfectly fine, too."

Chanyeol shot him a judgmental side glance while Jongdae just looked worried.

"Is all this really okay with you?" he asked cautiously. "After all, we're all single and ready to mingle, but you're kind of. Well. His _boyfriend_."

The guy looked at him for the first time that evening, and he radiated kindness and a soft demeanour.

"Don't you worry about that. We wouldn't be sitting here if I wasn't," he said in that deceivingly sweet tone. 'Deceiving', because the words themselves spoke of a certain dominance. Baekhyun still beamed.

"Great. Any more questions? No? Well, you'll probably think of them along the way. How about we all introduce ourselves first?"

This was the part Jongdae had been waiting for - he'd been intrigued by this whole idea of a shuffling game, but the participants were definitely the factor that would decide it. Jongdae would have to _date_ them, after all - even if only for a week.

Baekhyun turned to his boyfriend with an easy smile.

"How about we start with your end of the table?"

He received a small, relaxed smile in return and then the other looked into the round.

"It's nice to meet you all," he began with a polite nod. "I'm Zhang Yixing, 28, and a kindergarten teacher. I believe I'm easy to be around and have no specific expectations for this game."

Yes, definitely a teacher. Jongdae couldn't really imagine dating him, but he was pretty handsome and seemed interesting to talk to.

"He's amazing, obviously," Baekhyun said with a level of pride that was endearing. "I'm Baekhyun, 26, working at the big 24/7 supermarket next to the city radio station and a switch," he ended after rattling everything down with a certain routine, a meaningful lilt to his voice towards the end.

Chanyeol's eyebrows scrunched together for a second before understanding and embarrassment obviously took over. Jongdae shook his head with an exasperated smile. He was glad that Baekhyun was not a dating option to him - the other seemed like quite a handful. It took a nudge to his ribs to get the flustered redhead to go next.

"Park Chanyeol. I'm a music producer and DJ, currently single. Oh, and I'm 24," he added belatedly, having forgotten about that detail over naming his occupation and relationship status. He was probably very passionate about his work.

Next to him, the aristocratic-looking boy in the chic clothing spoke up.

"Oh Sehun, 22. I'm a friend of Yeol’s and aromantic."

A mixture between a hum and a question ran through the air. Jongdae knew of aromantic people but had never met one in person, so he was a little curious, too. He didn't seem inclined to say any more though, so the person opposite of him - Kyungsoo's plus one - spoke up.

"Hello. I'm Kim Jongin, 22 years old as well. I'm a part timer - sometimes I model."

Jongdae craned his head to get a good look at him. The model part was obviously true, Jongdae would've been able to tell even if he weren't in the fashion business. Other than that, he gave off a soft and innocent vibe.

"I- I hope we'll get along well," he ended slightly awkwardly, and Kyungsoo didn't give anyone time to coo at him.

"He's my ex," he stated bluntly, and that was a chunk of info Jongdae would have liked to process, but Kyungsoo moved on already.

"I'm Do Kyungsoo, 23, and a programer - I usually work pretty regular 8 to 5 shifts and am free outside of those."

"Well, mornings and nights are the times that matter, anyway, right?" Baekhyun asked so sleazily that Kyungsoo’s returning glare could have set him on fire.

It was Jongdae’s turn now. He looked into the round, from Yixing on the left to Sehun on the right.

"Hi. I'm Jongdae, 24 years old and work in the fashion business. I've actually never been in a relationship, so I might be a little awkward. Sorry in advance."

"So pure!" Baekhyun cooed, and Jongdae laughed awkwardly. Well, it was better to put the cards on the table right away. Even his co-worker Minseok gave him an amused look, though, which was not helping. On seeing Jongdae’s defiant gaze, the other shrugged and smiled into the round.

"I'm Kim Minseok, a co-worker of Jongdae's. I work extremely irregular shifts, but I'll make all the time I can for this."

"And your age?" Yixing surprisingly asked, looking a bit intrigued. Jongdae could hardly blame him for that - Minseok looked mature and had a fit body, but he had the face of a porcelain puppet. It was a little off-putting to some.

"Old enough," Minseok countered surprisingly flirty, making Jongdae feel inadequate at all this already. No one was more gleeful at this exchange than Baekhyun, though, who clapped his hands to get their attention back on him.

"Nice! Now that we have this down, it's time for the big question - who's in on this?"

His choice of words and tone were encouraging, probably unconsciously trying to get people to agree and join him. He'd claimed to just work at a supermarket like it was nothing, but he was obviously someone of a higher position at his job.

Jongdae looked around, looking for doubts on people's faces. Most of them seemed to have joined this table with a clear enough idea of what they'd sign up for. Most of them seemed easy-going enough and probably supported the attitude that there was nothing to lose, Jongdae included. Heck, it was a kinda crazy idea, and he wasn't expecting to find true love in this round, but why not play around and experience what a relationship could be like? Sharing your time and maybe even a bit of your personal space... why not? He was an adult. Granted, he might be a bit desperate. But this game was what you made of it, nothing more, nothing less.

With that in mind, he raised his hand, looking around to see everyone else raising their hands - even the grumpy programer had done so without hesitation.

Baekhyun was ecstatic.

"No doubts? No? Great! I say we start next Monday. I also suggest we draw partners right now, since you're probably busy, and we're all together now?"

"You're really into this," Chanyeol said rather quietly as if he expected Baekhyun to snap at him - the other only patted his shoulder heavily.

"Show some enthusiasm!"

His boyfriend calmly pulled out a couple playing cards that were obviously chosen beforehand. As he shuffled two separate, tiny stacks, Baekhyun rambled on.

"Us four get a red card since we live on the same floor and stuff, and the others get a black one. Black queen and red queen will go together, black ace and red ace, and so on and so forth. If anyone draws his original partner, we'll draw again."

Jongdae was only half-paying attention to be completely honest because he was one of the first to get a card. His card showed a red ace. A heart, even. It made him feel strangely sentimental. As Yixing kept handing out cards without looking at them, Jongdae wondered what the counterpart to his heart might be. Just for a fun little test run, that is.

He waited until everyone had a card - Minseok was looking at a black jack while Kyungsoo had a red queen. Then he ignored people asking questions and just looked at their revealed cards until he found the ace of spades.

In the hands of Jongin.

Their eyes met, Jongin smiled shyly and suddenly, Jongdae wasn't so sure he knew what he had signed up for anymore.


	2. Round 1

 

Everything about Jongin looked really soft.

His skin looked smooth, and it had a warm color that complimented his brown hair and eyes. He wore a simple hoodie and, to outsiders, there was not a hint of model to him. Jongdae wouldn't be so arrogant as to say he saw something others didn't, after all, models were just people, too. What he _could_ say, however, was that Jongin was handsome in a way where you couldn't help but study his face closely as he talked, watching the way he blinked or moved his lips and how every little change in emotion changed his whole expression ever so subtly. It was natural charisma shyly peeking out from below a slightly unruly fringe and a hoodie that was starting to pile around the shoulders.

 

Last Sunday evening, the neighbours had met in their shared hallway, drinking tea around a low table Chanyeol had put there for them to use. Kyungsoo had shot him an unimpressed look, wishing him good luck with Jongin, and mentioned that there was more to him than what met the eye. It hadn't sounded like a 'he's more than just a pretty face' but more like a 'watch your back around him'.

Looking at Jongin now, and at the way he subtly lickeded for the faint remains of whipped cream around the cup's rim, Jongdae couldn't say he felt threatened in any way. But the word of an ex-lover was to be taken with with a grain of salt, anyway.

 

"So you live next to Soo?"

Jongdae momentarily put his fork of cheesecake down to fully focus on the conversation.

"Yeah - though I’ve never seen him before. Our working shifts don't exactly overlap," he offered easily, and Jongin grinned.

"Soo just works like a mad man, it's not on you. He doesn't know when to quit. But we shouldn't talk about him right now, should we?"

The question had an odd undertone to it, a bit too light - Jongdae felt like it was an attempt at hiding a certain weight. This was probably what the commoners called flirting. Sadly, Jongdae was naturally oblivious to flirting and unable to practice it himself.

This may be the most worrying aspect of this game. He was willing to act out a relationship, but he had no idea where to start or what to _really_ expect. So he did something he could do for now and that was getting to know Jongin. Jongin, the versatile part timer whose heart really was in the modelling and who hoped to make a name for himself one day. The awkwardness was thankfully avoided when they realized they were sort of working in the same industry. Overcome by curiosity, Jongin seemed to forget all about their supposed relationship and just shot a dozen questions at him, asking about his experience, advice or unwritten taboos for models. It was nice and easy, talking to him like this. Only when they finally reached a lull in the conversation did Jongin seem to _remember_ and the hand covering his over the table startled Jongdae.

"So what are you gonna do after this?" he asked innocently while Jongdae deliberately didn't stare at their hands. He didn't swat him away either - they _were_ a couple for this week, after all. And it wasn't entirely uncomfortable, just unexpected.

"Oh. I'm... not sure yet. It's already quiet late, and I gotta get up early tomorrow," Jongdae replied airily, wondering whether he was imagining the fingers to slowly trace up to his wrist.

"You're a bad riser, too?" Jongin asked empathetically, and suddenly Jongdae felt like their small age gap was reversed. It was something in his eyes, something that spoke an entirely different language than his innocent words did.

"I definitely need help waking up, too," Jongin added quietly, and whatever was going on between the lines right now, it made Jongdae uncomfortable.

He tugged his hand out of the other's grasp with a tight smile.

A pout flashed over Jongin's expression but it was gone as quick as it had appeared.

"Yeah. Coffee usually helps," Jongdae said, hoping his voice was even. Jongin pouted for real this time.

"Coffee tastes like poison."

Jongdae laughed at the childish statement coming from a boy who worked at an ice cream café.

 

Their date ended innocuously enough with them chatting and planning to maybe watch some movies together soon because that's what you did on dates, right? When Jongin started to rub their legs together under the table without so much as batting an eyelash, Jongdae was getting nervous though. When he slipped out of his shoe to rub his sock-clad foot up higher and higher, - getting close to where Jongdae surely never had had someone’s _foot_ before - asking whether they should go and watch movies right now in a flirty tone... Jongdae pulled his chair back, left money for the coffee, muttered something about being late for _something_ with a strained smile and fled the scene.

  
  


* * *

 

 

"So... aromantic, huh?"

Dark red wine was flooding the wall of the glass, smooth, pungent, and graceful, and for a while, Baekhyun's eyes were fixed on it. It brought fond memories with it. Sweet and heady promises with that mature, slightly bitter tang to it.

"Yeap."

At the sound of the voice, Baekhyun snapped back into it and shot a flirty look over his shoulder to where Sehun sat on his couch, laid back and watching him.

"So you're just in it for sex?" Baekhyun asked, and his eyes were sparkling.

Sehun raised his brows just as he shrugged, and the gesture could have meant a dozen things. Baekhyun was an optimist, and saw it as an invitation.

"Great."

He turned around and lifted one of the two filled wine glasses, a questioning look on his face.

"You want some?"

Sehun stared back at him, giving him a once-over that made him feel tingly.

"You need some?" he asked back, and with pursed lips, Baekhyun placed both glasses down with a soft click. Then, he slowly walked over to settle himself right on Sehun's lap, straddling him with strong thighs and further supporting himself with a palm on the other's broad shoulders.

"No wine it is, then," he whispered.

Sehun licked his lips, and Baekhyun followed the movement. With his lips.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Overreacted.

Yes, Jongdae had clearly overreacted on the day before.

Jongin was just a perfectly normal young man trying to be in a relationship with him for a week. Of course he'd show harmless affection and flirted with him - just because Jongdae was such an inexperienced prude- okay, no. He didn't think of himself as a prude per se. It was just something about Jongin himself, about the contradiction between childish sulking and legs rubbing up against his. Strange signals Jongdae didn't know how to react to. _Or maybe the issue was something different entirely_ , he thought to himself as he took the stairs to Jongin's apartment on Tuesday night. If he earnestly thought about it... no one had ever really hit on him, not quite like Jongin had. Sure, sleazy middle-aged women would make creepy comments when they were drunk, and sometimes, a rare weirdo would come up to him in questionable ways. Jongin was probably more on the trashy side of pick-up techniques, but he also only had a week. Was he planning on sleeping with him by the end of the week?

Jongdae hadn't really considered this and felt kinda stupid now. He should have been aware of this, probably. For a second, he felt like a kid who had squeezed himself into a game for grown ups. Then Jongin opened the door with a brilliant smile, sweater paws lingering on the door handle, and Jongdae felt much more reassured already.

 

They spent the evening watching movies, and it felt like a real date - at least the kind of dates Jongdae had had as a teen (and had never gotten any further); they watched an action-packed series full of fancy costumes for Jongdae to make remarks about and a plot that kept them at the edge of their seats. But at the same time, Jongdae was overly aware of the handsome young man sitting very close, the light scent of his shampoo (or aftershave) lingering in the air, a little sharp, a little musky. Jongdae really did feel like a teenager again.

And it was... exciting. There wasn't even real commitment behind this - one week of being a couple, no strings attached.

Feeling curious and brave, Jongdae placed his head on Jongin's shoulder, carefully grasping his arm, hoping he wasn’t inviting anything too crass. Jongin intertwined their fingers without hesitation, and Jongdae was aware of his naive nature, but this mere touch was both exciting and grounding. He didn't feel like paying attention to the movie anymore and closed his eyes to really focus on the feeling of a warm, solid body against his. It wasn't like Jongdae was averse to skinship - if he felt like it, he could be touchy, but he could keep his distance just the same. But he couldn't remember the last time he had so openly cuddled with someone in a less platonic way.

The light was blocked when Jongin shifted to pull him into a hug, the pose slightly strained and awkward for him. It all happened slowly, and the feeling of Jongin nosing around his neck had Jongdae's cheeks heat up immediately. It wasn't entirely new or uncomfortable, but he did only meet this person the day before. He watched the long line of caramel-colored skin, exposed by the loose sweater. His lips were almost touching the skin. He just had to fill the gap. Could he do that? Jongdae hesitated, but the other's scent was clouding his judgement just as much as the fingers curling in his hair.

_Be in a relationship for one week, no strings attached._

The hand in his hair tightened when Jongdae mouthed at warm skin, but quickly loosened up again. Jongdae felt hot and a little dizzy, but Jongin, fatally attractive Jongin, was currently _sighing_ , and it put him at ease.

That ease turned into immediate alarm when he sense fingers touching the button on his pants. His fingers flew up to stop Jongin by his arm, and with an unhappy sound in the back of his throat, the other used his weight to push Jongdae down until he was hovering above him, lying half between his legs. Jongdae felt a jolt of arousal and a much stronger one of panic.

"Let's not-" he began, slightly helpless and cut off by Jongin grasping his shoulders and burying his face into Jongdae's neck, leaving languid yet hard kisses along his throat. Oh god. Jongdae took back everything he'd prematurely thought - he may be ready for a bit of fooling around, but he was not ready for Jongin fumbling with the buttons of his pants already. No way.

"Nope, definitely not-" he mumbled, pushing Jongin away just enough to gracelessly roll off the couch and almost hit his head. Jongin was staring at him in something akin to frustration, and while Jongdae felt bad about being a prude, Jongin hadn’t stopped when he had shown signs of being uncomfortable. They looked at each other for a second, and Jongdae had no idea what was running through his mind. When Jongin reached out for him, though, the spell was broken and Jongdae jumped to his feet to leave. He stumbled over his own feet on the way to the door. Jongin was neither complaining nor laughing, and Jongdae didn’t look back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Do you want seconds?"

Yixing took his time to put the glass of water down before he smiled at Kyungsoo.

"I'd actually enjoy another serving, but I'm afraid I'd be too stuffed for dessert, then."

Kyungsoo smiled back, more on the polite than hearty side, but he was putting in an effort. The whole setup consisting of dimmed light and homemade food was proof that Do Kyungsoo may not value love, but was perfectly capable of treating potential lovers right. He was aware of the steps and motions to go through, and so was Yixing, apparently. The Chinese kindergarten teacher was a handsome guy, no doubt about that, but Kyungsoo didn't feel anything at all for him. Just as expected. He was easy to talk to and enjoyable to be around, but that was it. There wasn't even a flutter of sexual attraction to distract him.

"I don't get the feeling that you want me around," Yixing said casually, dipping his spoon into the chocolate pudding Kyungsoo had just served.

Right. Yixing may be soft-spoken, but in no way was he oblivious or stupid.

"That's not true," Kyungsoo disagreed evenly, observing the other with his spoon half-raised. "That's just how I am - not very enthusiastic as a lover, I'm afraid."

Yixing hummed very quietly, obviously thinking of what to say next as he fished for the last chocolate chip in his bowl.

Only when Kyungsoo got up to stretch and place their bowls in the sink, did Yixing speak up again.

"Sore back? You did say you work at the computer all day."

Kyungsoo gave a vague hum in reply, feeling the satisfying stretch tug at his muscles. Back at the table, Yixing smiled again.

"How about a massage?"

 

It turned out to be painful, but in a gratifying way. Not unlike stretching your muscles after a long day, but also more effective.

It lulled Kyungsoo into a state of sleepiness, the dim light and fingers relentlessly digging into his bare back. His skin was beginning to warm up, but he still felt the presence of a warm body behind him, felt the dip in the couch.

"Baekhyun warned me that you'd be the guy who thinks of love as a waste of time and energy."

Kyungsoo made a sound in the back of his throat, a simple, neutral agreement and invitation to keep going. Fingertips were pushing and dragging with a purpose that spoke of practice.

"And yet you decided to join this game," Yixing continued, quiet and probing, albeit much softer than his fingers. "Why?"

Kyungsoo took his time, waited til the fingers wandered from his left shoulder to the right and sighed when they finally did.

"I just thought it could be interesting," he said, careful not to show the strain the temporary massage put on him. "I'd like to see people try and explain themselves since they usually can't."

"Can't explain love?" Yixing asked.

"Can't explain why they crave it so much. What the benefits are," Kyungsoo replied vaguely, obviously a bit distracted.

"Isn't it nice, finding a companion for life?"

Kyungsoo huffed.

"A friend can be the same. A dog can be the same. People insist on love being magical and more than hormones and attraction, but the longer you ask questions, the higher the chance that they'll admit to it just coming down to biology."

"Is that so?" Yixing asked softly, fingers wandering to the sensitive spot between his shoulder blades. "I'll have to agree and disagree. Our body and experiences together dictate how we interpret the input we get, what we want and how we feel."

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and concentrated on the words slowly dripping into his conscious.

"If we were just talking biology, the aim for self-fulfilment is in no way more or less _necessary_ than love, though one might be more primal in its roots. It's our upbringing and experiences that determine the values we place. So that's where it exceeds mere genetics for me."

At this, Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder in mild surprise. Yixing's fingers ceased to move and he got a patient smile in return, open-minded and calm. Kyungsoo's gaze flitted away, brows scrunched up in thought before he turned back to the front.

The palms on his back picked up on the steady pushing and kneading. Somewhere along the way, he'd started to really lean into the touch and welcome it, instead of simply accepting it.

For a long time, it was silent.

"Can you teach me how to do this?" Kyungsoo asked eventually.

"Sure."

  
  


* * *

 

 

Was Jongin angry? Frustrated? Bored? Did he think of him as a prude?

But really... what _was_ Jongin thinking? Why the fuck was he so desperate to get into his pants? Jongdae wasn't even sure whether he was flattered or creeped out anymore. Jongin had such an innocent appearance and demeanour, but he was so very keen on getting Jongdae out of his clothes; it was mind boggling.

Either way, Jongdae might be mildly creeped out, but he was definitely not going to give up after two weird days, the first round into the game. They'd been off to a bad start, but surely, this could be saved. He just had to confront Jongin and tell him to back off and maybe carefully ask him whether he is a nymphomaniac... because self-love aside, Jongdae wasn't _that_ hot.

 

But all that could wait because right now he was in his element and not uncomfortable at all. People were bustling around the studio, some were chatting, others working, some balancing both. Jongdae was sitting on an empty chair next to Jongin, who was getting his eye makeup done as the distinct, plastic-like scent of drying hairdye lingered in the air. The color had clogged up a bit and looked rather dry, so they would probably rinse it soon. Jongdae had no doubt that black would look good on him, especially since this was Kai, the young model with the smoldering gaze and not Jongin, the waiter. It was like his seductive side was switched on permanently. Surprisingly, that made it way easier to deal with him.

This was the fashion world where everyone was keen on a smooth procedure - people were pleasant in a more or less fake way, and Jongdae felt at home. As at home as one would feel at their school or office or shared dorm room knowing the workings and unwritten rules of the place, and Jongin was playing by those right now.

"Did you see any familiar faces?" he asked, playful tone sneaking into the words muttered under his breath as the makeup artist dipped the brush into a bold shade of plum eyeshadow and then dimmed the effect by sweeping it through anthracite one next.

"Nope," Jongdae replied easily as he attentively watched the makeup artist. "The scene is a bit bigger than that."

"You're with the more important people?" Jongin asked jokingly, and Jongdae laughed.

"Who doesn't think he's important in this business," he said quietly, and the makeup artist rolled her eyes in agreement - you could tell that she was on the lower end of the metaphorical food chain, too, just like Jongin.

 

Although, he shouldn't be. He really shouldn't, Jongdae thought as he watched Jongin lasciviously sprawl himself out in front of the camera. He'd joined the young model for fun, to spend time with him and maybe assist him a bit throughout the day, and he'd been itching to jump into action and help people around him alright, but Jongin definitely didn't need help right now. Not that he was surpassing the professional, expensive models Jongdae had seen in action before and very rarely gotten the honour to work with, but Jongin did have charm, and it played out naturally in front of the camera. Clearly, his strong suits were smolders and unusual poses, the latter of which he possessed a rare bravery for. Jongdae watched closely, tried to find the pattern and get a feel for Jongin's style, and when he called in between shots, telling Jongin to ' _straighten out the left leg_ ', the model's whole mask cracked as he shot him a surprised look, but quickly followed the order.

_Chin up. Try to focus less on your upper body. Play with the pockets._

He didn't boss him around, just add something whenever he was certain it would do good.

The photographer didn't even try to butt in and silently took the help which Jongdae was grateful for.

Everything was running smoothly, and Jongdae was ready to congratulate Jongin after the wrap up, maybe even give him a kiss... when a stranger appeared out of nowhere, wrapping his arm around the small of Jongin's back, unabashedly kissing along his neck. Jongdae stared at them in shock, his arms moving down to uselessly dangle by his side. Jongin was quick to slip out of his grip and walk towards Jongdae with an expression of panic.

"Sorry about this-"

The strawberry-blonde guy - who was obviously a model, too - was already draping himself all over Jongin's back, complaints on his lips.

"What, is this your greeting? Excuse me?"

"Luhan, _please_ -" Jongin said, exasperated but gentle, and Jongdae realized that he must look as unimpressed as he felt. Well. He didn't have the heart to put on a smile right now. He felt... betrayed. Fine, they'd only _act_ out a relationship for a while, but that made this the first official time he's been cheated on? After just two days? That was kinda pathetic.

The other model easily looked like a porcelain doll - all refined features, perfectly white skin, a generous ton of makeup and so pretty that it could almost make you mad. The bright eyes focused on him, genuine curiosity turned to panic, and then the guy jumped away from Jongin.

"Y-you’re his boyfriend?" he asked, voice a tad too high and features void of any elegance.

"Ah... kinda?" Jongin all but asked. Jongdae shot him a disappointed look.

"Really now? You're cheating on me already? I'm hurt," he said in a whiny, joking tone, though a tinge of truth was not to be denied.

"I'm not!" Jongin quickly said, waving his hands in defense. Luhan looked confused, but while Jongdae wasn't actively angry at him, he wasn't very interested in him either.

"I swear I haven't met him this week. Wasn't planning to, either."

Jongdae still pouted, though he did relax a bit.

"Are you sure about that?"

Jongin turned to the confused third party.

"Tell him, Lu."

"Look," the guy replied, before deciding otherwise and turning to Jongdae. "Look. I just came here directly from the airport after spending a month in Hong Kong, and I'm very confused right now. I'd just like to know whether you're inclined to punch me any time soon because I'm having a shooting in a bit and would prefer if you didn't hit my face."

Something about the way he said it, all matter-of-factly but with an undertone of genuine dread made Jongdae snort.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So," Jongdae began just as the familiar elevator doors closed, "how many of those... friends with benefits do you have?"

"Are you still mad?" Jongin asked instead, feet shuffling and fingers restlessly playing with the railing. Jongdae shook his head, shooting him a slightly amused gaze. With the initial shock gone, he found out Luhan was a pretty chill guy and considered the whole situation hilarious. Especially Luhan's panicked reaction at the prospect of being beat up since his friend with benefits was suddenly taken (for the time being).

"I'm not. But that didn't answer my question. How many?"

Jongin wore a defiant look, reminiscent of a scolded kid.

"What does it matter? I'm not gonna contact anyone this week."

Jongdae sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry for-"

The rest was drowned out when he was pushed against the wall none too gently and suddenly had Jongin all up in his face, squeezing and coaxing squeaks out of his faux leather jacket. Jongdae vaguely saw the number eight turn to a nine on the digital screen, and a part of him was panicking at the idea of being caught like this. A sting of pleasure and pain made him assume that Jongin was sucking a hickey into his neck, and the shudder made it a bit harder to try and wrench Jongin's wandering hands away.

"Oh god, what are you doing?" he asked, a little quiet, heck, a little turned on because Jongin was really damn attractive, especially with the traces of makeup and the way his plush lips felt on him. Especially because no one ever did this to Jongdae with both parties being sober like this. But that didn't make this situation any more _right_.

"Being your boyfriend," Jongin _groaned_ against his skin, and Jongdae snapped, putting both hands on the other's chest and pushed hard. He immediately reached out to Jongin again when the other tumbled, but he caught himself and was staring at him with an unreadable gaze. Jongdae inhaled shakily.

"You're my boyfriend of three days, Jongin," he finally said, feeling conflicted but willing to take a stand. "I'm sorry if this is boring to you, but we gotta take it more slowly. I have to, because I can't- like this, I can't do this," he ended incoherently, already burning up with embarrassment, and finally the elevator came to a hold. Thank god.

As he turned to leave, Jongin grabbed his arm, called for him to wait, but Jongdae ripped himself free and hurried down the hallway with a flimsy excuse lingering in the air. He turned the corner but waited in front of his apartment door until he heard the elevator doors close.

Jongin was leaving. Good.

"Wow, are you alright?"

Jongdae looked up to see Chanyeol standing in his own doorway, clad in the usual tracksuit combo.

Oh.

 

 

* * *

 

 

What Jongdae didn't see, _couldn't_ see, was the way Jongin had slumped down the elevator doors, pathetically sitting on the ground, feeling the elevator hum beneath him. Even when he had reached the ground floor, he didn't move and just stared down at his phone screen. Luhan always replied so quickly.

 

_\- No way man. That guy was a sweetheart, I'm not gonna help you cheat on him -_

 

There were one or two more messages, but Jongin didn't see them, because he shut down the screen, fingertips turning white as he gripped his thighs and squeezed his eyes closed, breathing heavily.

  
  


* * *

 

 

Jongdae wasn't going to meet Jongin on Thursday. Not because he was mad or wanted to quit their relationship or this game, but simply because he'd be stuck at work for a good while longer, and Jongin had an evening shift to work. That said, he did feel conflicted. He should have given Jongin the chance to explain himself. Surely, there had to be an explanation.

"Jongdae! Aren't you early?"

He whipped around to see Minseok smiling brightly, wiping his hands on his shirt.

Judging by the thin sheen of sweat and streaks of dirt all over Minseok's arms, the other had been working for a while already. There were not a lot of other people booked to set up the stage which meant more work for him, but he had once said to Jongdae that there was no such thing as too many paid hours. Jongdae really was here way too early, considering there were still several hours until the start of the show.

"I don't wanna distract you from your work, but I was going to get myself something to drink," Jongdae offered, "you want anything?"

Minseok shook his head and approached him immediately.

"Oh, you're not. We're almost done and all the smoke break guys can give _me_ a break for once and do the rest by themselves. Let's go get something."

 

It wasn't all that likely for Jongdae and Minseok to meet more than once or twice during their jobs, but somehow that happened, and Jongdae, the handiman of an up and coming fashion label, kept meeting Kim Minseok, the handiman of the company renting out employees wherever they were needed. They had talked a bit here and there, and Jongdae mostly remembered Minseok as that one hardworking stage hand who was on top of everything and way smarter than one would assume. One thing led to another and nowadays, Minseok also worked part time for the fashion label _X by Y & Z_, or _XYZ_ for short. They only ever needed him for a few hours, but Minseok could easily be trusted with any type of office work. All that aside, they were just colleagues, and Jongdae didn't delude himself into thinking he knew a whole lot about Minseok. He'd honestly been surprised when the other agreed to join the Shuffle so readily.

"So... how is it going?" Jongdae asked curiously when they found a case big enough to sit on, drinks and food on their laps - bless catering services.

"With Chanyeol?" Minseok asked immediately, wasting no time playing dumb. Jongdae nodded and took a spoonful of some soupy rice dish.

"It's all good," Minseok offered, and he seemed way too energetic and bubbly for someone who'd been physically exerting himself for so long. "Chanyeol is like the puppy I never had. He's adorable."

Jongdae huffed out a laugh and went for another spoonful of deliciously hot food - Chanyeol seemed like the puppy type, but Jongdae would never have guessed that Minseok would embrace that. He seemed so... mature. Like he'd need someone to be on the same level as him, mentally. Then again, he had just agreed to join a game most of society would label as morally questionable, so obviously he didn't know a lot about Minseok.

"Is he as clingy as he looks?"

Minseok laughed, quiet but hearty as usual.

"Oh yes. It's sheer luck he's not sitting on my lap right now."

He meant it innocently, and usually, Jongdae wasn't one to really address possible innuendos or think too far into them, but this time… well, he blamed it on the way his own relationship had played out so far.

"He's probably lighter than most weights you're lifting, so..." Jongdae began, realizing how awkward that sounded and then tried to save what could be saved. "Like, you're probably really fit, having a job like this, right?"  
  
Minseok shrugged.  
"Most of the lifting we do is just terribly unhealthy if you don't do it right. It can also be a very one-sided strain over a long period of time. But that's alright, cause I do lots of sports."  
Of course he'd also do sports. Some people were just too good to be real.  
"Like going to the gym?" Jongdae asked, feet dangling back and forth. Minseok chuckled at that.  
  
"That would just be more weight-lifting and sterile exertion, right? I prefer having a bit of fun. I used to play a lot of soccer, but pretty much every team sport is fine by me."  
  
Jongdae hummed.  
  
"That's pretty cool, and I totally lack the friends for that."  
  
"I just attend open places and make myself room," Minseok said easily. "Recently, I've been into beach volleyball."  
  
"Where on earth do you get a beach around here?" Jongdae asked, and Minseok _winked_ at him. 

"I know a few places... If you want to, we can check it out one day. Maybe the others are gonna tag along, too, and we'll actually have our own team?"  
  
"The last time I played volleyball was in high school-" Jongdae began, but Minseok suddenly leaned in really close, shooting him a ridiculously, illegally cute pouty face.  
  
"But do you wanna play with me?"  
  
Jongdae almost fell off the case and then proceeded to make Minseok pay by slapping his (rock hard) arms.   
  
"Oh my god, never do that again," he complained over his dusty red cheeks. "Yes, I want to, I'll go with you!"  
  
Minseok looked downright triumphant, like a very content cat, and Jongdae vowed to never underestimate him ever again.   
  
"I'm sure it will be fun, going with friends for a change," Minseok added almost casually as he picked at his food, and Jongdae glanced at him in surprise. So even mature Minseok could get a little lonely. Well, if someone as admirable as Minseok considered him a friend, Jongdae would do his best to live up to that. If that meant eating a bit of sand, then so be it. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Do you hear it? The way the chord progression plays into the offbeat and how the bass dances along on top?"

Jongdae furrowed his brows, staring at the wooden table as he pressed Chanyeol's big headphones closer to his ear. Then he took them off again, shaking his head.

"I don't know, the other stuff going on is so distracting."

Chanyeol hummed and was already looking up a better example on his phone, keen on making the self-proclaimed tone deaf Jongdae understand the basics of music. Jongdae shifted on the cushion he'd placed on the marble floor and watched Kyungsoo flip through his magazine, a glass of wine in one hand. He hadn't planned any of this, but when he returned from work earlier, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were already seated around the table, encouraging him to join. That's where he sat now, in a comfy pair of shorts and a long-sleeved shirt with Chanyeol cramped in beside him - clearly his long legs were not meant to cower beneath a table this low. Maybe that's why he'd put it out here instead.

That aside, he could have just as well sat on the bench slash windowsill they were now leaning against - Baekhyun sure preferred it that way. It was actually a really convenient place to gather, despite it being a bit bizarre to have grown adults lounge around a hallway. But it was also fun and refreshing, hanging out with new people on rather familiar ground.

His thoughts on chord progressions came to a temporary stop when Baekhyun padded out of his apartment with a winning grin.

"Alright, here comes the bribing material!" he announced brightly, placing a plate of cake and two bottles of what looked like water on the table before plopping down on the window sill with a severe lack of grace or maturity.

"Now tell me. How is it going with Xing?" he asked way too eagerly. Kyungsoo was inclined to agree with Jongdae on that, judging by the look he shot him.

"What do you want? To hear me gush about your perfect boyfriend?" he asked, visibly unhappy. Baekhyun pouted.

"I mean. You could do that, no big deal. But I'm interested in how things are going for you, too."

Kyungsoo closed his magazine, just to make the way he leaned towards Baekhyun more dramatic. Kyungsoo thought about it, pursed his lips and finally inhaled deeply. Baekhyun was literally on the edge of his seat.

"Hypocrite," Kyungsoo breathed out, and Jongdae snorted.

Chanyeol laughed a bit too hard at that; though, to be fair, Jongdae hadn't seen Baekhyun's expression. Now, Jongdae was all for boisterous, fun people, but Kyungsoo had his own charm. He was on the quiet and serious side, but not necessarily stuck-up and very ready to use his blank expression in favour of a joke.

"Okay fine, keep it to yourself!" Baekhyun finally said, turning to his next victim without missing a beat, obviously covering up whatever shred of embarrassment he was capable of feeling.

"What about you? Having fun with the hot craftsman?"

Chanyeol's laugh died a sad, gurgly death.

"He's not a craftsman," Jongdae protested. "It's called a stage hand."

"Whatever," Baekhyun dismissed with a wave of his hand. "He's all muscles, sweat and streaks of dirt, and if that's not hot, then I don’t know what is. He's amazing in bed, right?"

Chanyeol gaped at him in righteous disbelief while Jongdae shook his head at the clearly sex-driven brunet. Though it was true. Thinking of it that way, Minseok _was_ the picture-perfect, stereotypical hot guy, though he also had an incredibly cute face and exceptional brains. Not that someone like Baekhyun would see that.

"I didn't sleep with him!" Chanyeol almost yelled, receiving a scalding glare from Kyungsoo. Baekhyun groaned.

"Boooring. What about you, Jongdae?"

Shit. He had no time to even think about what he'd like the others to think, and just shook his head in uneven motions before he knew it.

"What? First the hot craftsman and now the hot model. How can you miss that chance? You should at least try to seduce him a little-"

"You _are_ talking about Kyungsoo's ex, do you realize that?" Chanyeol asked with furrowed brows, but the man himself was just sipping at his wine, calm to the point of looking stoic.

"Oh, I bet it's not for Jongin's lack of trying to get laid," he said easily, unaware of the impact his words had on Jongdae. "Am I right?"

A short look at Jongdae's stunned face, and Kyungsoo huffed out a laugh without actually smiling.

"Thought so. People don't change easily."

"What? Why?" Baekhyun asked noisily, and Chanyeol looked equally curious. Kyungsoo only placed down the glass and began to flip through his computer magazine again.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Before Baekhyun could protest, Kyungsoo glared at him.

"And don't you think about asking him, or I'll make your life very hard."

"I'm- actually so terrified that I won't address that innuendo," Baekhyun chirped, unable to _really_ look past it, before addressing Jongdae and Chanyeol again.

"Okay, but for real. Guys. You should at least kiss your partners."

"Why, to satisfy your overly sexual idea of this game?" Jongdae asked suspiciously, and Baekhyun rocked from left to right, making thoughtful noises.

"Nah, that's not it... I mean, it's your loss, not mine. But it's the best way to really test your chemistry, isn't it? See whether there are any sparks, you know? I didn't want to spill all my tricks but you two clearly need them - go for a kiss. It says more than sex."

"I'm actually amazed you'd say that," Chanyeol said, but immediately shut his mouth when Baekhyun slapped his shoulder.

"Don't be an idiot. It's obvious that getting your brains fucked out is usually amazing. Kisses aren't automatically great, either. So if the kiss is bad and your chemistry is bad... you better stick to the fucking-"

Jongdae had already started to back off a little, giving him an incredulous look when the elevator doors opened, effectively cutting the speech off. It was Sehun, who seemed mildly surprised to see four guys sitting on the floor in pajamas, but after a vague nod, he quickly locked gazes with Baekhyun.

"And that's my call. Have a boring night, losers," Baekhyun said, lightly jumping to his feet.

"Really now," Chanyeol muttered next to him, while Kyungsoo actually called after them.

"If you're too loud, I will bring your boyfriend home tomorrow night!"

Baekhyun, who was already standing by his door, only shot him a salacious look.

"If you had those guts you'd know that Xing is very quiet. It would be you I'd hear all night. Please don't hold back."

A hearty 'fuck you' from Kyungsoo was the last thing lingering in the air before the door clicked close. For a second, it was silent in the hallway. Then Kyungsoo sighed.

"Bastard," he muttered under his breath, and Chanyeol rambled about how he couldn't believe some people. Meanwhile, Jongdae was... thinking. About what Baekhyun had said, the kissing thing. It didn't sound all that stupid to be perfectly honest. Of course he wasn't inclined to admit that out loud because it had been said by Baekhyun and he didn't make it easy to openly like him. God forbid you fuel his ego and add to his self-satisfied smirks.

"So... how _is_ it going with Jongin?" Kyungsoo suddenly asked, expression imploring and interested, albeit not in a sleazy way. Was he worrying for his ex? Or for him?

Jongdae fidgeted in his seat, aware of Chanyeol's eyes on him. There was no use excluding him, now that he'd seen the dramatic little incident two nights before.

"Ah, not brilliant, I guess," he said slowly, feeling sorry for some reason, and also like a bit of a loser. "We're pretty... different."

"You can just say it as it is - Jongin probably aggressively tries to get in your pants, right?" Kyungsoo asked, not batting an eyelash, and Jongdae groaned.

"Ever since day one, yes," he admitted, and both of them ignored the disbelieving 'No way!' from Chanyeol. Kyungsoo seemed almost amused.

"Never be fooled by innocent looks," he hummed, and for a flash, Jongdae actually _realized_ that Kyungsoo and Jongin must have led a very sexual relationship, too - a rather intruding thought he wished he could deny.

"Jongin is... clingy and a handful. He doesn't tend well to being alone. He'd sleep with just about anyone if it means he won't fall asleep alone. The idea of living and possibly dying alone terrifies him."

Both Chanyeol and Jongdae soaked in this newfound information silently, with a more obvious understanding washing across Jongdae's features. That made sense. That is to say, it didn't, at least not more than most ingrained fears did. But now he _got_ it. It explained the mysterious number of friends with benefits Jongin kept around, and the sheer desperation he'd suddenly show whenever Jongdae made it clear that he was not staying.

"I trust you to handle this information well," Kyungsoo said, looking at Chanyeol in particular. "And while I'm positive that Baekhyun will be happy to play this game of his, I thought I might give you two some insight."

"So you want us to sleep with him?" Chanyeol asked, clearly confused by the amount of information he had to process about his future shuffle partner. Kyungsoo shrugged.

"Do whatever you want," he offered evenly. "I just wanted to help you understand."

As Jongdae observed the other's features very closely, he couldn't help but wonder what exactly Kyungsoo felt for his ex right now and what kind of a relationship they'd led.

He also thought about Jongin that night, and after thorough consideration, he shot him a text with a time and place. After all, Saturdays were perfectly suited for dates.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You're like a koala turned human," Minseok joked, poking at the guy huddled into his side. Chanyeol only made a noise of protest and snuggled closer. He was taller than Minseok, very much so, but it wasn't as apparent when they sat on the couch like this. Besides, Chanyeol put in an effort to look smaller when he was around Minseok, did so without having been asked to - Minseok could appreciate that.

The animated movie flickered over the screen, and if Chanyeol could purr like a cat, he might have done so.

"I'm so happy and content right now," he hummed, drawing out the words in a pitch unusually high for him. "I can't imagine switching partners on Sunday. Can't we just keep cuddling like this forever?"

"That's not how it works," Minseok replied, bopping his forehead. Chanyeol playfully nipped at his hand, before peppering his neck with light kisses. With a relaxed smile, Minseok leaned into it and closed his eyes, one hand curled around Chanyeol's thigh.

As the movie walked along its predictable plot, the kisses along his neck got predictably deeper, too. Lingered longer, pressed harder, a tongue subtly lapping here and there. Minseok's eyes remained closed, his breathing steady and calm. Only when the lips tugged at his earlobe, did he turn his head to cup Chanyeol's flushed cheek and press a kiss to his forehead. Not an intimate, romantic kiss - it was more of a smooch, really.

Chanyeol looked a bit pouty and disappointed, but Minseok ruffled his hair and tugged him into a spooning position with Chanyeol being the small spoon, and the happy sighs returned soon enough.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Throughout the whole day, Jongin was surprisingly... meek. The guilt over the past days seemed to have gotten to him at last, though to be fair, Jongdae had been quite harsh in his tone, too. He would have given Jongin another chance either way because he was intrigued and the week was almost over, anyway, but with his newfound understanding, it was much easier to be around the flighty young model. Jongdae felt way less threatened and didn't mention the previous incidents, and in turn, Jongin refrained from getting frisky. They spent the day in town, exploring each other's preferred stores and food stalls. It turned out that Jongin loved to coo at all the puppies in pet stores (and outside of them, really), while Jongdae showed him a few hidden stores full of curious objects crammed into the shopping windows. It was nice and casual, and Jongdae realized that it's been a while since he had been out with friends like this. He used to meet up all the time with his childhood friend Junmyeon, but the other had found a job in Japan over a year ago. With Jongin, the familiar feeling of being relaxed and unbound had returned. Sure, he was still mostly a stranger to him, but that didn't mean they weren’t laughing and joking at things they saw or interpreted. Jongdae was in such a good mood that he didn't even hesitate walking Jongin home in the early evening. He wasn't worried this time. He walked him all the way up to his door. When Jongin stood in his apartment, light flooding the hallway as he looked at a point somewhere around Jongdae's feet, he hesitated. They both did. Jongin bit his lip, but stayed quiet. Jongdae watched him very closely as he took a step back, watched the way Jongin's hand reached for him almost instinctively, but flinched back as if he'd been burnt. And made a decision.

"Can I come inside?"

Wide, hopeful eyes flit up to meet his, and Jongdae hurried to take himself back just enough.

"Not for anything sexual. I won't undress," he said defensively, though in reality it was more of a threat.

_If you try anything, I'll leave._

Jongin nodded dumbfoundedly, and with a soundless okay on his lips, he stepped aside to let Jongdae in.

 

And Jongdae did end up undressing, after all. Out of his pants and hoodie at least, because without a word, they took it to the bed immediately with Jongin padding after Jongdae, looking a little stunned at how the events were unfolding. Now, they were huddled under Jongin's blankets, the muted TV being the only light source of the room, silently flickering and throwing ghostly shadows across Jongin's usually so healthy-looking skin. They were lying on their sides with Jongdae tightly embracing him from behind, staring at the screen without really seeing it. He vaguely wondered how many people had laid where he was lying right now. He also wondered what Jongin was feeling right now. The steady, almost soundless breathing told him that he was very much awake still. Was he feeling it, too? Was he feeling warm and protected, as Jongdae hoped he did? Jongdae himself was a bit too frazzled to sleep. Not spluttering or blushing or fidgeting, but there was a small, nervously flickering flame inside him that kept his mind going, that kept him inhaling the other's scent and focusing on the soft feeling of fabric under his fingertips. Somewhere along the way, Jongin's hands had found his. His skin was really warm. They were just hugging, so why did it feel so intimate to him? Probably because Jongdae was just that inexperienced. To Jongin, this was probably nothing. Maybe it was just awkward to him. Maybe Jongdae was being ridiculous.

With a small sigh, Jongdae closed his eyes and nuzzled into the soft cushion, nosing around the other's hair as he got comfortable.

"I'm sorry you were stuck with me all week," Jongin suddenly said, squeezing his arm. Jongdae hummed.

"Yes, please apologize for the great time we had at the pet store. And for the atrocious fried potatoes."

"I mean it," Jongin insisted, unwilling to let his scraped up courage go to waste. "I'm not," he began, voice breaking down to a whisper, "I'm not a good person."

"You don't owe me anything. It's fine-"

"It's not. It's not fine," Jongin said, grip tightening. "This feels so weird. It's. I don't know-"

Jongdae didn't move while Jongin searched for the right words and all but curled together, holding on to him almost desperately.

"You're really nice, Jongdae," he whispered. "You're so nice that I'm scared I might fall for you."

Despite the tension, Jongdae felt flustered and flattered alike.

"I’m scared that I might feel even lonelier if I lie in bed alone tomorrow. That I remember whenever I switch on the TV but mute it. It's so easy when people just come for a good fuck and you just feel their arm over your back as you doze off. This isn't easy."

"I'm sorry," Jongdae began, but Jongin didn't let him draw away even a little, silently shaking his head.

"It's not your fault. It's all mine. Because I'm a terrible person."

Jongdae didn't blindly disagree. He let the words linger in the air, let them fan over his skin, so he could get a feel for their actual meaning.

Then he shifted a bit, but only withdrew the arm that was starting to fall asleep and pulled Jongin closer with his free hand.

"If you miss this, you can just give me a call," he finally said, "even when this is over. You won't have to be afraid of missing me if I can just come back any day, right? I can be like Luhan to you. Just without sex."

Jongin actually chuckled at this and then there were lips brushing against Jongdae's knuckles.

"Don't say that," he whispered, gingerly holding on to Jongdae's hand, lips brushing over the back of his hand. "I might get greedy."

 

They dozed off after that, not saying another word but not letting go, either.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"That's what he said?"

"Are you really surprised?" Kyungsoo asked, looking over his shoulder and up at Yixing, who was hovering beside him, waiting for the next potato to be peeled so he could neatly cut it.

"That he'd be this romantic?" Yixing asked back, looking mildly surprised indeed. "I know this side of him, but I'm surprised he'd show it to you guys. He must be getting soft."

Kyungsoo couldn't keep the 'not in the bedroom, I'm sure' to himself, and Yixing only silently smiled and washed a handful of potatoes.

"He treats me like some sort of prude," Kyungsoo muttered, eyes trained on the potato in his hand, "just because I haven't been running around bragging about my sex life."

A surprisingly soft hand came into view to lay over his own and gently but firmly pried the peeling knife out of his hand. Kyungsoo looked at him with confusion, but Yixing only placed down the knife before proceeding to push him up against the fridge, hands firmly sitting around his waist. Kyungsoo made a confused little sound in the back of his throat when his back hit the hard surface, and all of a sudden, Yixing was closer than he'd ever been this entire week.

"Do you want something to brag about?"

His voice was deceivingly soft, but the underlying promise was a bit more than that.

Kyungsoo's eyes involuntarily lingered on the other's lips, but he didn't move in the other's grasp. Their lower bodies were tightly pressed together while the hands on his waist just lingered. Offering or daring him to move away? He wasn't sure.

"I didn't peg you as the type to be interested in doing it with anyone who's not your boyfriend," Kyungsoo whispered. Yixing smiled, but his eyes spoke another language.

"You're my boyfriend today," he said, slowly wedging himself between his legs. Kyungsoo just let it happen, gaze heavy and unwavering.

"So you're fulfilling your duty as a boyfriend right now?"

"Maybe I wanna help you prove your point. And it doesn’t hurt that you're pretty attractive."

Kyungsoo shot him a skeptical look, and Yixing cupped his face, thumb grazing his cheeks.

"No, I mean it," he protested quietly, and now Kyungsoo could feel the other's gaze rest on his own lips, could feel his thumb trace over his bottom lip. "You should give yourself more credit."

"Aren't you maybe more invested in proving a point than I am?" Kyungsoo hummed, not responding to the pad of his thumb rubbing along the outer corner of his lips. Yixing leaned in so close that they had to break eye contact, lips so close that they faintly brushed against each other when he spoke.

"Do you wanna find out?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jongdae awoke for the first time, he realized that he had turned to his stomach at some point into the night and snuggled back into Jongin's side. The feeling was so unfamiliar that he almost didn't manage to fall asleep again. But all of this was just a shuffling game, after all. If any, he could genuinely cuddle Jongin without any implications and should enjoy this. He vaguely wondered whether he'd be as miserable as Jongin if this wasn't a game, but thoughts like these were too heavy for his sleepy mind to lift.

When Jongdae awoke again, it was to his cheek being mashed against a warm arm and suspiciously soft breathing. He took his time blinking the sleep away and gathering his conscious. When he finally pushed himself to a somewhat heightened position, Jongin's eyes flit up to met his, a small, sleepy "Hey" on his lips. Jongdae looked at him for a second before falling back to bed with a dramatic huff. Jongin snorted half-heartedly.

"Mornings suck," Jongdae rasped out. The other hummed.

For awhile, it was silent. For a long while. Jongin didn't seem intent on saying anything at all, and while Jongdae slowly won the fight against his sleepiness, he wondered whether the other was brooding. He thought about it for a rather long time, but finally had to accept that some things couldn't be answered without words.

"Are you mad? Or tired?" he asked casually, shifting so that their sides touched just barely. Jongin made a small, incredulous sound and placed an arm over his eyes.

"I'm _awkward_ ," he said almost accusingly, and Jongdae was both relieved and even more confused at the reaction.

"Awkward? Why?"

"Because I was fucking embarrassing yesterday," Jongin said as if it was the most obvious thing, "what am I supposed to say now? It's not like I can make you breakfast and then kick you out, like-"

_Like usual._

"-I just. God, I'm so embarrassing."

Jongdae thought about this. About how his one night stands probably didn't even notice or poke at this attitude of his. With a sigh, he snuggled into the crook of his neck, acting as if the touch didn't make him nervous at all.

"Is it so embarrassing, not wanting to feel miserable?" he asked calmly, encouragingly. Jongin groaned, but didn't draw away.

"If you're desperate enough to blow anyone willing to share your bed, yes," Jongin winced. "Yes, it is."

His words came without hesitation and were dripping with self-deprecation. Jongdae didn't know what to reply.

"Are you looking for an actual relationship?" he finally asked, and Jongin turned his head to complain into Jongdae's probably greasy hair.

"I don't even know anymore-"

Jongdae grasped his arm, ignored the butterflies, softly stroked his thumb along the skin and waited patiently for Jongin to speak up again.

"I used to think that's what I needed, that I didn't wanna end up all alone. But nowadays, the thought of being in a relationship is just... I don't know. It makes me feel like I'd only become unhappier when it ends. I'll ruin it like last time; even Soo dumped me, and he’s the most patient person in the world. It's gonna end, anyway, so maybe I should just save myself the trouble and be content with what I have now. I'm not cut out for this."

"It's no good to think of the end of a relationship before the beginning," Jongdae began, and before Jongin could interrupt him, he added "but I'm sure you're aware. So..." he trailed off, looking at the ceiling. "So what if you're afraid of being alone?"

Jongin made a questioning sound, but Jongdae's voice wasn't wavering now.

"So what if you're too clingy? You're even aware of it. Everyone carries some flaws into a relationship. As long as you're willing to try and improve, you have any right to try your luck."

"But what if it just gets worse with every break up?" Jongin asked quietly.

Jongdae shifted to support himself on his elbows, looking down at a ruffled, slightly defiant but also sad Jongin, who tried his best to meet his gaze.

"Just think carefully about what you want. If you find that answer, you should be able to pursue it without regrets," he offered steadily. The small furrow of his eyebrows told him that Jongin had to think, that he didn't know exactly what he wanted or, at the very least, wasn't _perfectly_ sure. There was a small set of wrinkles on his cheek from the way it had been pressed into the cushions, and Jongdae couldn't help but notice how soft he looked. So sleepy and soft and a little confused. So handsome, too. Suddenly Baek's words popped up in his mind, and before he knew it, Jongdae was leaning down to kiss him. He went in rather quickly, before either of them could overthink it, but the moment their lips touched, he slowed down. Concentrated on the feeling and pressure, on the slightly rough scraping of dry lips and the warmth that soon followed. Jongdae drew back to wet his lips, making them just moist enough to balance out Jongin's dry lips that he sought again immediately after.

_A kiss says more than sex_ , Baekhyun had said.

This kiss was... really pleasant, actually. Jongin had amazingly plush lips and was clearly a more experienced kisser than him, though he didn't take the lead. He didn't just submit, either, and Jongdae could feel their different expectations and experiences clashing albeit carefully so. More like bumping, trying to figure out a compromise of who nipped at the bottom lip and when to focus on meeting in the middle - Jongdae actually shuddered when Jongin sucked on his bottom lip, and while this wasn't his first kiss by far, it sure tasted a bit like the first kiss he wished he'd had.

He felt flushed when he drew away, but there was no room to worry about that, not when Jongin's eyes were this bright.

"I heard a kiss says more than sex," Jongdae muttered, and Jongin licked his lips.

"What did this one say?"

Jongdae hesitated.

"That it's a pity we're gonna re-draw soon," he finally said. "I feel like I'm just getting to know you."

Jongin hummed thoughtfully, stretching under Jongdae's gaze.

"We still have a couple hours til tonight," he provided almost lazily, a smile creeping onto his lips. "If a kiss says more than sex, sex should be no big deal anymore, right?"

Jongdae slapped his shoulder and laughed, falling back into the mattress to tickle every inch of Jongin he could reach. Jongin turned out to be very ticklish.

 

Much later, when they were standing in the elevator on their way to re-draw their partners, Jongin suddenly embraced him from behind. His hold was tight, really tight, but he didn't say a word. Jongdae didn't say a word either, but he held his hand until they all stood in a circle to receive their card of the week. When he let go, they shared a small smile, and unlike a week before, this smile meant something to Jongdae.

 

 

 

 


	3. Round 2

"So... do you wanna adopt kids, one day?"

"Are you asking me about kids on our first date?"

Jongdae pouted in reply, effectively hiding his embarrassment.

"I don't think it's weird to ask that with you being a kindergarten teacher."

Yixing smiled and plucked a piece of meat off the hot plate. Yixing had been smiling a lot throughout their date. Most of the time, really. Jongdae had been smiling, too.

...it was terribly awkward.

Where with shy, adorable Jongin, conversation had flowed easily enough, Yixing was oh-so-composed and pleasant. It felt more like a business meeting than a date, really. Not a bad business meeting, though. Jongdae had had enough meetings that felt like you were making friends. The words exchanged suggested as much, but the truth was that you just didn't. This was what it felt like.

Zhang Yixing was four years older than him, moved to Korea around the age of twelve, enjoyed Chinese food and loved his job. That was about as much as Jongdae currently knew of him - a handful of basic facts.

It was almost impossible to imagine this man being in a committed relationship with someone like Baekhyun. There had to be a lot more about him for someone as eccentric as Baekhyun to be drawn to him. Now Jongdae didn't even consider falling in love with this man, not that he wasn't very attractive in his own right. But after the last, wonky round he had vowed to himself to just try and get to know his next partner well, so they could enjoy their time together.

This was considerably harder if Yixing didn't meet him half-way though.

 

Fueled by the fact that this _was_ Baekhyun's boyfriend, he didn't immediately step out of Yixing's car a while later. The other had been kind enough to drive him home, and while Jongdae wasn't about to invite him to his bedroom, a kiss was called for, right? To be honest, he was rather unsure about this, but the words 'a kiss says more than sex' were still haunting him, thanks to Baekhyun.

He just turned to Yixing, who shot him a questioning look, illuminated by the dim parking lot lighting. Jongdae hesitated, already half-way ready to just leave because _this was so awkward_ , when Yixing's eyes flit down to his lips, seemingly taking the hint Jongdae wasn't sure he'd even given. A warm hand in his neck steadied him, but there was no need to push since Jongdae leaned over to close most of the gap himself.

Yixing kissed... very differently from Jongin. There was no way he wasn't unconsciously comparing them as he tried to adapt to this new way of kissing. There was a rough edge to it that caught him off guard. A rather dominant streak that always seemed to stutter whenever Jongdae tried to mimic his pressure or got too bold. There was no way Baekhyun was a complete puddle of pliant goo in bed, so Jongdae assumed it wasn't the intensity bothering him, but rather that he wasn't Baekhyun. Was this the first time he kissed someone other than his boyfriend in years? Had he made out with Kyungsoo?

Jongdae was clearly thinking too much, for the kiss was turning a bit static, and he decided to end this before it could get even more awkward. He drew away, slowly sinking back into his seat, a mix of embarrassment half-covered by pragmatism.

"Well," he began, clearing his throat to smooth out his voice again as he nodded to himself. "This was. Kind of different."

Yixing actually snorted at this, and Jongdae looked up to see an actual grin tug at his lips.

"It was devastatingly awkward."

Now it was Jongdae's time to crack a smile.

"Totally. I'm sorry."

"It's no one’s fault," Yixing was quick to amend, already returning to his soft attitude again. "We tried."

It didn't sound like he was inclined to try again, and for now, Jongdae had to agree. His daily quota of social embarrassment had been filled a few hours ago.

Jongdae felt relaxed and jittery alike, the embarrassment still lingering in his muscles while his heart felt way lighter than it had before.

"Okay then," he announced when he stood in the parking lot a few seconds later, the car door in hand, "see you tomorrow, for another hilariously awkward date?"

"Of course. I can't wait," Yixing said, and while his smile was back to being pleasant, it felt somewhat more genuine. At least the other was taking it well and with a bit of humor. Maybe this week wouldn't turn out too disastrous, after all.  


 

* * *

 

 

"I'll walk you home!"

"You really don't need to-" Jongin began, but Chanyeol shook his head, messing up his offensively red hair even more.

"It's no big deal at all-"

"I'll find the way alone, _thank you_ ," Jongin insisted, zipping up his jacket to be shielded from the surprisingly chilly night air. A flash of disappointment flickered over his date's expression, only to settle on the bright smile again.

"Okay, but tomorrow we'll watch some movies, right? Should I bring some breakfast tomorrow? It could be fun-"

"No, thank you. I'll let you know when I'm free, okay?" Jongin said flatly, just barely avoiding snapping at him. Chanyeol beamed.

"Okay!"

He seemed inclined to hug or maybe even kiss him, but Jongin quickly slipped away with a mumbled 'bye' on his lips.

On his way back home, he thought about Jongdae. Jongdae hadn't been this intrusive. It only dawned on him when his phone vibrated and he groaned at the sight of Chanyeol's name popping up on the screen.

The roles were reversed now. It was him taking a step back, him feeling suffocated after a mere day already. Was this karma? Was this what Kyungsoo had felt and what had made someone as open-minded and gentle as Jongdae recoil?

He hated Chanyeol already. With his stupid, pseudo positivity and desperate attempts to be liked.

How very ironic.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Ah, those are a bit old,” Yixing commented. “Let's pick fresher ones."

Jongdae lowered the transparent box of mushrooms, shooting Yixing a questioning look. It immediately called forth the teacher in him as he gently took the box to angle it for Jongdae to see.

"The stems are already turning brown, see? I don't mind buying overly ripe vegetables from time to time, especially since we'll eat them right away, but mushrooms are way less enjoyable if they're not perfectly fresh."

Jongdae nodded appreciatively and placed the box down again to look for a better one. Apparently, Yixing was rather adept in regards to cooking, too. He really was the picture-perfect husband. Jongdae, on the other hand... he could produce food that was unlikely to give him food poisoning. That was all he had going for himself, even with a generous attitude.

"Alright, are these better?" he asked, lifting another one when his phone vibrated. It was definitely not work-related, for those had a different ringtone. Jongdae never got non-work-related calls. Maybe Zitao was getting sneaky and decided to call from another person's phone. A look to his phone told him that Jongin was calling. Odd.

Yixing wordlessly took over the shopping as he answered the phone.

"Hey," he began, unable to keep the questioning tone out of his voice.

"Hey, it's Luhan," a very unfamiliar voice replied back and oh. Luhan. Jongin's pretty, Chinese fuckbuddy- _friend with benefits_ , Jongdae corrected himself.

"Oh? Okay, what's up? Is everything alright?" he immediately asked, and saw Yixing stop in his tracks to shoot him a worried look.

"Well, not really," Luhan said, and if that wasn't worrying, then Jongdae didn’t know what was. "I’ll make this short: we're on a job and Jongin is suffering from a heat stroke and I was wondering whether you could take him home? I'd do it myself but I'm not done shooting."

"Of course," he replied without a second of hesitation. "Text me the address and we'll be right there."

He ended the call soon after and met Yixing's expectant look. Well. He had sort of crashed their own date but some things had priority.

"Well. Jongin - Kyungsoo's ex, remember? He got a heat stroke at work and I was asked to take him home. Is that alright with you?"

"Sure," Yixing said easily - thank god he was mature enough to just go along with this - placing the leek back and reaching for the mushrooms, too. Jongdae stopped him.

"Shouldn't we hurry?" he asked, and Jongdae hummed, pushing the cart along.

"Yeah. Maybe no fancy dinner today. How about pizza? We can add the fried mushrooms on top."

A soft 'Oh' was the only thing Yixing said until they reached the shelves of pizza to quickly grab two. He seemed happy though, judging by the smile that reached his eyes.

  


* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo had been watching the movie, he really had. He'd assumed that Sehun had been paying attention, too, but apparently that wasn't the case. Because right after an action scene, he had hoisted himself into Kyungsoo's lap, an air of confidence emanating from him. Kyungsoo raised his brows as he looked up at him.

"I was watching the movie," he stated neutrally while Sehun placed his lower arms on both his shoulders to lean in, grinding down on him not-so-accidentally.

"And I was watching you," he hummed lazily, still rutting against him in the most discreet way possible. Sehun was much taller than him, and even though his frame was skinny, his thighs and butt made for a generous weight pinning him down.

He didn't wait for Kyungsoo to reply and leaned in close, nipping around the shell of his ear.

"Wanna fuck?"

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, senses invading with the weight, scent and feel of Sehun.

He exhaled deeply.

  


* * *

 

 

The sun really was unforgiving on set, and the air was thick and humid. They found Jongin sitting in the shadows, a wet rag covering his eyes and forehead.

"Hey Nini, your friends are here," Luhan announced, discreetly wiping sweat off his own forehead. With a tiny groan, Jongin tugged off the rag, and his apologetic expression soured instantly.

"What's _he_ doing here?" he asked, glaring at Chanyeol, who was innocently hovering in between them. Jongdae was taken aback.

"Huh? Well, since he's your shuffle partner this week I contacted him - he was really worried about you-"

"Yeah, yeah, of course, whatever," Jongin interrupted him, and sat up way too quickly for his own good and almost stumbled off the chair. Yixing was by his side in an instant, and Jongdae couldn't help but notice the hesitant step Chanyeol had taken towards him, only to freeze on the spot. But this was not the time.

"Yixing, can you get Jongin to the bathroom? He seems to be feeling sick. Could you also cool him down a bit more? I'll make sure that there won’t be any complications," he ordered, immediately slipping into work mode. His voice softened when he approached Jongin.

"Are you wearing any clothes or accessories that don't belong to you?"

Jongin's hand immediately flew up to his ear, tugging off several clips that he handed Jongdae, toed off his shoes to slip in his own pair and together, they got rid of a bracelet, too. Yixing shot him a funny look but was quick to support Jongin as they went towards the direction Luhan pointed at.

"Who's the stylist here, and who's in charge?" Jongdae asked immediately, and Luhan pointed out a short girl who was dressed all in black, despite the aggressive heat.

"I'll go talk to them. Where are the contracts you signed?"

Luhan actually chuckled and tilted his head, causing his accessories to jingle faintly.

"Jongin didn't lie when he said you work in this field, did he?"

Jongdae felt squirmish under the once-over out of glitter-lined eyes. Luhan was dressed in a rather eccentric summer outfit, including a very large, creamy sweater that was knitted extremely loosely and asymmetrically. A dark forest green tank top protected him from feeling too breezy - _thank god for that_ , Jongdae thought sarcastically - and a ton of golden accessories similar to Jongin's jingled with every movement. Next to him, Jongdae felt extremely out of place in his purposefully understated outfit - but he'd figured Yixing wouldn't be the type for fancy clothes. Well, at least he wasn't wearing an adidas tracksuit. Like Chanyeol. Who was still wearing a tight smile that wasn’t directed at anybody in particular since his eyes roamed the ground. They both looked at him and then back at each other. Jongdae nodded towards the tall bundle of lost puppy, and with a shrug, Luhan approached him.

"Hey, you wanna get a coke while your friend gets all the business done?" he asked casually. Chanyeol seemed surprised the model would even talk to him, and Jongdae couldn't blame him. With the blinding sunlight reflecting off the golden metal, Luhan was positively glowing. Jongdae took the opportunity to return the accessories and talk to the stylist, before moving on to the coordinator. The man asked whether he was Jongin's manager or relative, but quickly caved in when Jongdae made it clear that he knew what he was doing. Jongin's solo shots were apparently more than satisfying, and by the glimpse Jongdae got, he had to agree - he wouldn't be on the group shots, which was a pity, but the solos shots were too good to pass up. The coordinator carefully hinted at Jongin just resting up for an hour or two and maybe trying again, but Jongdae didn't budge. Judging by the state of him, the stroke had been rather bad, and even if Jongdae was the one invested in this project, he still would let the boy rest. Not that the coordinator was malevolent in any way - quite the opposite. He looked close to a mental breakdown himself, being completely taken off guard by the unforeseen heat wave, so Jongdae recommended him a few addresses where he could borrow proper parasols on short notice. That was around the time he was interrupted.

"Jongdae, are we ready to leave?"

He turned around to see Yixing and Jongin. The latter had obviously damp hair and still looked a bit woozy. How long had they been standing there?

"Of course, let's go," Jongdae easily relented when his eyes fell upon Chanyeol and Luhan, who were sitting in the shadow, and especially the way Chanyeol looked at them. He made a decision and gently tugged Yixing and Jongin towards the two, a half-hearted 'bye and good luck' thrown over his shoulder. The two got to their feet when Jongdae was close, and he could see the rue on Chanyeol's face.

"Jongin, Chanyeol will bring you home."

How Jongin managed to look this exasperated and annoyed when he was still suffering from a severe headache remained a mystery, but he looked more like a kid than ever with his pouty expression right now.

"Why? I can find my way home perfectly on my own, I'm fine-"

"He's just gonna drive you home, it's no big deal," Jongdae retorted, and the other three just watched the exchange with varying interest. "You'll be in bed in no time and then you'll drink lots of cool water and sleep."

Jongin looked close to tears and shuffled in a way that told him he was tempted to stomp his feet.

"But why can't _you_ drive me home?"

A few seconds of heavy silence followed with Luhan clearly wearing a sympathetically pained expression, Yixing looking close to intervening and Chanyeol just self-consciously pulling up his shoulders. Jongdae inhaled deeply. Placed a hand on the other's shoulder and made an effort to speak as quietly as he could to not gain any more attention from the staff nearby.

"Because Chanyeol is your love shuffle partner for this week," he said softly, looking into his petulant, shimmering eyes, "and you should give him another chance. Just like I did, for you. Just one more."

This seemed to hit home, and he instantly knew the fight was won, knew it by the way the tension seeped out of his shoulders. He bit his lips and without warning he snapped at Chanyeol, who flinched in shock.

"You didn't even say anything the whole time!"

"That's because you would have yelled at me, no matter what I would've said," Chanyeol promptly countered with a weak smile.

"And stop grinning like an idiot, goddammit. Where's your car?"

This aggressive, demanding side of Jongin was so very unfamiliar and strange that Jongdae wondered whether he should be worried for them, after all.

"I came here on my motorcycle, I parked it nearby-"

"So I can cling onto you like a princess? Fucking fantastic," Jongin muttered as he stumbled off towards the parking lot with Chanyeol quickly following suit - nearby enough to catch him but not touching him. Jongdae called after him to mind the cool compresses.

 

"I've never seen Jongin like this," he dared to say when they were out of hearing range.

"Me neither, man," Luhan provided, sounding a bit confused. "That beanstalk must have really pissed him off."

"I wonder what's been going on between them..." Jongdae trailed off when a palm suddenly landed on his lower waist.

"Either way, our job here is done," Yixing said, and he'd really been silent this whole time. The touch was surprisingly intimate, and Jongdae was flattered - but he was also sweaty and disgusting and discreetly tried to wriggle out of it.

"Yeah, let's go home, too, I'm melting. Will you be fine on your own?" he asked Luhan, who was positively surprised at the question. He really did wear his heart on his sleeve.

"Me? Don't worry about me, I'm a grown man. Admittedly, one that’s currently wearing glitter eyeliner, but I can take care of myself," he reassured him with a grin. Jongdae smiled back, but was distracted when Yixing's hand started to sneak beneath his shirt from behind.

"Oh god," he yelped, jumping away to see a teasing little grin on Yixing's face. He must have looked as dumbfounded as he felt by the sudden change of attitude because Yixing kept teasing him on the way to the car.

 

"What's up with you all of a sudden? Is the heat getting to you, too?" he whined as he sank into the seat, wincing at the way the fabric immediately stuck to his back.

Yixing hummed in a negating manner, wiping his now sweaty hands on a wet wipe and started up the engine, all the while silently smiling.

"I'm just. A little impressed."

"By what, this photoshoot?"

"By you."

Jongdae blinked the upcoming heat-induced headache away.

"Me? Why?"

But Yixing wouldn't say any more and instead switched on the radio.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Are you still sulking?"

Sehun shot him a short but scalding glare from the other end of the couch before turning back to the TV. Kyungsoo resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"You literally chose a movie over me, is that how you treat dates?" Sehun sniffed, and Kyungsoo suppressed a yawn.

"You offered me a quick and dirty fuck on my couch the second time we met, is that how you treat dates?" he asked right back but didn't wait for him to reply. "But no, it's not because of the movie. I would have declined either way."

"Wow, is that supposed to cheer me up?" Sehun asked sarcastically. Kyungsoo wasn't perturbed and simply shrugged.

"You're cute but... I just don't see you that way."

This sent a flash of conflict across Sehun's face before petulant self-defense took over again.

"Well, if you want me to treat you all lovey-dovey and romantic instead then tough luck, cause I don't see _you_ that way."

"Oh god, stop moping and come here," Kyungsoo groaned, offering him a side hug. Sehun just stared at him, not budging an inch. Kyungsoo sighed.

"Fine, it was just an offer," he said, going back to watching the movie.

Barely two minutes passed before Sehun cuddled into his side almost aggressively, as if there was a point to prove. Kyungsoo just accepted it and absently carded his fingers through the fiery orange hair until he loosened up. Until they both loosened up. They stayed like that even long after the credits had finished rolling.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Your apartment looks really nice," Jongdae said appraisingly, and Yixing chuckled.

"It's nothing special, really. Make yourself at home - I'll just change real quick.

Jongdae didn't mind the dirt-stained clothes on Yixing; he may be a fashion person, but there was no reason to look down on visible signs of hard work. While the other excused himself to the bedroom, Jongdae took in the sight of the living room. It looked cozy and lived in, albeit not messy. For some reason, it was obvious that another person had taken residence in this apartment, that it wasn't just Yixing all the time. It wasn't just the photos of Baekhyun and him lined up on a shelf. There was something else, something he couldn't pinpoint. Like a couple of red puzzle pieces in a box full of blue ones. A stray, colorful ballpen lying between the framed photos, obviously a freebie. A magazine which had been assaulted by little stickers and two identical watches lying on the table.

"You didn't even sit down-"

"Does Baekhyun come by a lot?" Jongdae interrupted Yixing, and apparently, the silly little drop of insecurity must have been audible in his voice for the other chuckled.

"Not at the moment, no," he said gently, crossing the room in his now stain-free and short-sleeved dress shirt. "He's banned from this place for the duration of the game," he added, a tinge of playfulness in his voice. Jongdae actually liked this side of Yixing that was so hard to catch a glimpse at. The other was always controlled, gentle and mature, and in a way, distant. But the little signs of something beyond that were there, and Jongdae was in an exceptionally good mood today - work had been nice and the weather had gone from scalding to pleasantly warm. He felt energetic today and wanted to challenge Yixing and his mature, adult attitude a little.

"How about instead of sitting in some restaurant, we just order take-out and go for a nice picnic somewhere?" he asked, and Yixing's attention was immediately diverted from the pair of watches he'd been absently eyeing.

"Sure, if that's what you want," he agreed easily, already reaching for one of the blankets thrown over the couch. "Let's take a blanket along-"

"What, are you afraid to get dirty now?" Jongdae teased, and with an expression of mild surprise, Yixing left the blanket where it was. Jongdae pointed at an object standing in a corner, wedged in between the wall and a shelf.

"Is this yours?"

Yixing had to actually look and confirm, apparently unaware the dusty guitar still existed.

"It is. It's probably out of tune-"

Jongdae shushed him dramatically with a palm on his upper arm.

"This one comes along," he ordered, leaving Yixing no room for resistance. Yixing shot him a funny look but complied. Jongdae wondered whether he used to being bossed around by Baekhyun but chased away the thought of the two. This wasn't about Yixing and Baekhyun, it was about Yixing and him having a picnic date. Time to throw out all the worries and simply enjoy the moment.

  


* * *

 

 

"Okay, so I was thinking of something," Baekhyun huffed out breathily, plopping down next to Minseok. The mattress bounced a little.

"Yes?" Minseok asked, voice all smooth and calm - though his chest was rising a bit too quickly to be casual - shooting him a side glance. Baekhyun, whose eyes had been roaming his exposed chest, quickly snapped back into it.

"There's something I really wanted to do ever since this game started," he began anew, and Minseok was sure he was trying to look tempting right now - it wasn't that hard, considering the slight sheen of sweat, the disarray of his hair and the tiny, forgotten stain of white near his ear. He raised a brow at him.

"And what is that?"

Baekhyun's eyes _twinkled_.

"Since we already have so many players, why not cooperate a little? Yanno, living out our initial motto of sharing is caring?"

"You want an orgy," Minseok stated blankly. Baekhyun made the effort to look shocked at the blunt choice of words, but the way he licked his lips didn't escape him.

"Think about it - we'll never get a chance like this again, right?"

Minseok pulled the blanket over his chest and curled up on his side, facing away from Baekhyun, now that the sweat was doing its job of cooling him a bit too well.

"Probably?" he said around a suppressed yawn.

"So you're in?" Baekhyun asked way too excitedly, considering that he'd already come twice in the past hour or so. Minseok hadn't checked the clock.

"I mean, I can also have someone be in _me_ , but... whatever."

"Really? That’s a yes?"

Baekhyun sounded astounded. Minseok just hummed.

"Sure, why not?"

He felt Baekhyun fistpump and whispering a clearly audible "Yesss!" which had him shake his head in mock exasperation.

"I'll see who I can gather, but I bet at least Sehun would join us any day," he rambled before Minseok was suddenly yanked back on his back and had a face full of Baekhyun.

"You're the best, what can I do to reward you?" he all but purred, and Minseok's lips tugged into a grin before he could help it.

"Let me get some sleep?"

"You can choose anything that you could possibly think of and you choose sleep? Are you absolutely sure about that?" Baekhyun asked, none-too subtly rubbing up against him.

Minseok gently cupped his face, only to collect the stray stain of white with his thumb and smear it across Baekhyun's lips.

"I mean, if you're offering yourself up _so_ generously..."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dating Yixing felt like summer.

The grass was tickling his neck and the sun was so bright that he felt his own skin heating up.

"Tomorrow, you'll be sunburnt," Yixing absently said as he tuned his guitar. Jongdae only rolled to his stomach to fish a piece of sticky chicken out of the box they had brought.

"I'll survive," he provided simply, eyes trained on the guitar. "How long has it been since you last played?"

"A while. A few years, maybe. I don't know why I stopped."

Jongdae hummed and fed him a tiny piece so his hands wouldn't get sticky.

"I would have thought you'd play for the kids. Or for Baek."

"I used to, though I never took it to work," Yixing replied. "Maybe I should do that one day."

Yixing was different, had been different ever since Tuesday when they had fetched Jongin. Jongdae had just silently observed this development, not asking in fear of ruining whatever was going on. It took a while, but over various conversations he realized that it was simply his work attitude. As a kindergarten teacher, Yixing was all about patience, a gentle, but insistent and strong force. Jongdae, on the other hand, was required to be quick, decisive and agile, and rarely acted in a familiar environment. To put it bluntly, Yixing had respected him, but hadn't taken him seriously. Hadn't felt like they were on par, mentally. For some reason, this display of work attitude had impressed Yixing to this extent. It was hard to wrap his mind around, but Jongdae wasn't going to complain.

"Alright, now what do you want me to play?" Yixing asked, ripping him out of his thoughts. Jongdae stared at the guitar as if he was actually thinking about it, but dropped the pretense quickly.

"Just play whatever you want!"

He had no idea what he'd done this time, but Yixing looked at him like he'd never seen him before. Then he blinked, turned down to look at his hands and started tugging at the strings.

He played and played. Tunes that would develop a rhythm, repeat itself and then blend into the next one. Jongdae just closed his eyes and enjoyed the sun rays teasing his face as the melody filled the air. At one point, he squinted up to see that Yixing was smiling, wider than he'd ever seen him smile. Like this, he looked much younger and more boyish.

He didn't seem to grow tired of playing, either, and eventually Jongdae rolled to his side to get a good look at him. Yixing returned his gaze with a questioning one, but Jongdae just shook his head and smiled. He could see it now, how Baekhyun would be helplessly drawn in by him. Yixing seemed like a deep body of water, albeit a friendly, warm one. Perfect for keeping you warm on snowy days, for making you smile on rainy days... and perfect for shining dazzlingly in the sunlight.

In fact, this moment was so nice that Jongdae reached for his phone.

"Let's shoot the others a text - see if they wanna join us? This weather and your guitar skills are too nice to go to waste, don't you think?" he asked, phone lightly lying in his hands as he waited for permission. The melody ebbed down to the lightest, vaguest tugs that seemed more intuitive than anything.

"Don't you think they'll be at work? But sure, why not?"

"We'll only know if we ask them," Jongdae hummed, already typing up a simple message to the group chat lovingly named lovesha - short for Love Shuffle, according to Baekhyun.

He had already sent the message, had watched the first numbers tumbling in, indicating it had been read, when he realized that Yixing was looking at him, his fingers finally sitting still on the chords.

"You're so spontaneous."

"Is that a bad thing?" Jongdae asked carefully, unsure of how to interpret the look on his face. Yixing shook his head ever so slightly.

"No, not at all. It's admirable."

He placed the guitar down to rest on his lap, gently leaning his arms on top.

"You know, in my job it's all about calm guidance," he started, and Jongdae rested his head on his arm, making himself comfortable for the story he was in for, "indulgence, too, sure, but at no point do you really shed the role of a guardian. Control and security are highly encouraged. As you can probably tell, neither of these give me trouble," he said, not without a healthy tinge of humor. Jongdae flashed him a grin and tilted his head a bit, silently asking for him to continue.

"You seem to live on the opposite end of the spectrum though. It's all quick adaptability, being flexible at all times and being ready to make major decisions under pressure. Even if I wasn't in the field I am in now, I'd still admire how well you handle all this. And you're really lively at that."

Jongdae squirmed a little.

"Stop praising me, I'm awkward with compliments," he whined playfully, unable to fight back a grin. "You could do it, too. It just takes some getting used to. Besides... Baekhyun is pretty spontaneous, too - are you seeing a bit of your boyfriend in me?"

His tone was obviously light, dare he say it, flirtatious (ignoring the fact that he brought up his date's boyfriend), but Yixing took him completely seriously.

"No..." he said, all drawn out, as if he was internally picturing a lot of past happenings Jongdae clearly couldn't know. "No, Baekhyun is very... different. Spontaneous, too, sure, but more of the type who gets an idea and then grabs you by the arm to tug you along."

"Ah, so I'm not wild enough, I get it," Jongdae sighed and rolled back to his stomach. "Try not to fall for this lil wallflower, then. I'm scared of Baekhyun."

Yixing actually laughed at that. He laughed so heartily that Jongdae turned his head to look up at him.

"What? Is the thought of you falling for me _this_ funny?" he inquired with a pout. Yixing hesitated, only to start laughing again, short bursts of disbelief and amusement.

"No. No, it isn't," he assured him when he got over whatever had him this entertained. "It's just the thought of someone saying they'd be afraid of _Baekhyun_. Back then, this would have been... so strange."

"What do you mean?"

But Yixing only shook his head and went back to strumming a few chords. After a while, Jongdae started humming along.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_\- I left you some soup at your doorstep_

_I hope you're better soon -  
_

 

A second of hesitation, a few slapped on smiley faces, and Chanyeol sent the message and placed his phone on the table.

' _Why are you so desperate? You like him that much?'_

He started to clean up his desk, sorting the chaos into categories. Lyric sheets to the left, sheet music to the right, glassy eyes not really taking any of them in. The words of Luhan, the Chinese model, kept echoing around his head.

_'I don't even know him, really.'_

_'Then why?'_

_'I just wanted to be a good boyfriend to him. I just wanted him to like me.'_

The truth sounded so pathetic, even back then and even in his head.

Was it so wrong? Jongin was handsome, talented, had a magnetic aura and apparently wanted company. Chanyeol was honoured getting the chance to date someone as amazing as him, and determined to do his very best, to be on his best behaviour and, maybe, just maybe... make Jongin like him, too. Minseok had been a great partner, but he clearly was not interested in him. And Jongin...

He grabbed a few pens to stack them away with lackluster movements.

Luhan's words had been harsh but the longer they ringed in his ears, the more truthful they sounded.

' _You're making a fool out of yourself for a person who neither respects nor appreciates you. Is that what your relationships usually look like?'_

Of course not, Chanyeol would have loved to say.

Of course not.

There had been times where he'd been too demanding and intrusive, times where his partner told him they couldn't breathe. Times where he'd been jealous but also those where his partner dumped him out of boredom, because it was just that easy to them.

But if he looked at this long, blurry list of memories, and really thought about it, it all came down to the exact thing Luhan had said.

_'You're not like Jongin, are you? You're not afraid of being alone. So why are you trying so hard?'_

Why indeed.

The phone screen lit up.

 

_\- I'm perfectly fine._

_Stop showing up at my doorstep like a creep_. -

 

Chanyeol looked at the curt message, a heavy feeling in his throat. Another message followed shortly after.

 

_\- In fact_

_Just find something else to do for three more days. -  
_

 

...and Jongin was offline.

Chanyeol placed the phone back with a soft click and exhaled shakily.

He slowly sank to the floor, just sitting on the carpet instead of his perfectly good chair, leaning against his closet, hugging his legs close to his chest.

"What am I doing?" he asked, barely above a whisper and voice cracking midway.  


" _What am I doing?_ "

 

 

* * *

 

 

On Friday, the elation had been exchanged for exhaustion. Jongdae's day had been hell, and a drawn out one at that. When the elevator doors opened, he was greeted by Kyungsoo, who was flipping through yet another magazine at the low table, and Chanyeol, who had brought out his laptop. Without a word, Kyungsoo easily pried a can of beer out of their sixpack and opened it for him. Jongdae wedged himself in between the table and the wall with a groan.

"You're the best," he hummed, reaching for the still mercifully cool drink. Everything hurt, especially his back and legs. It was not one of those days where your muscles ache in a gratifying way, either. He was just tired, both physically and mentally. Yifan had been in a shitty mood today which affected Zitao, and if your bosses are in a shitty mood, the whole workplace atmosphere is strained and there's lots of social buffering to do. Then he'd been busy literally running from one place to another, carrying props and clothes to set up a location for a quick shooting and interview. Smaller events were always the worst, since there was barely any staff aside for Jongdae himself.

"Rough day?" Kyungsoo asked, fingers still holding a page but eyes resting on him.

"You wouldn't believe," Jongdae hummed. For a while, it was silent as Jongdae aimed to switch from work mode to standby, sipping his beer and snacking on the bowl of gummy bears on the table.

"Where's Baekhyun?" he asked in between a cherry and a strawberry one. Kyungsoo shrugged.

"Out. Wherever he is, he's probably not wearing clothes right now, anyway, so I'm not craving his presence."

Jongdae grinned and shook his head, before resting it on his arms with a yawn. Next to him, Chanyeol was moving audio tracks along the screen, zooming in on them and adjusting things. Jongdae watched him absently. Chanyeol was obviously not in the best shape, either. Occasionally, he sighed, unaware of the sound as he was wearing his headphones. No wonder, considering the rough time Jongin was giving him. Jongdae didn't want to be nosy, but Luhan had texted him after the photoshoot, asking him whether he knew anything. He'd also guessed that Jongin was being forced to look in a mirror this time around. Jongdae didn't understand. Yes, Jongin was clingy and scared of being alone. But Chanyeol wasn't like that. Chanyeol seemed like the type to be perfectly capable of being alone - he simply had the tendency to fall a bit too often and maybe a bit too hard for people. Jongdae had been told of his innumerable amount of relationships and subsequent breakups. The core values of these two people and what motivated them were as different as day and night in Jongdae’s opinion. Either way, Chanyeol was miserable, and it wasn't a nice sight.

Just as he thought that, Chanyeol groaned in frustration and pulled his headphones down to rest around his neck.

"Nothing is working out today," he whined, and with his deep voice, Jongdae might have been intimidated if he hadn't known him. As it was, he only offered him a can without lifting his head from his arms.

"If you give up now, you'll be even more unlikely to touch it again tomorrow," he provided simply. Jongdae didn't think of himself as an overly creative person - he was all about finding and imitating patterns, but he'd seen enough creative breakdowns, with the most recent one having happened at work earlier. Chanyeol groaned a little more, glaring at the can of beer as if it was guilty in any way.

"I know," he grumbled. It was rare to see him this frustrated and openly unhappy. Jongdae hesitated, but ultimately dared to ask.

"How are things with Jongin?"

A rustle of paper stopped midway. Jongdae didn't turn to look and just looked at Chanyeol, who kept sloshing the beer around the can.

"Not good."

"What happened?" Kyungsoo asked simply. Chanyeol shrugged.

"He just hates me. I'm too clingy."

"Jongin is," Jongdae began, but trailed off in search for the right words, "...a little difficult, but not a bad person. And neither are you. Maybe it's just not meant to be."

Chanyeol hummed, entirely unconvinced.

"You're both dumb," Kyungsoo said. Jongdae grimaced, waiting for the situation to go downhill, but then his voice turned surprisingly soft. "But it's not your fault that things are like this."

Chanyeol looked over Jongdae at Kyungsoo. He seemed almost hopeful now, like anything Kyungsoo said must be true. Like he could make Chanyeol feel a little better about himself. Jongdae was a little sad that Kyungsoo's words had so much more value to Chanyeol, but anything that cheered him up was welcome.

Jongdae turned to look at Kyungsoo, and the motion was accompanied by a sharp pain. He hissed and whined - a tiny, repressed and frustrated whine. Why did this day have to be so awful?

"Do you want me to massage you?"

The question had come from Kyungsoo, and it had come so quickly and readily, too. Jongdae blinked dumbly, waiting a couple seconds to evaluate whether he'd heard correctly, but Kyungsoo just looked at him _expectantly_.

"Uhm. Sure?" he asked rather than stated, and Kyungsoo abandoned his magazine to wedge himself on the windowsill, encaging Jongdae between his legs. The whole position had Jongdae tensing up even more, to be honest, but Kyungsoo didn't pay it any heed and soon, fingertips were running over his shoulders, all fleeting and experimentally, getting a general feeling through the flimsy fabric of his dress shirt. Jongdae wanted to hide his blush, but Kyungsoo just muttered for him to sit still. Fingers felt around his muscles, experimentally pushing into a few hard spots.

"Jongin isn't a very confident person at heart," Kyungsoo began, clearly absently, "so someone like you probably puts him off. Asks for a bit more than he's used to."

"So it _is_ my fault," Chanyeol replied. Jongdae’s eyes remained trained on the table, cautious not to move too much.

"Don't beat yourself up over it, " Jongdae offered, flinching a bit at a rough push into a sore spot. "This actually doesn't have to be a big deal. You don’t owe anyone anything - no marriage on the table, nothing at stake."

The pressure moved smoothly, and the pain slowly decreased as he got used to it.

"You're just playing a dating game over a week. If you're just not compatible, that's nothing to be ashamed or broken up about. There's no need to force it, or else you'll end up being even unhappier. You know-"

Another pause, another sudden pain, a hitch in his breath, and Kyungsoo's fingers freezing for a second before resuming.

"-I didn't really click well with Yixing either. But ever since we stopped trying too hard, we can at least enjoy these few days," Jongdae ended, smiling despite the lack of eye contact.

To his surprise, Kyungsoo huffed at this.

"So I guess Jongin and I tried to hard and should have just given up right from the start."

"Nooo, no, no. Don't say that," Jongdae said, and the constant wave of minor pressure and pain was starting to feel good, actually lulling him into a weird, content state. He hadn't noticed just how exhausted he'd been from this entire day.

"You fought for that relationship, right? Because you wanted it to work, against all odds. That's really admirable."

He blinked away the haze to blink at Chanyeol for confirmation.

"Right?"

He was taken aback by Chanyeol's expression. It was unreadable and strange, and quickly loosened to morph into a taken aback one.

"Huh? I- I guess...?"

Jongdae shot him a funny look, but before he could open his mouth, Kyungsoo jumped back into the conversation.

"What would you fight for, against all odds?"

"What do you mean?"

Kyungsoo hesitated though his fingers didn't, and really, this was starting to feel very freeing.

"I mean what are you looking for in a relationship? What would you fight for? Love?"

Kyungsoo had the uncanny talent of pronouncing 'love' like others said 'cockroach', and Jongdae huffed with his eyes closed, enjoying the kneading he had resorted to.

"I don't know. I’d just go for it if it feels right? Isn't compatibility what attracts you in the first place?"

"You're so naive..." Kyungsoo muttered, but instead of sounding disdainful, he sounded gentle.

"Maybe. Probably. It's the best I have to offer right now, sorry," Jongdae replied with a small laugh. The warm hands moved away, leaving him revelling in the oddly prickling sensation washing over his skin.

"Then that's how you are. I'm done, you feel a bit better?" Kyungsoo asked, and Jongdae craned his neck - which was now aching in a good way - to smile at Kyungsoo.

"Very. Why don't you massage Chanyeol, too? He probably needs it more than I did!"

At this, Kyungsoo looked hesitant, eyes flitting over to Chanyeol and back. He looked... shy?

"Sure," he said, sounding everything but sure.

"You don't need to, it's alright-" Chanyeol stammered, making rapid movements with his hands that went ignored by Kyungsoo, who tried to take a seat behind him only to realize that Chanyeol was much taller than Jongdae and that there was no room. A bit of awkward fumbling later, Kyungsoo ended up sitting cross-legged on the window sill, obviously not perfectly put together anymore. Not that it was painfully obvious, but his movements were a tad less purposeful, his gaze a little restless.

"Really, it's okay. I'm fine-"

"Shut up," Kyungsoo said, words tumbling out before he realized it, apparently, because in a much softer voice he added: "I need to concentrate."

With interest, Jongdae watched the way Kyungsoo unceremoniously lifted the bulky headphones to rest them on Chanyeol's head instead. He watched the way he went to work, slow and hesitant at first, looking a bit cramped and tense himself. All lax and tired, Jongdae rested his head back on his arms again to observe both of them gradually loosening up. The tips of Chanyeol's ears were almost as red as his hair, and he didn't meet Jongdae's eyes once during the whole thing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo hummed in question. They were watching a movie again, an action flick this time, with Sehun's head resting on Kyungsoo's lap. They mostly spent their time like this - the movie or series itself hardly mattered. It was more about spending time together, mutually and silently enjoying the other's proximity. Sehun hadn't asked for sex since Tuesday's fiasco, but he turned out to actually really love cuddles. Kyungsoo was usually awkward regarding skinship around people his age, but Sehun was so out of question, sexually-speaking, that holding him was surprisingly easy, and when the weekend rolled around he had to admit to himself that this was actually not bad; there was no pressure or tension between them since Kyungsoo made it clear that he wasn't interested in sex and Sehun wasn't interested in romance. It could have gone either horrible wrong or perfectly right, and apparently, lady luck was on their side. It was almost too easy.

 

Now they sat on the couch on a Saturday evening, all huddled together like they'd known each other forever. Sehun rolled to his back to look up at him.

"Are you aro, too?"

Kyungsoo blinked.

"Arrow?"

"Aromantic," Sehun clarified.

Oh. When he huffed out in amusement, Sehun looked mortified - a rather unusual look on the little brat.

"What makes you think that?" Kyungsoo asked, smoothing over the other's hair in a patronizing manner. Sehun's eyes fluttered close immediately, saving himself from further humiliation.

"Can you blame me? You give off the vibe," he murmured, brows knitted together. With a thumb, Kyungsoo smoothed them out almost absently.

"Because I didn't fall in love with you?"

"Because you don't sound like you even consider falling in love with anyone."

Kyungsoo thought about that.

"Does anyone really consider that? Like, do you meet a new person with the immediate thought of _oh no, I might be falling in love with this guy_? Or girl?"

"I mean. I don't, obviously. But it's like that for people, isn't it? That's why you don't just room with a girl or undress in front of others."

Kyungsoo flicked his forehead and got an unhappy sound in return.

"What you're talking about is mostly of a sexual nature. I feel like you know enough about _that_."

Sehun squirmed in his lap.

"Okay, true, but. But... I don't know. So you're not aro," he ended in a final statement.

"No, I'm not," Kyungsoo replied, all calm and neutral.

"What's it like for you? Love, I mean?" Sehun asked bluntly, and Kyungsoo couldn't deny being taken aback by this. He hesitated.

"What do you expect me to say now? It's... love. You feel attracted and bound to someone."

Sehun took his time with his next words, too, but less because he didn't know what to say and more because he felt reluctant to actually say them.

"I just can't _not_ wonder what I'm missing out on, you know? I don't feel this life-long, amazing bond, it's just. I can like people, but it's... never enough," Sehun said quietly, looking at him like the answer might be reflected in Kyungsoo's eyes. As if he had an answer.

"Well," he began slowly, thinking his words through carefully, "if you don't feel the need for romance, then you can hardly miss out, right? That would suggest you actively missing something, wanting something. You're wondering, sure. But if you're saying it's _not enough_ then that's something only those around you can tell you, right? Cause it's enough for you."

"Well. But this is something so basic-" Sehun argued, but Kyungsoo wouldn't have it.

"Everything is as important as you make it out to be. You're _not enough_ for someone? Well, they might not be 'enough' for you, either. You gotta find someone whose values fit yours."

Sehun seemed conflicted and not entirely convinced.

"That all sounds nice and shit, but if I'm not in _love_ , then the world doesn't take you seriously."

"Fuck the world," Kyungsoo said bluntly, and Sehun snorted, finally cracking a smile that reached Kyungsoo and was mirrored, if only a little.

"I mean it. Fuck them. Literally, if that's what you enjoy. The value of a companion is not measured by romantic attraction. It simply slaps another color on top. Who cares about what people say."

"You say it like it's so easy," Sehun complained, nose nuzzling into Kyungsoo's stomach. "But in reality, no one wants anything less than romance."

"Except for you," Kyungsoo deadpanned.

"You know what I mean! I couldn't just go around and find anyone to be with me like we are right now. Who would just cuddle or fuck around but be content with me not being romantically attracted."

"I'm pretty content right now," Kyungsoo replied, and Sehun looked flustered for a second, before his focus returned.

"Wouldn't you miss the romance? Wouldn't you fall in love with someone else?"

"If I were to fall in love with you, I'd _fall in love with you_ ," Kyungsoo argued almost softly. "If you told me that you treasure me in any way, that would already be more than anyone could hope for, especially coming from you. Love really isn't a magical, foreign force ready to strike at you. Love means infatuation but it's nothing without companionship and trust to hold it up."

Sehun looked thoughtful at that.

"You... don't really sound like you hate love, after all."

Kyungsoo shrugged, feeling a bit bitter all of a sudden.

"What's there to really hate? Infatuation. Hormones. Love means nothing in the long run. The sparks die down and then it will show whether the foundation you built during that time holds up. I don't want to waste my time being played by my own body and blinded by sparks."

"But the companionship is nice?" Sehun asked, suddenly a little flirty as he rubbed his nose along Kyungsoo's ribs. With a benign smile, Kyungsoo ruffled his hair.

"Sure. It's nice."

It really would be nice. Kyungsoo had friends, sure, but none were exceptionally close to him. Having something like this, someone to share physical comfort with was relaxing. It tickled the dormant memories of his first years with Jongin. Their foundation hadn't been strong enough, and the result was just painful to a point where he clearly remembered the sour aftertaste up to this day. He didn't want to fall in love, he just wanted a very close friend.

But he didn't trust his body not to betray him.

"You never know when the sparks set in and try to ruin everything," he whispered, stroking the side of Sehun's face.

"Fuck the sparks," Sehun stated petulantly, and Kyungsoo huffed out a little laugh.

"Touché."

Maybe he was right. Fuck the sparks.

 

"Oh, and Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo hummed.

"Can I go and have an orgy?"

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

"Go ahead. But use protection."

Sehun looked a bit surprised at the simple answer, before shrugging and snuggling closer.

"Cool."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongdae stared at the ridiculous amount of food on the table. It was only Yixing and him, but there were enough dishes to feed 4 people. And then the salacious waitress sashayed into view to bring even _more_ side dishes.

"Yixing. Do you really think we can finish-"

" _You forgot the radish_ ," Yixing said in Mandarin with a smile that wasn't quite like him. His tone was warm alright, the smile was warm, too, but there was a certain spark to his eyes, and it was rather sharp. Jongdae would have been worried if his understanding of Mandarin wasn't as good as it was - and it was by no means perfect, but working for a Mandarin designer duo he'd been friends with forever really helped with that.

The waitress - who wore an amount of makeup thick enough to obscure her age by at least ten years - shot him an openly _sleazy_ smile.

" _Of course, Xing, it's coming right up_ ," she purred.

Jongdae watched her bustle back into the kitchen. The restaurant was so nondescript hat Jongdae would have simply walked past if not for Yixing pointing it out. It was also kinda uninviting overall - mostly blank, white walls and cheap, red plastic cushioning the seats. Jongdae hadn't been worried when they walked through the sleazy, Chinese district late at night. It might be wise to stay clear of it as a Korean, but with Yixing as company, he felt safe. The group of obviously drunken thugs in a far corner of the restaurant were anything but reassuring though. They kept sneaking glances at them.

With a click, a simple shell of radish was placed on the desk and cheap, fruity perfume invaded his nose.

" _There you go, Xing_."

Really, it was so strong on the citrus-end that it drove tears to Jongdae's eyes. Instead of leaving, the waitress tilted her head to give Jongdae an obvious once-over. Then she grinned like a cheshire cat.

" _Where did you leave Baekkie_?"

She was obviously hoping to hit Yixing hard with this, but the other just smiled.

" _He is very aware that this is happening right now_."

" _Ooh_ ," the waitress sing-songed, leaning towards Yixing with no shame at all.

" _So you finally decided to loosen up a bit_?"

Yixing's smile was icy.

" _Touch him and dread the consequences_ ," he said almost too sweetly.

With a roll of her eyes, the waitress drew back and left with muttered Mandarin that was too vague and rapid for Jongdae to catch up.

"I'm sorry about her," Yixing said, a genuinely apologetic smile on his lips.

"It's okay. Old friend?"

"Let's say we've known each other for a while."

Before Jongdae could address the dubiousity of everything, Yixing reached for the chopsticks.

"But let's not let the food get cold. It's the most authentic and delicious Chinese food you'll get around here."

Jongdae had been more than skeptical but it turned out to be true. Again, working for Yifan and Tao had led him to a couple Chinese restaurants and even to China, on some occasions. This was definitely the closest he'd ever been to authentic Chinese food.

And still, as delicious as this was, Jongdae couldn't help but feel a bit out of place. Yixing seemed to pick up on it and started talking in between putting bits of every dish in his rice bowl.

"This place is really special to me," he began, "I used to come here a lot, but I kinda stopped when Baekhyun and I got serious."

"Why is that?" Jongdae asked, devoting himself to the peanut and honey chicken. Intuition told him that this girl was one of their exes and they'd therefore avoid it.

"Ah, I kinda quit my past lifestyle," Yixing said instead. "It wasn't really the place for Baek."

Now this was even more confusing. Jongdae couldn't help but think up ludicrous scenarios about him dealing drugs or something.

"Were you doing illegal things?" he asked, jokingly, really. Yixing _grinned_ and just continued to help himself, way too calm for Jongdae's peace of mind.

Oh god. Yixing had been one of these Chinese delinquents the newspaper liked to warn about. He was so calm and collected though? Or maybe that was the key to being a young mafiosi? Ordering people to get beat up with a smooth smile... no way. Jongdae was being ridiculous. And the thugs were still staring at them.

"Do they know you?" Jongdae said very lowly, and Yixing glanced at them.

"If they’re worth something in the scene, they do," he said almost teasingly and Jongdae started whining.

"You're fucking with me, aren’t you? What did I do to deserve this?"

With a small chuckle, Yixing placed the chopsticks aside to take a swig of his iced water.

"It's all good. No need to worry."

Despite Jongdae still clearly being worried, Yixing looked around the restaurant with misplaced fondness.

"You know... when I met Baekhyun, I was probably his 5th guy that week. He burnt through guys and girls like you wouldn't believe."

Jongdae raised a brow and was wise enough not to say anything. Yixing chuckled.

"Or maybe you would believe. Either way, he didn't want to be with just one person at first. And I didn't want my partner to sleep around. It was a rocky road for both of us, but we ended up the way we are now."

"You mean you both gave up on something?" Jongdae asked, and Yixing shook his head.

"Hah, Baekhyun kind of liked the thrill, he's awful like that. And apparently, he still does..."

In response to Jongdae's worried look, he hurried to dismiss his previous statement.

"Don't get me wrong. I agreed to all of this. If this is enough to sate what he's lost, then that's a small price."

"You think so? I think there would have been a better way to do it. But sure, if you say so..." Jongdae trailed off unsurely, but Yixing seemed unfazed by it all.

"It really is alright. I'm telling you all this so you know what this place means to me. I spent a lot of time here when I was younger, and I felt like revisiting. It's... surprisingly nice. Maybe I missed this a bit more than I realized."

"Oh god, are you gonna go back?" Jongdae whispered with genuine horror. Yixing actually laughed.

"Not likely. But I feel really refreshed now, and it's thanks to you."

"Me?" he asked, clearly shocked.

"Yeah. You're really inspiring, Jongdae. And I hope this food is a worthy thank you for the nice week we had."

Jongdae actually squirmed in his spot.

"I didn't know you're so cheesy. A cheesy yankee boss, that's drama material," he said, causing Yixing to chuckle again. He was really different from the Yixing he'd spent an awkward date on Monday with. More open, more youthful, more trusting. There was still not a hint of romance in the air, but that was alright. Dating Yixing had been stress free and healing. Jongdae was rarely appreciated on such a level - people appreciated him for his work ethic, but no one ever told him he was... inspiring in any way. It made him feel amazed and a little more confident - if someone as amazing as Yixing could appreciate him, then surely he could bring _something_ to the table.

Though nothing could rival the ridiculous amount of food on the actual table - Jongdae felt like bursting after they ate so much as half of it. When he found a hair in one of the dishes, Yixing made the waitress bring a new one with a hidden sharpness that kind of really made Jongdae believe his story about his past. He also felt incredibly cheated when Yixing finally decided to put him out of his misery by offering to pack up the rests to take them home for another time. By that time Jongdae was so stuffed that he felt at least 4 months pregnant with food.

 

"You really shouldn't wander these streets alone though, promise?" Yixing airily asked as they rounded a corner to see his apartment. It was an eternal struggle of who was walking whom home, but it was Yixing's turn to be walked home today.

"Am I not already in danger? They saw me with you - what if I get kidnapped tomorrow?" Jongdae asked, brain unable to function sharply under the amount of food he'd eaten. He needed a nap.

"Then I'll put together a team of professionals to save you," Yixing joked, and Jongdae snorted.

"Love Shuffle Team, to the rescue!" he announced with a yawn. "We got a really tall, whiny boy and a tiny programer who might stab you with a keyboard."

"A keyboard is a bit blunt for stabbing, no?" Yixing asked. Jongdae shot him a meaningful side glance.

"All the more impressive if you manage to do it, then."

"Touché."

They halted in front of the door, and Jongdae would have loved to say something final, something as meaningful and cheesy as Yixing had earlier. But he couldn't think of anything. So he just reached forwards to hug him, unconsciously standing on his toes to make up for the height difference.

"Thanks for this week," he hummed into his shoulder. Yixing gently squeezed his back.

"You're a really amazing guy, and I hope things between you and Baek work out. Hit me up and I'll kick his ass if he gives you trouble."

When he drew away, Yixing stopped him with a hand in the back of his neck, pressing their foreheads together. His eyes fluttered shut to avoid going cross-eyed, but _now_ there were butterflies, at something as simple as this.

"Thank you, Jongdae," Yixing murmured. A fleeting peck to his cheek followed and moments later, Jongdae was turned away from the apartment complex and ready to go home, feeling a bit dazed and warm, to be honest.

 

When Yixing entered his apartment, the first thing he did was open the messages he'd gotten a while ago. There were several texts and finally, a photo depicting a graphic closeup of Baekhyun, with his lips stretched around a dick.

_Warming him up for you_ , said the last message. Yixing stared at the picture for a while.

Internally, he counted to thirty before he turned around to leave the house again, in order to avoid Jongdae as he walked to his car, phone still buzzing with incoming messages in his back pocket.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin counted to ten in his head. Then he turned around the corner to see Chanyeol wait at the subway exit. He was wearing a backpack and a base cap with the fiery red hair peeking out and betraying him even from afar. Jongin squared up his shoulders, breathed in deeply and squeezed himself through the masses of people. It was Saturday evening, and the streets were crowded. He didn't really have a plan, hadn't even really prepared the words he was going to say, and it showed when he stood in front of Chanyeol, an awkward smile on his lips.

"You came," he said, and Chanyeol responded with a hum and a smile, albeit a cautious one. Jongin wasn't deterred.

"How about we just start walking? I know a good restaurant not too far from here."

"Sure."

The answer came easily, politely even, and Jongin waited until they had room to walk and breathe before he spoke up.

"Listen. I'm sorry about how this week went," he began. Chanyeol hummed, encouraging him to talk.

"I was being a massive jerk and you didn't deserve that," he quickly said, eyes trained on the street as they kept walking. "Sorry."

When Chanyeol didn't immediately reply, didn't immediately forgive him, Jongin felt pressured to fill the void.

"It wasn't your fault. It's all personal issues. Really."

Because Luhan was right - Chanyeol was way too similar to him, and that was the problem. Not that Jongin hated the behaviour directed at him - though it _was_ annoying, actually - it was more that it made Jongin realize how much he actually hated himself.

Chanyeol might be all vanilla and a clingy puppy while Jongin was all too ready to drop to his knees, but the essence remained the same - they were desperate, and Jongin had never felt as pathetic as he'd felt this week that he'd spent in mostly silent reflection. Because if he was being truthful... he was afraid of commitment, was afraid of being too much and get dumped and simply having sexual relationships was easier because at the end of the day he knew he would fall in love, too. He wanted it, really. Being with Jongdae platonically had been nice, but he was aware of the fact that his greedy self would eventually want more from him. It was just so frustrating - there was neither back nor forth for Jongin, and he felt cornered and helpless and angry at himself. He'd let it out on Chanyeol and that really wasn't fair.

Jongin didn't say any of that though. He simply said he was sorry.

And Chanyeol turned to give him a wide smile, telling him that it was alright. There was a generous distance between them though, and that didn't change for the rest of the evening. Chanyeol was friendly. He smiled a lot, laughed, listened attentively and made jokes. He didn't try to touch him though, didn't get too personal in what he said - he was polite. Distanced. Reserved.

Clearly, something between them had snapped and there was no way to repair it. He deserved that, Jongin thought bitterly. Ironically enough, Chanyeol being reserved made him want to be the one putting in effort. He really was hopeless.

 

"So... this is it for me, I gotta go to work now," Chanyeol said at around 9 in the evening. They'd been aimlessly walking the streets, but Jongin realized that they'd stopped in front of a train station.

"Oh," Jongin said dumbly. Chanyeol didn't offer to meet up afterwards, or to maybe have a last breakfast on Sunday morning. Jongin didn't ask about it either. He just told Chanyeol goodbye, and better luck for the next week.

With a bitter smile on his lips, Jongin sat in the train on his way home. He'd fucked up.

 

Meanwhile Chanyeol stared into space, smile slowly fading as he focused on breathing calmly. Then he put on his heavy headphones and switched on the music, raising the volume with every step he took, until it wouldn't go up any more.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Oh."

Jongdae looked at the apartment's door as the first raindrops hit the asphalt.

He'd forgotten his keys. He rang at Kyungsoo's, assuming he'd be home... but he was greeted with silence. He tried Chanyeol, then Baekhyun, but none of his neighbours appeared to be home. With a sigh, he reached for his phone.

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
It was Minseok who opened the door for him, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and a slight sheen of sweat. Yixing gave him a nod and orderly hung up his jacket, stepped out of his shoes and followed Minseok into his bedroom like he lived there. Like it was completely natural.

"Yixing is here," Minseok announced calmly as he kneeled on the bed. Sehun looked up at him and grinned. Baekhyun didn't look up. He couldn't exactly do that with the way Sehun held his head in place. Lewd slurping sounds turned to gagging ones. Yixing pulled a chair away from the desk to take a seat, loosening the first two buttons of his shirt, but making no further move to undress.

"I wouldn't have imagined you would show up," Sehun joked, expression fluttering in ecstasy, but the sharp edge was prominent. "Didn't take you as the type to cheat on your cute boyfriend."

Yixing smiled and leaned back.

"We've said our goodbyes, I'm not dating anyone as of now."

"Did you hear that, Baekhyun? He's single and ready for the taking," Sehun hummed. Minseok smoothed his palms over the bare, glowing skin of Baekhyun's back, only to snake a hand around and press a finger inside Baekhyun's mouth, opening it even wider. Yixing had always assumed the silent guy would be quite nasty in bed and this was a confirmation for sure. Baekhyun moaned even louder at that, all eager and desperate. Yixing just sat back and smiled, and no one noticed the way his knuckles turned white around the arm rest.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The beat was loud, even more so to Jongdae, who sat on a low, narrow bench right behind the turntable. There were many jackets mashed onto the bench, but Jongdae didn't feel all that sorry for sitting on them. Everyone was probably too drunk to care, anyway. He'd been there for a while, ever since Chanyeol shot him a quick text, offering for him to stick around and let him sleep over afterwards. He'd given Kyungsoo his spare key, but he was apparently away from his phone, just like Baekhyun.

In front of him, Chanyeol was very busy - his fingers flew over the turntable and whatever second he had to spare he spent partying himself. Jumping, clapping, feeling the beat; Chanyeol was in his element, and it was really pleasant to see. Not only because Chanyeol had been rather depressed all week, but also because it was eye-opening to see how his passion and understanding of music seemed to flow into his work. Jongdae had a hard time imagining how certain songs and rhythms could sound amazing or even work well together, but now that he got to hear it live, he understood.

With a sigh that was drowned out by the pumping bass, he sank into the pile of jackets, cheek mashed against an overly padded one. Events with many people always had such a lonely ring to them. Fashion events, too, though Jongdae rarely ever had time to dwell on that since he was usually surrounded by people and very busy. He wasn't either of those things right now though, and his eyes traveled over the mass of jumping, dancing people. Places like these tended to make him feel... isolated. Lonely. Next Sunday, the game would end, and he'd go back to being single again. Though in a way, he was also single right now. He wasn't sure what he had expected or what would improve his current situation.

Since there was nothing to do, no one could stop him from dozing off to the surreal feeling of being in a club and yet not even trying to celebrate or meet people. He just slowly drifted off to the violent beat and flashing lights, face buried in Chanyeol's jacket.

 


	4. Round 3

 

It was late, way beyond midnight. In a few hours, Yixing would draw his new partner and then he'd be dating the tall, jumpy kid. Right now though, he wasn't dating anybody.

Without much of a fuss he zipped up his pants and closed the few buttons of his dress shirt again. On the bed, Sehun was already fast asleep, facing the wall. Baekhyun had closed his eyes but was clearly still awake while Minseok watched his every move with inquisition. With a soundless sigh, Yixing got up and patted Baekhyun's bare back, despite everything his feelings and instincts told him.

"Come, I'll drive you home."

Baekhyun lazily blinked up at him, only half turning to see him.

"I _am_ home. Minseok is my boyfriend right now."

It was meant to be teasing, despite lacking the energy. Yixing got that. He really did. And maybe that was the reason he slowly pulled his hand away and then took a step back. The reason for his gaze and voice to cool down so significantly.

"I see."

He said nothing more as he left the apartment.

He didn't reply to Baekhyun's text, either. There was no reason to read messages at this time of the day if they came from a stranger.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongdae was in good spirits.

"This is a bit weird."

"What is?" he hummed, paying for his oversized limo and Sehun's coke, as well as the tacos.

"Oh, I don't know, hanging around at the cinema like we have no homes of our own?" Sehun provided, though he did help him carry their drinks.

"Ah, shush, it's just til the movie starts."

"Which is in almost two hours."

Jongdae shrugged as he walked towards the deserted seating area. It was an early evening on a Monday, so no wonder the cinema would be empty. He placed the food and drinks down to dramatically plop into the cushiony red seats.

"So?" he asked, already fishing for a taco. "The seats are comfy, the atmosphere quiet and chill, we will watch a movie a later and the food is expensive - just like in a real restaurant!"

"It's just tacos," Sehun blankly said, sipping on his coke.

"With hot cheese sauce," Jongdae intervened. "And definitely no waiting time."

Sehun was rolling his eyes, but also smiling. Yes, ever since last week, Jongdae was in rather high spirits - sure, he was a bit sad that the game would be over soon, but after a generous amount of sleep he reasoned that it was all the more reason to enjoy his last week as a non-single. He had quickly realized that Sehun wasn't Yixing though. In fact, Sehun and Yixing were different in just about every aspect. Where Yixing had been soft-spoken with a hint of comfortable teasing, Sehun was downright sassy from the start and probably reserved the nice words for very special people. Where Yixing was mature, Sehun reveled in childishness, and enjoyed every second of it. Where Yixing was monogamous and faithful, Sehun was aromantic and promiscuous.

"So what do you work as again?" Jongdae asked between tiny taco pieces - he liked to saviour the small pieces first (and they were more salty, anyway).

"A bookstore. Nothing exciting."

"Oh, then you must be a bookworm?"

Sehun half-shrugged.

"Not really. I guess the ones I enjoy the most are photobooks. I usually flip through photography books when I get bored at work. Maybe architecture, too, but... yeah."

"Photography?" Jongdae repeated, subtly sucking the grease off his fingertips. "We're actually having a small shooting tomorrow! Nothing special, just a quick studio shoot, but if you want to, you can come. If you're free."

Sehun looked a bit wary, but clearly interested.

"Wouldn't that be awkward?"

But Jongdae only dismissed him.

"Nah, nobody really asks questions about stuff like that. If you see it, you'll get what I mean."

With a skeptical hum, Sehun slid from his own seat into the bench, right next to Jongdae, close enough to press their sides together. Jongdae was a bit startled, but ultimately, he leaned into him with slightly flushed cheeks and a happy grin. He really was getting the hang of this game.

That's what he thought when in reality, he totally missed the way Sehun eyed his shiny lips.

  


* * *

 

Yixing was waiting at the corner where he and Chanyeol were supposed to meet. The other had suggested a cheap but apparently very nice barbecue restaurant, making a joke about how this perpetual dating was killing his wallet. To be perfectly honest, his thoughts didn't revolve around his date at all. There were still vague images covering his mind like smoke screens. Baekhyun raking himself on the sheets, Baekhyun shooting him casual smiles amongst other people, arm resting around another person's waist. Baekhyun covered in cum.

Baekhyun, who just teased him like it all meant nothing.

He also thought of Jongdae. Unassuming, naive Jongdae who was full of ideas and ideals alike - who reminded him so much of what he himself had used to be. And what Baekhyun had never been. Jongdae had taught him to dust off his old self, to embrace the spontaneity and energy he'd had. Well, maybe this called for old, fiery Yixing, he thought as he stared through the cobble stones and people walking past. If Baekhyun wanted to play this game so bad, then maybe it was time Yixing started playing for real, too.

"Oh, am I late? I'm not, right?"

When he looked up to see Chanyeol shooting his phone a frazzled look, hair and clothes clearly ruffled... he shot him a blinding smile.

"Oh, not at all. I was just early," he said smoothly, not minding the height distance as he placed an arm around his waist and led the way if it was the most natural thing in the world. Chanyeol was stunned silent for a second but followed along with slightly drawn up, tense shoulders and obviously red ears.

 

* * *

 

Kissing Sehun... tingled.

He was more purposeful than Jongin and more flexible in his movements than Yixing. And dominant enough for both of them.

They hadn't even made it out of the cinema - currently, they were still in the main hall, though Sehun had been reasonable enough to tug Jongdae behind a giant cardboard prop for a children's movie before pressing him up against the wall. Jongdae had never been kissed like this or pressed up against a wall - at least not when he was sober - and especially not in a public, equally sober place. It was _exhilarating_. A vague part of him wondered whether there was anything different in Sehun's and Jongin's behaviour, whether Jongin would be disappointed if he knew Jongdae easily caved for Sehun when he hadn't done so for him. It might just be that Jongdae had loosened up over the rounds and gotten more bold, but it was hard to think about that when Sehun all but groped his sides and kissed him like he was actually hungry for it.  


 

* * *

  


'I'm sorry,' were the first words Kyungsoo said to Minseok.

"I'm sorry for being this late. Work wouldn't let me go," he said as he shrugged off his jacket and Minseok hung it up next to his.

"It's okay. Happens all the time."

Kyungsoo had heard of Minseok. Chanyeol had all but gushed about him when they were dating. Baekhyun had a lot of lewd, appraising comments to make about him last week and Jongdae described him as a very good colleague who was growing on him as a friend. Jongdae liked to talk about others - not to show off but because he liked talking about things that moved him in general, and if that happened to be people then that was it. Kyungsoo knew that by now. Out of all his neighbours he liked the quirky, but considerate guy the most. He liked to talk, but not to constantly yell or poke fun if it wasn't appropriate. The point was that if Jongdae held Minseok in high regard, that spoke for the guy.

"How about some tea?"

His voice was as calm as Kyungsoo remembered it, not cold or overly caring. Minseok... tripped him up a little. He didn't know what to think of him yet, but he'd only met him minutes ago, so there was that.

They sat down at a table, tea mugs and all, and it felt more like an upcoming interrogation than anything. What Kyungsoo didn't expect, however, was for Minseok to place a silver key in front of him.

"What's this for?" he asked cautiously. Minseok just smiled, and there was neither entitlement nor awkwardness in it. Maybe a knowing edge.

"This apartment," he said simply. "You're my partner for this week, and my partners always have access to my apartment. Feel free to come over whenever you want."

"Whenever. You sure about that?" Kyungsoo asked a bit numbly, and Minseok nodded generously, reaching for his tea.

"Sure. Moving together for a week would be a hassle, but there's no need to think you might be inconveniencing me. I'm afraid I got a really tight working schedule this week, so you might not see much of me."

Kyungsoo listened, but there was no denying half of his attention was focused on the shiny, silver key in front of him.

 

* * *

 

Sehun was bored. Or at least that's what Jongdae assumed. The photoshoot really wasn't overly exciting, but Jongdae hoped it was mostly that he didn't know how to read Sehun. Because he couldn’t. At all.

The other kept hovering in the back or sitting in a chair, looking perfectly blank. He just didn't understand. Usually, he just wouldn’t worry about it, but Sehun was his date for the week and thus, should be taken care of.

The first time his expression changed was when someone slung an arm around Jongdae's shoulders.

"Yo, how are you doing?"

Jongdae looked away from Sehun's slightly taken aback expression to face a casual-looking Luhan.

"Luhan, you made it. Thanks for filling in, it's really appreciated," he said, mouth running on autopilot. He had never seen Luhan without any makeup or fancy clothes. Sure, most models looked shockingly normal - maybe not even necessarily pretty as much as interesting, but even with a perfectly bare face, Luhan looked stunning. It was a bit off-putting, in combination with the ratty hoodie he wore. His brown, unstyled hair looked common, but his eyes were sparkling.

"No big deal," the other yawned, looking quite unattractive doing so. Luhan was so model-like... but he had no facial control at all.

"Now, where did you leave your shuffle partner?" he asked curiously, and when Jongdae gestured towards Sehun, who had gotten up to meet them, Luhan instinctively took a step away from Jongdae.

"Oh. I thought he was a fellow model," he said, looking genuinely surprised. Sehun seemed skeptical and Jongdae was re-living the deja-vu.

"Luhan is a friend of Jongin’s. Luhan, this is Sehun," he introduced, all pacifying, just in case.

"You want tips on how to seduce Jongin?" Luhan said jokingly, but Sehun only shrugged.

"I won't be paired up with him, anyway."

With a playful grin, Luhan tugged Jongdae closer.

"Tips on how to seduce Jongdae here?"

Sehun's grin was smug.

"I don't need any of those."

Luhan shot Jongdae a weird look but the other was busy whining about the inappropriate exposure and shooing them away so he could do his job.

Everything ran pretty smoothly after that. With Luhan around, Sehun had someone to talk to while Jongdae managed the shooting and bustled around. When he returned a while later to ask Luhan to get in front of the camera, the two were talking about-

"It would kind of be a waste to skip morning sex though? I don't get the whole walk of shame thing, I really don't."

Sex. Of course. What else would a horny aro guy and one of Jongin's friends with benefits talk about?

"I know, right? It's kinda insulting - like the sex was really bad or something," Luhan replied with an empathetic grimace that didn't suit the elegant nude makeup at all.

"Well," Jongdae chimed in with crossed arms, "maybe some people just don't like to face the consequences of their actions-"

"-like what, soiled underwear?" Sehun asked. Jongdae softly hit him with his clip board.

"You're awful," he said with false exasperation and shooed a cackling Luhan off to the set. Sehun looked after him.

"He's cool," he said. Jongdae shot him a suspicious side glance.

"You wanna hook up with him, too? If you're thinking of a threesome, then-"

Sehun choked on nothing and then shook his head jerkily.

"I didn't. Think of that. Please."

Jongdae rolled his eyes. As if it was _that_ unlikely.

"Anyway," he decided to switch topics. "I was thinking of maybe going out after this? We could ask Luhan to tag along?"

"Is that your idea of a date?" Sehun asked, unimpressed, but Jongdae countered it with an unfazed expression of his own.

"Not like we're actually dating, so why not make the most of this?"

"Sounds good to me, how about some good old Karaoke?"

Jongdae would have to work on his attention span and where it lingered - Luhan’s sudden appearance in combination with his habit to touch him without warning almost gave him a heart attack. Sehun looked like a challenged kid.

"Fine, then I'll text the others, too."

"Awesome," Luhan said.

"I'll post it in the group chat for everyone to see," Sehun said.

"Nice. I hope Jongin has time!"

Luhan's smile was wide, genuine, but also a bit challenging. Jongdae wasn't sure what kind of challenge was going on here, but he wasn't ready to find out. Not until this shooting was wrapped up. He ended up physically dragging Luhan in front of the camera.

  


* * *

  


"Too much-"

"What, are you tired already?"

Jongin panted, winced and pawed at Baekhyun until he ceased the movement and settled on top of him. His thighs were really strong if he could keep riding him for that long. Two weeks ago, Jongin would have been delighted about someone willing to share the bed with him right away. It was kind of what he'd hoped for this game to do - provide him with people to radiate additional warmth at night. Now, he wasn't so sure what he wanted anymore, whether the game had given him more or less. He'd met Jongdae, who was only willing to give what Jongin was afraid of receiving, and then he'd met Chanyeol, who was willing to give everything which was even more scary on top of being annoying. Now, a handsome man was literally sitting on his dick, giving him exactly what he'd been asking for all along, but at this point, Jongin might be a little too enraptured by the things he was too scared to hold onto. Right now, he just wished he was braver.

He didn't say any of that and just grinned halfheartedly before urging Baekhyun to get off him; Baekhyun complied reluctantly.

"I'm not," Jongin hummed, settling on top of Baekhyun. "But now it's my turn to show off my thighs."

Below him, Baekhyun's grabbed his sides and tugged him down eagerly, almost aggressively while egging him on with dirty whispers. His dark eyes looked almost angry.

  


* * *

  


It turned out that both Jongin and Chanyeol were free.

It also turned out that aside from being a DJ and composing music, Chanyeol could also sing and sort of rap. They actually had some surprising talent among them, Jongdae thought as he watched Chanyeol sing a duet with Sehun. He hadn't figured Sehun was the type to openly sing and that appeared to be true, but with his close friend Chanyeol coaxing him to, he actually showed some soft, pleasant vocals. The trophy definitely went to Luhan though. That guy had the voice of an angel despite him cackling like a demon. It was a bit concerning (the contrast, that is. Though the cackling alone was, too).

"Is there anything you guys can't do?" Jongdae complained loudly, leaning into Jongin's side, who naturally accepted him there. Jongdae was aware enough to realize he was quite tipsy, despite it being the early afternoon, but what did it matter? This room was dark, it felt like night and everyone was in such high spirits that a part of him felt drunk on that, too.

Luhan slung an arm around him, tugging him closer - though the space on the couch was so limited that Jongdae remained squished in between him and Jongin.

"I'm assuming you're talking about me," he playfully said. "And yes, I know I'm amazing, it's true talent as I always say."

Jongdae turned to look at him, trying to look entirely unimpressed. Their faces were really close, but personal space was a difficult concept when Jongdae was tipsy.

"Did you know that modesty is one of the most sought-after traits? Bragging isn't exactly sexy."

"How else am I gonna get your attention, then?" Luhan asked back, lips still curled into a small smile, Jongdae noticed. After a second of contemplation, Jongdae smacked his shoulder.

"You're an awful flirt, back off!" he retorted, leaning back against Jongin. "Let me be with Jongin, I missed him."

"You're drunk," Jongin just said, a soft laugh being drowned out by music.

"Just a lil tipsy. I mean it. How have you been, Jongin? I was worried about you," Jongdae immediately rambled, looking at the other as if he was looking for visible signs of whatever Jongin might be feeling at the moment. The answer was in his eyes, in the insecure twitch of his brows.

"I'm fine?"

"That was a question, not an answer," Jongdae protested and placed a hand on Jongin's arm, all under the watchful, curious eyes of Luhan. "It seems like last week was rough. Are you better now?"

Jongin's eyes flit to Chanyeol, who was currently smiling into his microphone without a care in the world, entirely immersed in singing with his best friend.

"It was all my fault last week. I've been a bitch to Chanyeol. Baekhyun is cool, he just wants to fuck a lot. That's cool, I guess."

Jongdae furrowed his brows and inched closer.

"You don't seem too happy. You don't need to do this if you don't want to, you know that? Just smack Baekhyun, he can take that. Though if your timing is bad, he might even like it. Maybe don't do it, then."

Jongin smiled, and that made it worth sounding a little silly.

"No, it's not that," he said, so softly that Jongdae had to lean in to hear him. "I just don't really know what I want anymore..."

Jongdae nodded empathically.

"That's okay, too. No shame in that. Take your time to think about it. You can always hit me up if you wanna talk-"

"Really now? You're flirting with other guys right behind my back?" Sehun complained, and there was the childish side of him flashing through. "Shouldn't you cheer me on or something?!"

"He just offered for Jongin to _hit him up_ , too," Luhan provided not-so-helpfully, and Sehun sulked his way over to them. He insisted on taking Jongdae's place so the other could sit on his lap. Jongdae insisted on being a brat and slipped out of Sehun's possessive grip to flip through the music library, in search of a new song.

"You get along well with Luhan, don't you?" Chanyeol asked next to him, watching the song titles fly by. Jongdae hummed, not minding the bickering going on behind him.

"Not good?"

Chanyeol vehemently shook his head.

"No, that's not what I meant. It's fine. He's really cool. We even text occasionally, though I kinda feel like he just wants to make fun of me."

They did? Jongdae searched his brain for what he knew about Luhan’s relationship with Chanyeol - with so many people sporadically interacting with each other, he was kind of starting to lose track of who got along with whom - or who even knew each other, for that matter.

"Ah, we all met when Jongin got the heat stroke, right?" Jongdae said when it clicked. Chanyeol hummed.

"And yes, he's cool. I didn't know he could sing. But I didn't know _you_ could sing, either," Jongdae said. Chanyeol's fingers hovered over the screen, frozen.

"Thanks."

"I'm just being honest."

The fingers continued to sabotage Jongdae's song choice, flipping through the list of artists.

"You're taking ages, what are you looking for? 20 year old pop songs?" Luhan complained, and Jongdae was childish enough to stick out his tongue.

"You got any suggestions? Then you might wanna get up off that comfy couch-"

He regretted the words when he was squished in between Chanyeol and Luhan again. The low, pleasant buzz of alcohol in his system made it feel nice, but that was really not an appropriate reaction. Jongdae blinked. He should be careful with alcohol around attractive people he might be likely to meet again in life. Usually, he was better than this, but he hadn’t eaten a lot and was starting to lose track of the variety of drinks he’d had.

"Not this one, I don't know this one," Luhan complained, and Chanyeol complained right back at him, imitating his tone.

"Which one do you know, then?"

"Careful, kiddo, or I'll put on Mandarin folklore."

"You'll be suffering from the gibberish we'll sing. And don't call me a kid-"

"Oooh! This one, this one!" Luhan said, nearly bouncing behind Jongdae as he tapped on a title. Chanyeol was actually excited for that song, too, and easy pop music filled the booth. Without asking for permission, Chanyeol turned up the volume until the others protested. It was a blunt, lively song with simple lyrics Luhan was especially enthusiastic about. " _Because you, you... you got an opinion on me, one that no one asked for_!" he crooned, a mix of speaking and singing, unable to keep out the melody. Luhan was so funny, Jongdae thought as he was jostled in between them. Mature and childish alike, chill but lively. He was ripped out of his thoughts when the refrain hit in and a microphone was sloppily pressed to his lips.

" _If life gives you lemons_ -" Chanyeol began, offering the microphone back to him with an expectant look.

" _Ask for salt and tequila_ ," Jongdae completed the verse and was rewarded with utter joy from Chanyeol and even more enthusiasm from Luhan, who was eager to get Jongdae to sing into his microphone next. With three people and two microphones, they half-yelled themselves through the song. " _This world kinda makes me sick but I'll approach this all chill_ ," Chanyeol rapped, complete with gestures and a dorky performance just for them. Jongdae felt good. Like this was a special kind of happiness he'd look back on for a long time. What a nice idea - just taking a relaxed approach. At everything, really. It felt like the mindblowing type of realization that could only sparkle through the bottom of a bottle. But that didn't matter right now, because Jongdae was yelling into a microphone about tequila, cuba libre and blithe freedom.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongdae couldn't remember the last time he'd been this horny. Maybe at a party, last year? Maybe? Did he do anything back then? It was hard to remember with the way Sehun was sucking on his neck right now. Granted, Jongdae had been the slightest bit of tipsy when Sehun initiated this, as soon as they had entered his apartment. But right now, he felt very much sober - Jongdae never did this in a sober state. Usually, because people only showed interest in him when they were drunk. It wasn't a purposeful choice. And while the drunken haze was kinda nice, this was more intense and interesting. Sehun hadn't asked, hadn't fussed and just peeled him out of his clothes piece by piece, until Jongdae could crowd him against the headboard in nothing but his underwear, feeling bold and high on hormones. Why not, he thought to himself. Sehun wouldn't fall in love with him, he wouldn't fall in love with Sehun - why not take the opportunity to get a little more than he usually would, in daily life? Sehun held him in place with one palm on his lower back and one hand crawling into his underwear.

"Mh, that's it," he hummed as Jongdae shuddered, and the secure, placating tone did weird things to him. When the other's fingers pressed lower, probing around his rim, Jongdae flinched in his grip.

"Not all the way, please," he panted against the other's collarbones, tasting a hint of sweat on his lips. He was feeling bold, but not _that_ bold.

"Sure, babe," Sehun hummed and without warning, he pressed his fingertips into the skin around it, making Jongdae feel the stretch and jolt in shock before he moved to grope his butt instead. Jongdae wanted to whimper - the move had simply turned him on more and he felt his own tip smear precum over Sehun’s abs. Yes, Sehun had abs. Jongdae only had the honour to get up close and personal with a guy with abs once, and they weren’t even as good as Sehun’s. He would be perfectly content grinding against them til he came, but Sehun - possessive, smug Sehun - had other plans, it seemed.

A hand cupped the back of his head, fingers scratching his scalp like he was a cat, lips nipping around his ears.

"Your hands are so small," Sehun murmured into his ear, hot air adding to the heat messing him up from the inside already. "I wonder whether you'd need both to jerk me off."

It turned out that he did. Sure, it wasn’t strange to not be able to entirely reach around a dick with one hand, but Sehun was huge, ridiculously so, and Jongdae didn't know whether he was amazed at the sheer size, the fact that he was doing this or the shocking amount of pleasure he got from Sehun half-humming, half-moaning appreciative things into his ear.

_You're doing so good, just like that._

_Your fingers are so tiny. Look how you're holding on._

_I wanna see you choke._

 

The image made Jongdae mewl and put in more effort in stroking Sehun just right - he couldn't deny the spark of worry he felt when the placating, reassuring palm on his head wandered to the back of his neck to push him down. The number of blowjobs he'd given in his life was limited and there was no way he could spontaneously deepthroat a dick of this size. The pressure in his neck was firm though, pushing until Jongdae's lips touched the slick head of his dick.

"Just a little, come on," Sehun began, groaning when Jongdae clumsily put his lips around his head as he kept stroking, " _Yes_. God, you're so good, you're doing well, kitten."

Jongdae felt dizzy at this point. He was filthy, his fingers drenched in pre-come and his lips seeking out the equally slick head in time with his strokes. He felt strange, too high-strung, too-spurred on. Too eager to please, to be that kitten, to look like a slut and feel the hand in his neck maybe push him a little further-

Just that happened when Sehun came moments later, and hot, slick, salty liquid filled his mouth and spilled on parts of his face when Jongdae reacted with surprise. He was quick to keep kiss and lick him through it, swallowing everything after that. The moment Sehun stopped coming, he almost ripped Jongdae up by his hair, not even taking a second to calm down, as he shoved his hand into Jongdae's briefs, and Jongdae was so turned on he felt like crying. He felt himself be maneuvered until he sort of lay on his side, still slightly elevated by the blanket they had mashed against the headboard. Sehun's strokes were rough, but he slowed down upon seeing Jongdae wince and attempt to thrash in his hold. Slower, harder strokes and a thumb pressing patronizing circles into his cheek eventually tugged Jongdae over the edge. It was undoubtedly the most intense orgasm he'd ever had. Sehun was gracious enough to mind his sensitivity and wiped his hand on his own shirt, before tossing it off the mattress.

With a loud groan he fell on his back, causing them both to bounce once.

"That was good," he said to no one in particular. Jongdae just hummed, still trying to gather his wits. Every yet-to-dry liquid on his skin was currently cooling him more than he would have liked. He slid down until his head met the mattress and Sehun wasted no time in tugging the blanket over them. He fell asleep just around the time Jongdae's breath had evened out.

Jongdae stared at the ceiling, listening to the tiniest rustle of the blanket, cause by two sets of deep breathing. Strange. He felt strange right now. With the tension being relieved and the alcohol having evaporated out of his system along the way... Jongdae felt sober. Maybe a bit hungover, even - not physically, but mentally. He just did this. Something this filthy, too. Sehun had called him a kitten and petted his head, and he had just followed along so eagerly. His hands still felt sticky, just like his briefs that he was still somewhat tangled in, and the skin around his face was taut where the cum had dried. He felt... dirty. Odd. Was this regret? Shame?

For a long time, Jongdae just lay there, trying to grasp what had happened, and what was happening right now. Then he awkwardly tugged off his briefs, let them slide to the floor and turned on his side with his back to Sehun. When the other turned in his sleep, Jongdae slid a little further towards the edge to avoid touching.  


 

* * *

  


It was just past midnight when the door opened, and Kyungsoo placed his phone aside. If Minseok was at all surprised that the lights were on and that someone was waiting for him in his own apartment, he didn't show it at all. In fact, he took his time kicking his shoes off and when he popped his head into the kitchen soon after, he didn't look even a little surprised. Maybe a bit tired.

"You're here."

It was a statement, not an accusation or question. Kyungsoo shrugged.

"We haven't seen each other since Monday."

Minseok hummed in agreement, stretching what seemed to be a very cramped back. His hair was all over the place.

"Yeah, I was busy. I won't be able to stay up long right now, either - gotta get up at six thirty tomorrow."

"I didn't know whether you'd still want to eat after work," Kyungsoo said, not budging from his seat, "so I made something you can take to work tomorrow, too."

"I'll eat. Let me just take a quick shower, I am not authorized to step into a kitchen at the moment."

He showed his palms to go along with the statement, and they were both black. It looked like oil. Kyungsoo just gave him a quick "sure" in return and got up to reheat the simple dinner he'd made. Was this awkward? It really should be. He'd talked to Minseok for an hour or two and two days later, he was in his kitchen in the middle of the night. But Minseok really didn't seem to mind. Sure, he had offered, but who really wanted to do anything but fall in bed after a 12 hour shift?

"Smells good."

He flinched when Minseok placed a chin on his shoulder, peering into the pot.

"It's just a simplified version of a Chinese chicken dish," Kyungsoo replied as he turned down the heat. "I just wanted something that's good both hot and cold. I hope you don't mind spicy food."

"I don't," Minseok hummed, and despite the food obviously being ready, he didn't move at all. There was no sexual tension and no hands on his waist. Minseok was tired and a tad more pliant, but still gave off this vibe Kyungsoo couldn't put into words. His damp hair was tickling his cheek and the scent of shower gel filled the air. Simple, musky. Probably a very basic product aimed at men. Kyungsoo closed his eyes. For some reason, goosebumps were crawling down his arms.

Minseok was breathing steadily, too.

"The bread will burn," Kyungsoo said, just above a whisper. It didn't break the spell, but initiated a shift. Minseok drew away with a small smile, switching off the oven without breaking eye contact.

"We wouldn't want that," he said with a smile that was neither salacious nor cheesy. Kyungsoo looked back, the slightest confusion swimming in his eyes.

Something about all this was... odd. Kyungsoo felt odd.

  


* * *

  


Jongdae still felt weird on Thursday morning and decisively denied Sehun lazy morning sex activities, though he made a joke out of it. He suddenly felt much more distant and just... not right. He didn't understand why - they'd done some stuff, all without feelings, no big deal. So why was he being like this right now, so insecure, distraught and unhappy? Jongdae thought about it while showering, during breakfast and on his way to work. Sehun had attempted to kiss him goodbye, but Jongdae kept it at a quick hug, putting on his best aloof act.

He wanted to talk to someone, but who would he talk to in a situation like this? He wasn't even sure what was wrong with him.

The idea hit him when he'd just taken a seat in his office. It was not like there was anything urgent to do right now, so he took out his phone, and after some consideration, came up with a simple text message.

 

_This is random but... do you ever feel awkward or strange after a one night stand?_

 

He placed his phone aside to start his office routine and check his mails.

Luhan wouldn't laugh at him. That is, he might poke fun at him, but who else would Jongdae ask if not someone who casually has friends with benefits and seems to be perfectly at ease with them?

He had expected the other to reply in a couple hours, maybe. Not to call him immediately. The sudden sound of vibrations against a glass table had Jongdae flinching.

"Oh god," he muttered, fumbling with the phone to accept the call.

"Hey?" he greeted him, more questioning than anything.

"Hey Jongdae," Luhan replied, sounding very relaxed and not at all alarmed like Jongdae had feared. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Jongdae replied, still a bit frazzled by the sudden attention. "Aren't you at work or something?"

"Nah, not right now. I mean. I'm flexible regarding my job."

"So you're in your office watching videos of cute kittens?" Jongdae asked jokingly as he walked around his desk to leave. He'd like to keep this conversation private - at least the later parts of it.

"Please, I'm not that basic," Luhan replied, and a few sounds suggested an office chair being pushed back. It was a kind of signature creaking sound office workers knew all too well.

"Baby squirrels are just as cute. When they're past the naked mouse stage. And foxes, man. Do yourself a favour and google baby foxes."

"I'll do that, should I ever consider watching cute animal videos instead of working," Jongdae joked as he left the building. There was a bit of greenery surrounding parts of it - not enough to be called a park, but close enough to ensure some privacy.

"So what happened?" Luhan asked, as if he had sensed the timing was good now. "Did that kid do anything to you? Because I might not look like it, but I can and _will_ beat him up."

Jongdae was kinda touched that someone would say this despite not knowing him for that long. He might have to add him to the list of 'says they'll beat people up for me but are way too soft to go through with it' people. Currently, the list had Tao, Yifan and Junmyeon.

Then again, maybe Luhan would actually attempt this. Jongdae didn't know him very well yet.

"He didn't," he hurried to reassure him, but then changed directions. "That is, he did, but... uhm. Okay, I'll make this quick. The following happened..."

He felt a little silly as he recapped the previous evening. Surely, he sounded like the biggest loser right now. Luhan didn't interrupt, just made a bunch of knowing "u-huh"s whenever Jongdae took time to breathe.

"...and for no reason at all, I feel kind of shitty. You think I'm just not made for one night stands?" Jongdae ended, trying to sound light and not like he was taking himself too seriously.

"First of all: that was not a one night stand," Luhan began in a matter-of-fact tone, "since in a way, you're both dating and will do so until Sunday, I assume. Unless you wanna break up."

Jongdae hadn't even considered breaking up to be a possibility. But _no_ , he thought, shaking his head to rid himself of the thought.

"I don't think so, no."

"Okay, next question would be when exactly you started to feel bad about all this? Did he do something you didn't like?"

Again, Jongdae shook his head, even though the other obviously couldn't see that.

"No, it was all consensual. I mean. He was a little rough and stuff," he admitted with embarrassment lacing his voice, "but it was all good."

Luhan hummed again, but this time it sounded almost suspicious.

"So when did it start?"

Jongdae had to actually think about that for a second.

"Afterwards? Almost immediately after?"

"And you didn't talk to Sehun about it?"

"Well, he was asleep already?"

"Fell asleep on you right afterwards?" Luhan asked in a way that betrayed that he wasn't overly impressed by Sehun.

"Well... kinda. I mean, no big deal?"

"You said he was rough on you?" Luhan asked again, and Jongdae was starting to feel like maybe he shouldn't have said anything. Sehun hadn't done anything against his will.

"He was, but I didn't mind, really. Nothing I ever tried before, but it was all good," he began, instinctively defending Sehun, "it was just something about feeling all icky and sober and maybe it was just because I sobered up, yanno-"

"Hold on," Luhan interrupted him, sounding rather strict all of a sudden. Jongdae zipped his mouth shut obediently.

"Let me get this straight," Luhan began in that blank, matter-of-fact tone again. "Someone you've literally known for two days had rough sex with you - which was entirely new to you - and then left you lying in the cold and covered in cum to turn away and sleep."

"Are you around people right now?" Jongdae asked in a rather high-pitched voice that tried to sound lighthearted but failed by a mile. Luhan didn't humor him.

"No, I'm not, but that doesn't answer my question."

It was a bit shocking how accurately Luhan had guessed the situation based on Jongdae skirting around the descriptions. It was also a bit shocking how bad it sounded now that he heard it.

"It sounds pretty bad if you say it like that," Jongdae said, because his brain was running on auto-pilot at this point. Luhan groaned in exasperation, making Jongdae feel irrationally guilty.

"Because it IS bad. _Damn_."

Luhan sounded seriously upset. Jongdae was just confused at this point.

"I mean. It was just casual sex, so I didn't-"

"Jongdae, no. This is what you call 'being a dick'," Luhan intervened decisively.

"He doesn't know you at all and initiates something that was probably full of power play, if I interpreted you correctly, and afterwards, he just left you. Metaphorically speaking. Covered in cum. Not metaphorically speaking."

"Well, I don't exactly have the right to expect anything more, and I knew what I was getting into, so-"

"But you didn't!" Luhan argued. "You didn't, you went with the flow, tried something new. And he didn't even bother to help clean you up afterwards. Jongdae, believe me. You should not have been treated like this. It's normal to feel like shit in a situation like this. You have every right to expect more. This is not about romance, it's about basic human decency."

Jongdae didn't know what to say to that. He was a bit stunned, to be honest. He hadn't thought of it like that.

"God, I'm so mad right now," Luhan kept rambling, and Jongdae started a pitiful attempt at soothing the situation.

"I'm not mad at Sehun, it's alright-"

"Well, I am. And you should be, too. But I can't tell you what to do."

Luhan made another noise of frustration, before he noticeably, _audibly_ got a grip on his temper.

"Okay, look. It's good that you're not mad. If you don't feel like kicking his ass, then don't. But don't let him treat you like this again, okay?"

"Definitely not," Jongdae hummed numbly. He'd have to actually think this through a bit more, but he was definitely feeling a little less hopeless now. Before he could come up with a reply, someone suddenly slipped into the bench next to him, scaring the living daylights out of him. It was Minseok, looking a bit tired, but otherwise as composed as ever.

"Well, I gotta hang up," he quickly said, under Minseok's questioning gaze. "Thanks a lot for listening to me and, you know. Not telling me I'm an idiot. I appreciate that!"

"Anytime. Hit me up if you want this boy's ass kicked."

"I'm capable of that myself, but thank you. Talk to you later," Jongdae replied with a smile, ending the call soon after. With the tiniest sigh, he just sat there, and Minseok waited until it became obvious that Jongdae wasn't going to speak up.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Luhan," Jongdae hummed simply. Minseok made a soft 'ah', and Jongdae got a bit lost in his thoughts, unaware of how many seconds passed until Minseok asked the next question.

"You alright?"

With a mix between a hum and a sigh, Jongdae nestled his head on Minseok's shoulder.

"I will be. Just need some time."

For a while, Jongdae looked at the people walking by in the distance. His vision was a bit tilted, but he wasn't really looking at anything in particular, anyway.

 

"How are things going with Kyungsoo?"

"Good," Minseok said.

Silence.

"Don't you need to get to work or something?" Jongdae asked.

"Soon," Minseok said. "I got _some time_."

Jongdae chuckled, and then his breathing evened out as he closed his eyes, enjoying the calmness and security Minseok offered so naturally.

  


* * *

  


It was nine in the evening on a Thursday when Baekhyun was fumbling with Jongin's dress shirt buttons. They were tiny, but quite stubborn. So was Baekhyun though - if it was for the sake of getting naked, he could show amazing endurance and patience.

Right now, though, Jongin reached in between them, tugging Baekhyun's fingers off and scooting away the few inches he was allowed to.

"Baek, let's not-" he began, but Baekhyun cut him off with a harsh kiss, all but throwing his weight against him and pressing him into the couch. Jongin made a muffled sound of protest and pushed Baekhyun hard enough to shove him off the couch.

"Oh god, sorry-"

"Really now?" Baekhyun whined, rubbing his back. Jongin sat up and absently straightened his shirt.

"I said no but you didn't listen," he pointed out defensively, and Baekhyun sighed.

"You sure I can't convince you otherwise?" he tried halfheartedly, but Jongin shook his head.

"I don't want to."

With a roll of his eyes, Baekhyun relented, crossing his arms and stretching his neck.

" _Fine_. Everyone has a bad day and stuff."

"You're a bit of a dick, you know that?" Jongin said, clearly unimpressed by the reaction.

"What, now you wanna talk about my dick?" Baekhyun asked with a raised brow before sighing and pinching his forehead. "I'm sorry. I see how you'd think that. I get it. I'm... just a little stressed."

"Because of Yixing?"

Baekhyun's response was a shrug and a grimace.

"Look. Maybe you should talk to him,” Jongin suggested. “Fucking me won't do anything for your relationship."

"He approved of all this! He didn't mind, how often am I gonna get a chance to repeat this-"

"I didn't even imply that," Jongin argued. "Yet you came to this conclusion awfully quickly. Besides, you said he _didn't_ mind, but what if he minds now?"

"I don't see how my relationship with Yixing is any of your business - what do you even want from me?"

"Nothing!" Jongin snapped. Then, calmer, "I want nothing. I wanna stop fucking around like this. I can't do this anymore."

"Too many feelings?" Baekhyun asked, and it sounded hurtful, but Jongin wasn't fazed because clearly, no outsider could hurt him with something this personal. That was an ability possessed by only yourself and maybe those really close to you.

"No. I'm just tired of living like this. Maybe it's alright for you to sleep around, but it doesn't work for me, never _really_ has. I wanna become better than this."

"You could have said so from the beginning," Baekhyun argued, and it was clearly just for the sake of arguing.

"If it was that easy, I would have done so. This is a big deal for me, okay?"

Baekhyun got to his feet to angrily stare him down.

"Well, I'm not like you, consider that. Fucking people means nothing to me but some fun. If you can't handle it, don't do it-"

" _You literally know nothing about me but what my ass looks like_!" Jongin snapped back, because there was only so much he could take. "You even have someone who fucking loves you and yet that's not enough for you? I wish I had that, man, but instead I'm seeking some comfort by letting people screw me on my living room floor just for the hope that maybe they'll stay the night! I can handle sex, but I can't handle _myself_ anymore!"

"That's not my fault now, is it?"

"It's not. But that doesn't give you the right to project your own stress and insecurities on me and make me feel like shit for denying you sex!"

"I am not fucking insecure! Aside from the way my dick looks, you know nothing about me either!"

"That's not my fault, now is it?" Jongin argued sharply, fingers clenched into the cushions to channel his anger.

Baekhyun gave him a scalding glare before he whirled around to leave his apartment.

For the first time in forever, Jongin didn't feel a tinge of remorse when he heard his door being closed.

 

He didn't see it though, how Baekhyun immediately flipped out his phone and asked Yixing whether he was free. The reply came promptly, in the form of a picture. It showed mostly legs, people being entangled on a couch. Yixing's familiar, muscular legs and a pair of longer, scrawny ones. They wore socks, but the legs were bare and there was an unfamiliar shirt lying in the corner of the picture.

 

_\- I'm busy. -_

 

Baekhyun made a suppressed, frustrated sound and tried to resist the temptation of smashing his phone into the wall.  


 

* * *

  


"We bought couple shirts, too!"

"Oh god, are you serious?" Kyungsoo groaned, complete with an eyeroll. Kyungsoo had wide eyes, so his eyerolls were especially impressive. Jongdae just laughed and readjusted his position on the cushion. Couple shirts were kinda embarrassing, but it wasn’t surprising that Chanyeol loved them.

"Yeah and look - it's really cool, not cheesy at all," Chanyeol defended himself, presenting his shirt. It was black, with a few white dots and an illustration-like print in a historical style, including motifs of wooden constellations and roses. Rather high fashion and a complete change from Chanyeol's usual tracksuit or cheap hip hop style (Jongdae couldn't _not_ analyze it so closely). It definitely wasn't embarrassing, no.

"The fact that it is a couple shirt makes it embarrassing enough already," Kyungsoo said bluntly, and Chanyeol pouted.

"You have no sense of romance, how do you even date? Minseok is way too sweet for you," he accused halfheartedly, but Kyungsoo only shrugged.

"He hasn't complained so far. Not that I see him a lot," he added as an afterthought.

Jongdae hummed. He could imagine Kyungsoo and Minseok getting along well, though not in a romantic sense. Then again, Minseok was a bit of an enigma to him still.

"So it's going good?" he asked, and Kyungsoo shrugged.

"I guess so..."

"This is the best round so far, isn't it?" Chanyeol asked, full of excitement. "It's a pity it's already Thursday."

"Just because you like this round most, doesn't mean everyone else does," Kyungsoo argued, sipping on his orange juice. It was good to see that he was capable of drinking non-alcoholic drinks.

"But you and Minseok are going well... me and Yixing, too... I bet Jongin and Baekhyun are having a field day, everyday," Chanyeol listed, and Jongdae watched him closely, but couldn't find any evidence of hurt when he talked about Jongin.

"...and you and Sehun must be getting along great, too, right?"

Somehow, despite watching him closely, Jongdae was still caught off guard when Chanyeol looked back.

"What?" he asked dumbly.

"You and Sehun. I bet you're doing great - he's my best friend for a reason," Chanyeol said proudly. Jongdae... _smiled_ , and felt that it wasn't executed well the moment he did it.

"It's all good," he said, reaching for his own glass to distract from his expression.

"Yeah? Thought so. Sehunnie is a lot of fun. But _Yixing_ -"

Chanyeol went into a full blown speech on how great of a boyfriend Yixing was, while Jongdae avoided Kyungsoo's questioning look.

He was feeling better after his chat with Luhan earlier, but he couldn't deny the idea of meeting Sehun made him a bit wary - not to mention the memory of him sucking at his dick like a sex kitten was enough to make him whine to himself in embarrassment. What had he been thinking? He should probably talk to Sehun about this and soon, too, so it wouldn't eat away at him anymore.

"And he's an amazing kisser like you wouldn't even know. He sometimes texts me and asks me how I'm doing throughout the day? But not in a stalker-ish way, just checking up on me like he genuinely cares, and listens to snippets of my songs - did you know he played the guitar? I really wanna make a song with him, we'll get to that tomorrow-"

The elevator door opened with a clank, and Baekhyun stepped out, looking moody and ruffled. Chanyeol immediately stopped mid-sentence, looking like a dog caught chewing on food that was definitely not meant for him. When Baekhyun saw him, he paused in front of the table.

"You're here," he said simply, and there was an air of accusation in his voice. Chanyeol blinked.

"Yeah?"

"Huh."

Baekhyun eyed his shirt, looking almost cold - an unusual look on him.

"Yeah, has been here all night and fawning over your oh-so-amazing boyfriend," Kyungsoo said mindlessly, and Jongdae cringed at the change in atmosphere only he and Chanyeol noticed. "Didn't you always want to hear that? Now's your chance."

Baekhyun smiled, and it looked like a very instinctive reaction, but his eyes actually narrowed the slightest bit.

"Are you?"

Chanyeol bit his lip and evasively stared at the table. He looked like personified guilt.

"Maybe?"

Jongdae subtly touched Chanyeol's leg under the table, already worried the situation might escalate. But Baekhyun smiled a little wider, voice growing softer, but it was the type of softness you get when wrapping cotton around a knife.

"Don't get used to it, then."

With this, Baekhyun turned to enter his apartment. Chanyeol was still avoiding anyone's gaze and Kyungsoo was shooting questioning, confused glances at Jongdae that asked 'what's wrong with him?'. Now Jongdae didn't know for sure, but having dated Yixing for a week and hearing how he spoke about Baekhyun and gathering the impression he himself had of him... he had a pretty good idea. Not to mention how keen Yixing seemed to be on charming Chanyeol. An ugly situation that made Jongdae temporarily forget about his own, comparably small issue.

They were rather silent after that, with Chanyeol scrawling lyrics lifelessly and Kyungsoo shrugging the situation off and watching a movie with headphones on. Jongdae wanted to reach out, but didn't know how. Eventually, he braved it and placed his hand back on the other's leg, just like before. Chanyeol shot him a fleeting glance, but didn't stop him, and Jongdae continued to scroll down runway compilations.

  


* * *

 

 

It was Friday night and Sehun was subtly sneaking his fingers below Jongdae's shirt as they watched a movie. Jongdae was going to bring it up, he really meant to. It was just... such an awkward thing to mention, out of the blue. To be perfectly honest, he wasn't even all that uncomfortable being so close to Sehun, being in his apartment, but doing anything beyond that? There was no way he could. Jongdae gently, but firmly pushed the hand away and straightened his shirt. Sehun reacted with a pout that bled into his voice.

"Oh come on, you think the movie is that exciting?"

It really wasn't, but Jongdae just shrugged, feeling a little helpless.

"I'm just not in the mood," he said, and he could bring it up now, but he could also not make a big fuss and keep it platonic until this week was over-

"You've been strange since yesterday," Sehun complained, and Jongdae couldn't deny the tension he felt in his shoulders when Sehun placed an arm around them. "Was the sex that awful?"

He might be joking, but this hit a bit too close to home.

"What if it was?" Jongdae asked, before he could help it. Sehun fully turned his head to look at him now.

"Excuse me?"

Jongdae didn't know quite what to say, but Sehun didn't wait too long, anyway.

"You seemed to enjoy yourself quite a lot from what I saw yesterday," he said with a raised brow. Now Jongdae was not one to take pity on male egos - neither did he like being talked down to in any way, so he reacted with an unimpressed tone.

"You sure you're not talking about yourself? I mean it was alright," he added, because he wasn't angry enough to be unreasonable, "until you fell asleep on me in under ten seconds."

Sehun actually gasped and gave him an openly offended look.

"That's it? What, you wanted some cuddles and pillow talk?"

"No, but-"

"You should have gotten the memo by now - I’m not gonna offer any of that," Sehun snapped, and alright, Jongdae could only take so much.

"Can you not let out your insecurities on me? There's no need to get defensive; I did not ask for a candle light dinner and whispered love confessions!"

"Then what are you asking for, huh?" Sehun asked, and Jongdae threw up his hands.

"I don't know, _something_? Anything? Look, this is the first time I did something even remotely close to this, but I kinda feel like shit now."

"Well, if the sex was good and you didn't expect post-sex cuddles, then maybe that's not on me? Ever considered that?" Sehun asked, and alright, Jongdae was tempted to yell but he wouldn't. He really wouldn't.

"Surprisingly, I did. But even if you're not right, you're not helping right now," he said through gritted teeth. Sehun just crossed his arms.

"You knew what you were getting into," he provided with a shrug.

"An ass?" Jongdae asked, "Oh wait, that didn't happen and you probably want it the other way around-"

"As if you wouldn't like that, too-"

"That's not what this is about!" Jongdae argued, and Sehun snapped right back.

"Then what IS it about?"

Jongdae hesitated, just for a second, before trying to catch himself again.

"For you to not treat me like your bitch."

"But like your lover, huh?"

"Goddammit, Sehun, not everything revolves around your sexuality!" Jongdae yelled, and Sehun snapped for good.

"Fuck you. Seriously, _fuck you_ ," he hissed, but Jongdae was way too angry to be intimidated and just got to his feet.

"You know what? I might. And I'll probably have a better time than I did with you."

With these words, Jongdae left, shakily grabbing his phone and slipping into his shoes.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Chanyeol was shaking, almost quivering. It was a habit of his, a sign of extreme emotions his body was not yet too sure on how to express.

Currently, he was excited. Impatient. Eager.

Currently, Yixing was kissing him. One moment they had tried to compose a song, the next Yixing had placed the guitar aside to crowd Chanyeol against the wall, chairs creaking in protest. The angle was odd and uncomfortable, and surely, he would break the kiss and continue strumming his guitar any second now. Because Yixing was still Baekhyun's boyfriend, games or not. But the way he kissed him didn't do a good job of reminding him. The hand on his cheek, his hot tongue, the slow and deep and firm kisses - they all made Chanyeol's head spin and the background blur. He was aware that this was bad. _It's just a game_ , he whispered, a voice hiding away behind the veil of excitement and lust. _A distraction. Yixing is a distraction and he'll be gone soon. Yixing doesn't really want me._

The hand wandered from his cheek to slide down his sides, wedge itself in between the chair and Chanyeol's backside, until he could grope his butt. Chanyeol jerked towards him with a small groan, and everything was so cramped, and Yixing was so close and everything felt really, really good.

"How do you like it, love?" Yixing whispered against his wet lips, his other hand dancing around his hips, quickly slipping in between his legs.

Chanyeol groaned again, struggling to hold himself back. He wanted, but he shouldn't. Wasn't allowed to. Then again, everyone was sleeping around, right? If it was alright for Yixing...

 _Don't_ , the small voice said. _Don't_.

But then Yixing squeezed him so well, and looked at him with this dark eyes and tilted head, waiting for him to _just give in_.

"Don't be shy, tell me," Yixing breathed out, slowly forcing his fingers down the back of Chanyeol's jeans without breaking eye contact. "We can take this however you want, it's all up to you, love."

_Love._

Chanyeol's thoughts crumbled, just caved under Yixing's sinful fingers. He felt hot, light, unstable, burning up and burning down.

"Bed," he whispered, asked, and Yixing's eyes twinkled mischievously as he pressed even closer.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So I seriously don't get what his deal is!"

Kyungsoo scrunched his brows together as he stared at the TV that was simply showing a music player. Sehun was sprawled over the couch, head in Kyungsoo's lap, like he'd become so accustomed to.

"Did you treat him _like a bitch_?" Kyungsoo asked, calm and smooth, and strangely void of emotions, even for him. Sehun rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. He's overreacting. We fucked around a bit, not even with penetration or anything, and he got hurt that I wouldn't cuddle him afterwards."

Kyungsoo hummed, and Sehun went on with his rant.

"Said it was his first time doing something like that. Well, if you wanna save it for a special someone, you might not wanna come to me-"

"Something like what?"

Sehun stumbled over his own words.

"Huh? I don't know. Sex?"

"He's not a virgin, Sehun," Kyungsoo corrected, and Sehun raised a brow at him.

"And how do you know that?"

"It was mentioned off-handedly at some point, who cares. What exactly did you _do_?"

Sehun sighed in annoyance.

"What, you want explicit details?"

Kyungsoo only glimpsed at him and then back at the TV. Sehun felt unfairly accused and therefore started talking.

"He was just giving me a handjob. Used his tongue a bit, too. Was super into being called a kitty, but I kinda thought he'd be, so no surprise there."

Kyungsoo hummed again, fingers absently carding through Sehun's hair.

"And then you fell asleep on him afterwards," he stated.

"Well, yeah, it was pretty late and we came from the karaoke session," Sehun explained. Without warning, the fingers in his hair tightened, painfully tugging at the strands and Sehun winced, instinctively reaching up to stop him.

"Ouch, what's-"

"Did you do it like this?" Kyungsoo asked, deceivingly calm as he looked down at him. With his free hand, he grabbed Sehun's wrists. He didn't reach all the way around, but his grip was firm.

"Did you?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you-" Sehun began, attempting to sit up, only to have Kyungsoo sharply glare at him.

" _Stay_ ," he said, a shocking amount of authority sending a spark of confused arousal down Sehun's lower regions.

"And answer my question," he repeated, tugging just enough for it to hurt, and Sehun stared at him defiantly.

"I don't know, maybe I tugged his hair? What do you want from me-"

The question ended in a small, pained yelp when Kyungsoo tugged again, unhappy with the attitude. Sehun had never seen Kyungsoo act like this around him. It was confusing, kind of a big turn on, but also a bit concerning.

"The truth," Kyungsoo said calmly, pushing Sehun's wrists away from him and against the armrest, leaving the other sprawled out on the couch, with a hand still twisted in his hair. Kyungsoo leaned down and stopped just an inch shy of Sehun, making him go cross-eyed to return his gaze.

"You called him a kitty? Tugged at his hair, came right on his face?" he asked, voice vibrating with a subtle challenge, accusation and question all blended together. "Got your cum on his skin, spread it out nicely while you told him what a pretty kitty he was? How _good_ he was for you, how he should lick up every drop he could get? Did you feed it to him?"

"I didn't-" Sehun said, voice whispery and harbouring a stutter he would hate to acknowledge. Kyungsoo's eyes were so dark, so mesmerizing, and then his vision blurred when the fingers in his hair tugged again.

"Then what _did_ you do, Sehun?"

"I-" he began, squirming in his hold without really wanting to escape. He was still terribly turned on and concerned at the same time - whenever he started to relax, Kyungsoo would tug at his hair, press his wrists together or just stare at him in this strict, cold way. Reminding him of his _place_.

"You?" Kyungsoo asked, perfectly unfazed.

Sehun felt like he was playing with fire - or maybe fire was playing with him.

"I wanted to see his hands on my dick," he breathed out. " They're so tiny, he had to use both to reach all the way around. I touched the back of his neck, like a cat, and made him go down on me. Not a lot, because he's just a kitten. Just enough to lick and suck a mouthful. And he was so eager for it; he _loved_ it. Like a kitten, eager for milk, arching into my touch, asking for more. He came as soon as I touched him," Sehun rasped out, clearly pleased with himself. Kyungsoo hummed, not breaking eye contact.

"And then I went to sleep, because it was nothing but sex. Nice sex, but nothing more."

"No cleaning up? No talking, no hug?" Kyungsoo asked, clearly unimpressed. Sehun frowned.

"He's a big boy. If he needs a hug after sex, he shouldn't do-"

This time he yelped, because Kyungsoo dug his nails into his wrist so hard that Sehun felt like he might be bleeding.

"Do you know Jongdae?" Kyungsoo asked dangerously low, and Sehun was getting actually uncomfortable now. "Do you know whether he needs a hug-"

He twisted Sehun in his hold until he was lying on his side, nose pressed against the rough fabric of Kyungsoo's jeans.

"-or whether he likes to nuzzle your dick like it's a fucking treasure?"

Sehun closed his eyes. There was a very faint, musky scent reaching him through the fabric.

"Whether he likes to sleep, covered in cum? Maybe you should try that, too, see whether you like it? You like to be so dominant in bed, it must be hard for you to imagine being on the receiving end. I'd love to show you, actually," Kyungsoo said, pushing and rubbing Sehun into his own crotch, "but sadly, I'm still fucking soft. Not even turned on a little."

Sehun felt his own cheeks heat up in shame. Shame because he himself was kinda turned on, even though his wrists started to hurt. Shame because he hadn't gotten to his feet to leave, because he was still taking this. Shame because Kyungsoo really was soft.

He was quite literally ripped out of that thought when Kyungsoo suddenly let go of his hands, tugged his head away until he could push Sehun. He almost tumbled off the couch, but caught himself last second.

"Out," Kyungsoo said coldly. Sehun blinked at him, disoriented. Hurt.

"What?"

"Out. What if I kicked you out now?" Kyungsoo repeated, crossing his arms. "Would you be as eager about crawling into my lap tomorrow again?"

Sehun's lips were trembling a bit, and anger slowly returned to his eyes and voice.

"That's not the same, none of this is-"

"It is exactly the same," Kyungsoo argued fiercely, temporarily shutting Sehun up. "You are so arrogant you assume people who are submissive enjoy being treated like shit. You think they're somewhat into that, you assume that every form of affection is reserved for romance and you're therefore not obligated to give any. But you don't feel very good right now, do you? What would make you feel better? Is it _love_?"

"I praised him-"

"Oh god, shut up," Kyungsoo barked, clearly losing patience now, "You think it would make a difference? If I had praised you instead, telling you how pretty of a little whore you are, maybe while I force you to eat your own cum before kicking you out? Would you still feel like shit or not?"

Sehun glared at him in petulant silence.

"Sehun, listen," Kyungsoo began, voice back to a normal volume, but still strict to the core. "Some people don't mind being treated like this. Some people do. Did you really think Jongdae would be this easy? Did you know that he didn't even let Jongin touch him in that way?"

Sehun didn't reply, but the unsure twitch of his brows said it all.

"He let you touch him because he trusted you, for whatever reason. And you did not live up to his expectations."

"But... what am I supposed to do?" Sehun asked, and now there was a drop of helplessness to his voice, a tiny, open window in the barricade of anger, frustration and pride.

With tightly pressed lips, Kyungsoo sighed. The look in his eyes softened, and he reached out for Sehun with both hands, touching his upper arms. Sehun flinched at the touch, and a strange realization hit him. There was no time to process it, because Kyungsoo was already softly pulling him into an embrace, and then there was warmth enveloping him. Sehun felt the warmth of Kyungsoo's skin from where his nose and cheek were nestled into the crook of his neck.

"You have to patch up the wounds you left behind," he heard Kyungsoo say, soft as the palms resting on Sehun's back. "Everything leaves behind a wound. Maybe it's just a scratch, maybe it runs deep. Some people allow you to make them, but they rely on you patching them up afterwards. If you don't, they might not heal nicely and you could even leave a scar."

One of his hands wandered up to cup Sehun's head, right over his burning scalp, where Kyungsoo had tugged almost violently before. It hurt a bit, and Sehun felt himself tense up more involuntarily than anything. But Kyungsoo only petted his hair, slow and predictable motions, careful not to scratch or upset the skin. Sehun felt his breathing even out again.

"Some people might not need any of this, but they're rare. Be mindful, Sehun, of what you do with the trust people give you."

Kyungsoo drew away so he could meet his eyes, cupping his cheek with one hand.

"I want you to know that the way I acted just now has nothing to do with how I feel about you. It was an act, spurred on by anger, admittedly, to try and put you in someone else's shoes."

An act. He understood, was beginning to understand the message Kyungsoo had meant to convey just now. He began to understand because even though he believed Kyungsoo, his touch was prickling a bit right now, was making him uncomfortable, if only a tiny bit. It got better with every passing second and every soft word leaving his lips.

"I do not think less of you because you like to be dominant. And the fact that I wasn't turned on has nothing to do with you not being attractive. I was simply not open to it."

Sehun exhaled a shuddery breath, closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Kyungsoo's shoulder.

"Do you believe me?" he heard Kyungsoo ask. Wordlessly, he nodded.

"Good. I would also love for you to stop by and rest on my lap again."

Sehun refused to give in to the burning sensation behind his eyelids. Wordlessly, he nodded again, hands coming up to finally reciprocate the hug. Kyungsoo welcomed him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was a late Saturday morning, possibly closer to noon than morning, when Jongin woke up. A few insistent sunrays sneaked in beneath the curtains, so the room wasn't dark. The blanket wasn't cold. But the mattress next to him was. Jongin turned to his side, cheek pressed into the cool mattress. He stared ahead, eyes slightly glazed over. He listened to his own steady breathing, mentally going over the list of what he had to do today, but the distraction couldn't drown out this big, heavy feeling collecting in the pit of his stomach. He was alone.

 

He'll be alone for the rest of the day, too. It was Saturday, and everyone was busy on a date with their current partner. He'll go about his day and then it will turn dark, and Jongin will crawl under the covers all alone, and he'll wake up and feel like he was feeling now. Rinse and repeat, they say, but this ugly, oily film of insecurity couldn't be rinsed off entirely. It accompanied him always, reminding him that at the end of the day, he'll be alone. He could call Luhan, or maybe try and reach out to another one of the countless contacts in his phone. But if he did that, then he'd be setting fire to this oily film and would be greeted by the urge to scratch off the invisible itch, to scratch himself out of his own skin. It hadn't been like this before. Not this bad at least. But Jongin felt different from how he did before the start of this game.

Was all of this Jongdae's fault? Yes. But Jongin wasn't mad at Jongdae, and would not exchange the short time they'd spent together for anything. Deep down, he'd always known that what he was doing was a short-term solution. A bandaid put over an internal wound, nothing but placebo, self-deception. Now he'd been with Chanyeol, and with Baekhyun, too. And Jongin was glad that he felt like shit, in a strange way. He was glad that this didn't make him happy anymore, despite it also hurting like hell right now.

With a sigh, he turned to his back, staring at the ceiling.

"What now?" he whispered, to no one in particular.

A heavy feeling pressed on his lungs, like a mass of all his ugly feelings sitting thick and heavy over his chest. Jongin wanted change, but wasn't sure what exactly he wanted or what he had to do to feel better. He felt... stuck.

 

"What now...?" he asked, and his vision turned blurry.

  


* * *

  


Jongdae wasn't all that happy or comfortable when he brought two glasses of water to the living room, where Sehun sat on his couch. He would have preferred a more neutral meeting place, to be perfectly honest. They did separate after a fight, and while Jongdae felt embarrassed for making a big deal out of this, he wasn't ready to take it all back. But Sehun had asked to meet up and talk, had even added a very unusual 'please', and Jongdae felt obligated to give him a chance to explain. If this was going to end up in a fight again, at least he could tell himself he'd tried.

Sehun was sitting in a rather proper way, no lazy cat stretched along the couch, but a serious young man, forearms resting on his thighs as he waited for Jongdae to return.

"Thanks," he said quietly when Jongdae placed down the glass, holding his own to have something to occupy himself with. He looked at Sehun, feeling slightly defiant. He was a peacemaker by nature, but this time he didn't feel like it was his turn to make a move. He already let Sehun in and was willing to talk. It was his turn now. Sehun seemed to begrudgingly agree to that, and rubbed the side of his neck with a suppressed sigh.

"I wanted to talk," he began slowly, eyes flitting between Jongdae's and the carpet. Jongdae nodded, wary, but expectant. Sehun took a deep breath.

"I want to apologize. For that thing on Wednesday, but also for the way I talked to you yesterday."

Jongdae intently stared at him, before he caved.

"Okay. I'm sorry, too, for blowing up like this. I didn't know how to handle this situation," he admitted. Sehun huffed.

"I should be the one saying that. I didn't know a whole lot about you and didn't make an effort to find out. I was..." he hesitated, licked his lips, and then it all but tumbled out. "I was being a dick. I understand your point of view now. I didn't think properly."

Jongdae was surprised by the sudden change in attitude, and almost felt bad for ever bothering Sehun in the first place. It was an instinct though, and he remembered Luhan's words. How he had every right to be mad. He shouldn't apologize further and just accept Sehun's sincerity. The other seemed to find it difficult to stop or know when to stop, as he kept talking, eyes still mostly trained on the carpet.

"I'm not usually with people like you, but that's not a valid excuse. I understand if you're kinda disgusted by me or don't wanna do anything anymore. I'm not going to bug you about that again. I actually don't know what I could do to make you feel better, but it'll all be over tomorrow, anyway. So you're probably glad to be rid of me and move on. Still."

Sehun ended there, lips opening and closing as if he didn't know quite what to say anymore.

"Still," he repeated. He inhaled deeply and looked up at Jongdae, trying hard to hold the gaze.

"I made this a thing about my sexuality when it was just... ignorance. I'm sorry."

 

Jongdae looked at him and reflected internally for a second. Was he still angry? No. Would he want to do anything sexual with Sehun again? Also no. But Sehun was trying to make this better; he just didn't know how. Maybe Jongdae could meet him halfway. He had a bit of an idea as to what he needed.

So he slowly, hesitantly opened his arms. Sehun, too, hesitated, but Jongdae shrugged lightly and shot him an encouraging look. Sehun slipped into the offered embrace, and when Jongdae felt himself tense up just a little, the arms around him instantly loosened. Jongdae knew that he had spiraled himself into something that was mostly going on inside his head. And he felt the silly little reminders when Sehun tugged him to lie down on the couch, despite him being almost ridiculously careful. But he also felt the tension dissipating, bit by bit, with every second he spent close to Sehun without any consequences. Sehun didn't laugh at the whole situation, didn't make him feel silly for asking for a hug. He just held him, breathing evenly.

After what felt like forever, a random thought popped up for Jongdae.

"I lied," he said against Sehun's collarbones. "The sex wasn't just alright, it was really good."

He felt the other chuckle more than he heard it.

"I know," he said, and Jongdae would have pinched him for the sass, but his next words stopped him from doing so. "No sex today though."

Jongdae hummed and tugged Sehun's bony frame a bit closer, getting used to his scent and the feel of him.

"Yeah," he murmured, eyelids already turning heavy. "No sex."

 

They spent the day watching movies, talking and eating fast food. When Jongdae kissed him goodbye that evening, he felt pretty good, actually. Sehun was smiling, too, and Jongdae took care of the awkward little shadow by kissing it away.

 

This week had been turbulent, but he had learnt a lesson this round, and so had Sehun. He would probably not get too involved with him again simply because their interests didn't match up all that well. _It's kinda befitting_ , Jongdae thought as he fell on his bed, back first, taking in the silence and reminiscing. Throughout the last three weeks, he had dated Jongin, with whom he'd had a wonky start but ultimately a good time. They had clicked well enough, but Jongin appeared to have quite a few issues. Jongdae didn't mind supporting people, but this was something Jongin had to come to terms with on his own.

Dating Yixing had been entirely different - though that, too, had a bit of an awkward start. Just thinking of their first kiss made him want to wince. Still, Yixing was a mature and interesting person, and made for an amazing friend. Jongdae would actually love to befriend him closer, if the opportunity ever presented itself.

And now, he'd just bid farewell to Sehun. This had been by far the most intense week, if only because Jongdae had never experienced a conflict like this and took it more personally than he probably should have. Still, he'd learned something from their relationship, and the biggest lessons always came last, right?

Now, it was all coming to an end. Jongdae stared at the ceiling and thought of Jongin. Jongin, who was terrified of being alone. Jongdae had never ever considered himself afraid of being alone. He'd always been single, there was nothing wrong with that. But now that he'd gotten so many tastes of what it could be like to be very close to someone, to spend your days with the added purpose of sharing your life with someone, if just for a week...

For the first time, Jongdae felt... lonely. Sure, Sehun had just left, but he'd left with the intent of not coming back. All that dating was interesting, but now it was over, and for the first time ever, Jongdae regretted being single enough to feel actually sad about it. Sad enough to think about looking for a partner a bit more actively. Or at least taking the first step the next time he was interested in someone. But the whole love shuffle game also raised one big question for him - what did he want in a relationship?

He'd felt comfortable with and protective of Jongin. With Yixing, he had felt respected and appreciated. With Sehun, he'd felt daring and ambitious enough to push at his own limits.

All of this was nice, but all of it probably wasn't an option. What was the most important thing to Jongdae?

What color of love was the one he treasured the most?

He didn't know.

Jongdae flopped to his side and looked out of the window and into the dark sky.

At least now he knew the color of loneliness.

 

He was about to doze off - no alarm needed for sundays - when he heard a rapping sound. Had someone knocked at his door?

Jongdae waited a few seconds before sitting up with ruffled hair. Who would come visit him this late on Saturday evening, the last day with their shuffle partners?

Slowly, he went to the door, half-convinced that whoever it was had left by now. Turns out he was wrong about that, and when he opened the door, Chanyeol was still very much there. With fresh tear streaks on his red cheeks, gaze lowered and sniffling.

 

 

* * *

  
  


Baekhyun swallowed dryly, absently patted his hair down and tugged the stubborn collar of his leather jacket into place. He stopped in front of Yixing's door, listening for a sound. There was none. No talking, definitely no moans- Baekhyun shook his head. This was ridiculous. He licked his lips and rang the doorbell.

It didn't take long for Yixing to open the door. He looked like he always did. A fluffy sweater in warm colors, mismatched socks peeking out of jean-clad legs, slightly messy hair. What was entirely different, though, was his expression. There was no spark of warmth or fondness. He looked exactly like he'd used to, back when Baekhyun met him in a sleazy bar for the first time, trying to hook up with him.

He looked at him like they were strangers.

"Hey," Baekhyun began, suddenly even more unsure of what he was about to do.

"Hey," Yixing replied. Baekhyun's eyes kept darting around to land back on Yixing.

"Can I come in?"

"Why should you?" Yixing asked back, all smooth and unfazed.

"I wanna talk."

"Well, you might want to come back at a more reasonable time, then," Yixing simply said, already drawing back to close the door. Baekhyun took a step forwards.

"Why, are you with Chanyeol?"

Yixing stopped at this, shooting him a very unimpressed look.

"I'm not, and I don't see how this concerns you."

"Yixing, come on! The stupid game is over, and clearly, we should talk!"

"You always wanna talk when it's way too late, don't you?" Yixing said, and clearly, this wasn't about the late hour. Baekhyun clenched his jaw.

"Now what is that supposed to mean?"

When only got him a pointed look, Baekhyun inhaled, forcing himself to stay calm and reasonable.

"Yixing, please. Let me in and talk to me. The game is over now-"

"It will be over tomorrow, around noon, right? Isn't that what you said when Minseok teased you, about a week ago?"

When Baekhyun had been begging to be allowed to fuck him.

' _Ah, but we're not even together anymore, right?'_ Minseok had hummed, and drunk-on-need Baekhyun had replied that _they'd be together until the re-draw on Sunday_.

"Seriously? Chanyeol isn't even here and won't be back-"

"That does not make _you_ my boyfriend right now," Yixing sharply interrupted. Baekhyun couldn't help the frustrated groan slipping out.

"You're mad at me, I get it. That's why we should talk about this-"

"I do not want to talk to you, Baekhyun. End of story," Yixing said firmly, closing his door. Baekhyun slammed his palm against it just in time.

"Why didn't you tell me right from the beginning then, huh?!" he yelled, completely disregarding the fact that he was being dramatic in a public hallway. "If you hated this all so much, then why didn't you just say so?!"

"Why did you even bring it up in the first place?" Yixing asked, voice quiet, but clearly furious. He'd never been outright angry like this. Annoyed, yes, but not to the point where he was seriously rejecting Baekhyun.

"If you missed fucking around so badly, why didn't _you_ just say so?"

Baekhyun was at a loss for words, just for a second, and Yixing didn’t wait for him this time.

"Just go and do just that to your heart's desire. I don't care."

 

With that, the door was slammed into Baekhyun's face.

Angrily, he mashed the doorbell and knocked a few times, but it was driven by frustration rather than hope.

So what was he supposed to do now?

Baekhyun's head was full of loud, angry thoughts, but also desperate ones.

If he fucked up - and seriously, if Yixing had simply shot him down right from the start, none of this would have happened in the first place, so Baekhyun failed to see how it was his fault - and Yixing wasn't even going to talk to him... then what?

What was he supposed to do?

What were they now?

Would he go back to being his boyfriend on Sunday, around noon? And would things just go back to normal then? Hardly.

So what now?

  
  


* * *

  
  


"What happened?" Jongdae asked immediately as he ushered the crying mess inside.

Chanyeol just stood there like a lost child in the rain, looking at Jongdae with red eyes.

"I'm such an idiot, Jongdae," he pressed out with an unnaturally high voice, and somehow, it prompted even more tears. Jongdae swallowed, trying not to get too affected and doing something silly like start tearing up, too.

"Okay, okay, get out of your shoes first, yeah?" he mumbled gently, tugging his jacket off to hang it up. Chanyeol complied without a hitch, padding after Jongdae over the plush carpet and into the living room, babbling about how stupid he was in multiple variations. Jongdae led him to the couch with a hand on his arm, and Chanyeol slumped down, openly sniffling and rubbing tears off his face. Jongdae could see Chanyeol blink even in the dim, yellowish light that he loved so much. Without a word, he went to the desk squished into another corner of the room to hand Chanyeol a pack of tissues.

"Alright," he then said, placing a palm on Chanyeol's bony knee. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" Chanyeol sobbed, holding onto the tissues like a lifeline. "Nothing happened, I'm just incredibly stupid. Jongdae. I-"

He cut himself off. Jongdae waited.

"It's just a game, it's always been, but when Yixing told me that we're over, I just- I- I just started crying like an idiot and it won't stop-"

Jongdae's expression quickly morphed into one of sympathy. Of course, that's what happened. As if he could read his thoughts, Chanyeol added "And I _knew_ this was gonna happen! Everybody knew, every single person, and yet it happened, anyway, because I'm that stupid-"

"Chanyeol, look," Jongdae began, but Chanyeol placed a hand over his palm, wide, wet eyes searching for an answer Jongdae wasn't sure he had.

"But I can't stop asking myself whether Yixing knew it, too, you know?" he said, sounding as miserable as he looked, "do you think he knew? Do you think he did it on purpose?"

Jongdae opened his mouth... and closed it again. He wanted to vehemently say 'no' because he had confidence in the Yixing he'd met last week. But something about Yixing now, about the way he acted and talked and looked when he spoke about Baekhyun didn't sit right with him, and the words wouldn't come out.

"I don't know," he finally said, voice barely above a whisper. He felt like he'd just disappointed Chanyeol, judging by the sad look he got, and it hurt, but he genuinely couldn't answer this.

Chanyeol lowered his gaze, shoulders drawn up and tense as more sobs racked his body. Jongdae pulled up his legs so he could awkwardly crawl over to Chanyeol and pull him into a hug, pressing the other against his chest. The other's arms were immediately around him, pulling him as close as possible, and Chanyeol started wailing into the fabric of his shirt. It was unconstrained, raw and not very pretty. Jongdae cupped his head and absently carded his fingers through the dyed strands as he rubbed his back.

"I just fucking hate myself!" he said, and it sounded like he really meant it right now. "I keep getting attached and crushing on everyone who is even remotely nice to me! Anyone who has a passion, I'll just think they're cool and then- just- you could fucking collect stamps and I'd be all over you-"

He was rambling, and Jongdae just let him, trying not to feel as heartbroken as he did, listening.

"I just want this to _stop_ , Jongdae, I don't want this anymore! I wanna be like Kyungsoo, who doesn't give a shit, or like Sehun..."

Jongdae thought of the frustration Sehun had faced when it came to understanding him, and the way Kyungsoo had looked at the boy in his arms when he'd been gushing about Yixing. Sure, it had been superficial annoyance, but there was also a tiny spark of envy hidden in there.

"I think... you always want what you don't have," Jongdae said softly.

"I know," he mumbled, forehead pressed somewhere against his clavicle. "I'm just so tired. I even slept with him, Jongdae, and I knew it was a horrible idea, but he said- he just said such nice things, and of all the people in this game, it had to be the only taken guy - _why am I like this_?"

There was not a lot Jongdae could offer to comfort him, if he was being honest with himself. He was quite surprised Yixing had seduced Chanyeol into sleeping with him. Not that he wouldn't have deemed him capable of that, but Yixing seemed to be more interested in the mature, or at the very least adventurous type. Chanyeol was just too innocent and childlike to be playing such a game with (even though he probably got more action in a week than Jongdae got his entire life. Still). He had pegged Yixing as someone with more... insight and respect.

And now the harm had been done, and Chanyeol was crying. And Jongdae could do nothing but rub his back as they slouched into the cushions.

It may be a little odd, but Jongdae didn't like the idea of holding Chanyeol while lying down on his couch. It felt wrong to him after doing the exact same thing with Sehun earlier. There also was not enough room - or that's what he told Chanyeol, and maybe himself, too, as they laid down on his bed an hour later. They didn't even undress, though Jongdae did tug off his shirt, and Chanyeol wordlessly followed. With jean-clad legs entangled, Jongdae waited patiently until the last tears had dried up, and Chanyeol's breathing evened out.  
  


 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo switched the lights off. His eyes were itching, even though he had napped several times already. Still, being awake around half past five in the morning wasn't pleasant at all. Well, maybe it was to Minseok, but Kyungsoo wasn't used to this. He looked around the dark apartment. It wasn't even completely dark anymore. Dawn was just minutes away.

Well, there was no use in waiting any longer, Kyungsoo told himself. Who knew when Minseok would return. Maybe in five minutes, maybe in 10 hours. Either way, Sunday was dawning, which meant that they weren't dating anymore. Technically, Sunday had started over five hours ago, but Kyungsoo had been lenient.

Now he looked around the apartment, as if to try and save the memory. Then he zipped up his jacket and left, silently closing the door behind him.

 

On the kitchen table was a piece of paper, weighed down by a single key. There were plates of food all waiting in the fridge, but Kyungsoo hadn't felt the need to mention them. Surely, Minseok would see them all on his own. No, the note just read one word.

 

_Thanks._

  
  


* * *

  
  


Chanyeol was quieter and meeker the next morning. Jongdae pretended not to notice and offered to eat breakfast in the hallway, like most Sundays nowadays. Even if only Kyungsoo joined them, Jongdae figured that Chanyeol might not want to be alone with him right now, after bearing so much of himself the previous evening. Chanyeol was all small, shy smiles as he helped set the table, and only when they sat down on the comfy cushions did Jongdae ask something he'd had on his mind for awhile now. It was still way too early for Baekhyun or Kyungsoo to make an appearance, anyway.

"So... I'm surprised you came to me?"

He voiced it like a casual question as he busied himself pouring them orange juice. Chanyeol smiled, though it looked a bit bitter.

"Sehun would have called me stupid," he said, voice still a bit raspy. "Kyungsoo would have called me stupid and kicked me out."

"I never even said you're _not_ silly," Jongdae said, his tone lighthearted and teasing. Instead of being hurt or teasing back, Chanyeol just smiled, and it stretched his lips and made his eyes crinkle.

"No, because I am. But you also hugged me."

Jongdae blinked at him, remembered the orange juice, and then quickly lifted the bottle, spilling a bit on the table. Chanyeol snorted, and Jongdae started whining.

"Why are you so embarrassing?" he said accusingly and right over a smile, nudging his shoulder. "What am I supposed to reply to that, huh?"

"Nothing," Chanyeol said defensively, playfully, escaping Jongdae to reach out for the napkins at the end of the table when the elevator opened with a ping. To their surprise, both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo exited the elevator, looking equally tired and ruffled.

Jongdae hadn't seen Baekhyun in a while, to be honest, and he hadn't been joining them recently, so he almost expected him to go straight to his apartment. But he stopped in front of the table, looking at Chanyeol. Right, Jongdae thought, hoping Baekhyun wasn't going to do something stupid like punch Chanyeol. But as Jongdae looked at Chanyeol - who still looked pretty miserable - and Baekhyun, who looked like shit himself, neither seemed to have the energy to be aggressive. For quite a long time, they stood there, with Kyungsoo standing behind Baekhyun like a zombie, obviously just waiting for whatever was going on to pass.

Chanyeol swallowed and then spoke up with a coarse voice and an unsure smile.

"Long night?"

Baekhyun looked at him like he didn't know whether he wanted to argue, leave, or cry. Ultimately, he smiled back though. Equally small, equally cautious.

"Yeah."

Chanyeol scooted over a bit and Baekhyun walked over when the elevator door opened a second time. Now this was just confusing, seeing as no one else lived on this floor. Jongdae craned his neck to see Minseok stepping inside, and he recognized his work clothes immediately - and the face of a man who hadn't seen his bed in a while. But who was inexplicably awake nonetheless. Minseok waved a casual hello towards the table and without much preamble, pulled Kyungsoo into an evidently firm hug. Jongdae exchanged looks with the other two, both looking as clueless as he himself probably did.

"I'm sorry for not being around a whole lot. I wanted to properly tell you goodbye."

Jongdae didn't see Kyungsoo's expression, but he heard him speak up.

"We're not together anymore," he said, sounding perfectly blank and neutral. Jongdae wondered whether his expression went along with it. Minseok drew away.

"So what?" he said, playful and teasing as he usually was. And then playful and teasing Minseok kissed Kyungsoo, and Jongdae averted his gaze. He looked at the other two - Baekhyun was staring at them, but evidently lost in thought, while Chanyeol kept looking away, only to sneak glances at them, anyway. Judging by the amount of time passing it was not a little peck, either.

"Thanks, Soo," he heard Minseok say, and then the other was already in the elevator, waving goodbye like he had not just flustered everyone but Baekhyun. Even stoic Kyungsoo looked quite affected when he sank down next to Jongdae, eyes trained on the table. He looked like he had trouble comprehending what just happened, and Jongdae wouldn't hold it against him. Heck, even he was a bit overwhelmed, and he had gotten sleep last night.

For a long time, the all just sat there in silence. It wasn't awkward, but everyone was lost in their own thoughts. Jongdae looked around the table and felt a bit nostalgic. Only a few weeks had passed since they got stuck in an elevator and then spent an odd evening in the hallway, discussing a social experiment. There was still a lot to learn about each other, but the way they gathered together came so naturally, even though they were down on their luck - and Jongdae could only speak for himself, but both Chanyeol and Baekhyun were obviously unhappy, and Kyungsoo seemed even more distant than usual.

"So," Baekhyun finally broke the silence without warning, "it's over now?"

There was a question mark hanging in the air. Jongdae agreed with everything about this statement, from the tone to the question mark.

"It would be a bit sad to end it _now_ , wouldn't it?" he asked, and Kyungsoo hummed noncommittally.

"I don't... think I'm ready to stop now," Baekhyun said hesitantly, and for the first time since Jongdae had met him, it sounded like he was revealing a deeper, honest part of himself, the first time he trusted them as _friends_.

"Then don't."

They all looked at Kyungsoo, who seemed to finally realize just how miserable the other three looked.

"Don't stop, then," he repeated calmly.

"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asked, and Baekhyun rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, what do you mean?"

Kyungsoo explained it. Baekhyun was hesitantly hopeful, Chanyeol pessimistic, and Jongdae didn't see why not.

Either way, around noon they saw the results of a poll they had posted in the group chat.

 

_Do you want a Bonus round?_

_\- 8 votes -_

_Yes - 100%_

_No - 0%_

 


	5. Bonus Round pt.1

New shuffles partners had been drawn around midnight, via some online random picker, and yet Jongdae spent most of his Monday with someone other than his partner for the week. He had been a little unsure of whether this was a good idea or not, but when he saw the awe on Chanyeol's face as he looked at himself in one of the mirrors, marveling at his blue contacts as a stylist friend kept fiddling with his hair... he knew it was worth it. Jongdae walked over to the set where the actual shooting was taking place in a surreal, tiled room that was stuffed with books and flowers peeking in between the chaos. Jongdae wasn't a natural at designing sets, but he was good at getting his hands on things, and after having been part of this business for a couple years, he was getting the hang of this. Rule number one was "Fake it til you make it" - if you can't come up with something mindblowing, do something strange. As long as it's aesthetically pleasing, someone else will come up with a concept for you. In this case, tiles were associated with bathrooms or hospitals, and the dreamy books and flowers stood in stark contrast to that. ' _The flowers represent life growing and persisting in a sterile place. Like human dreams sprouting despite unlikely conditions._ That's what Jongdae's set building partner had said, anyway. She was better with words than him. That didn't matter though, because while the higher ups needed the flowery words, models and most assistants were content with simple expressions. Especially Chanyeol, who watched the ongoing shooting with awe, looking intimidated when it was his turn. To be honest, most people already packed up their things, seeing as Chanyeol wasn't scheduled in any way, but Jongdae only needed the photographer, whom he was on good terms with, and wouldn't turn such a simple favour down.

"The concept is dreamy, maybe a bit too dreamy, to the point where you're apathetic or hostile towards the real world coming to take you back," Jongdae said, and Chanyeol still looked nervous as he fidgeted with the ridiculously long sleeves of his dress shirt. To Jongdae, tall, gorgeous people weren't really a rare thing, but seeing sloppy, laid-back Chanyeol in high fashion garments and with a simple, yet eye-catching style was really something. It was like dusting off a gem and seeing how blindingly it could sparkle. Now Jongdae had no problem with people who cared little about their appearance and just wanted to get by. He could understand, loved good old pajama Sunday like the next person, but that didn't make Chanyeol's spontaneous transformation any less impressive.

"All of that? At once?" he asked, looking mildly panicked, and Jongdae couldn't help but smile and pat his upper arm.

"Stop stressing. That's just the concept. Choose whatever you feel like and go with the flow, the photographer and I are there to help if you get stuck."

"Okay," Chanyeol mumbled, all but waddling on set, muttering "okay" to himself, over and over again. Jongdae already felt accomplished - even the last trace of misery Chanyeol had been plagued with the day before was temporarily gone as he was faced with this new, exciting task. When it turned out that he had an obvious knack for modeling, Jongdae clapped his hands together like an excited kid. Clearly, Chanyeol was the natural, extroverted type of model - after a set of serious, even vulnerable portraits, he started to experiment, spurred on by the photographer's reassurance. He tried to figure out more involved poses, going from serious and dreamy to mischievous, step by step, as if he wasn't sure he was allowed to. He pulled his own ear or hid his face with the long sleeves, and soon, he was full on laughing as the photographer snapped away, nothing but an occasional request to "hold it". Chanyeol actually had a dimple, just a single one - Jongdae hadn't noticed that before. As far as he saw, though, the photos looked great and like they could actually be used professionally. There weren't a lot of models who suited an extroverted, fun look very well - newbies especially liked the serious look, dramatic pouts or bedroom eyes, and Jongdae could appreciate that, but seeing Chanyeol glow up during the shooting filled him with a sense of joy, relief and pride.

The whole way back he kept gushing to Jongdae about how exciting it had been, how worried he was during certain poses, how bright and surprisingly hot the motionless spotlights were, unlike those flickery ones in clubs. Jongdae just smiled. Mission accomplished.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongin had hesitated when he saw the poll asking about a Love Shuffle bonus round. He really had. But then he had given in and voted 'yes'. As sad as it sounded, it was probably better for him not to be alone right now. He couldn't trust himself not to do anything silly, such as immediately falling back into old habits. So being with somewhat familiar people would be better than nothing, he figured. Back then, he hadn't realized that the nature of the bonus round was different. Baekhyun had sent a message soon after, stating that to spice things up, the neighbours would date among themselves, while the original plus ones would do the same. This meant that he was not really hanging out with familiar faces and it was the reason he now had a yawning Sehun on his couch, stretching like a cat and complaining about a boring work day. That wasn't terribly bad, but Sehun had a reputation, one that Jongin was aware of.

"So," Sehun drawled out, head lolling against the headrest to spare him a bored look, "wanna fuck?"

Jongin grimaced.

"Not really, thanks," he mumbled as nonchalantly as possible; he wasn't quite ready to fuck without commitment, yet, that much self-awareness was present.

Sehun groaned.

"Boring."

Jongin wasn't fazed and tugged a gamepad out from under the table.

"How about a round of Mario Kart instead?" he asked, casually, a tinge of hope sprinkled on top. To his surprise, Sehun actually perked up at this and stretched out a hand. Jongin gave him the gamepad.

"Don't you dare pick Toad," he said, and Jongin actually struck out his tongue.

"Who wants to play a mushroom, anyway?"

"You're so going down," Sehun announced. "Please tell me you also own Mario Party, cause I'll kick your ass in that one, too."

"Oh? We'll see about that," Jongin hummed as he switched on the gaming console.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"That doesn't sound that hard, actually," Jongdae said as he watched Kyungsoo count spoonfuls of soy sauce, sugar, and all the other ingredients spread out on the table.

"It really isn't," the other replied absently. "I'm not an amazing chef at all, I just got some practice and collected quite a few recipes over time."

"But you need talent to be able to combine them, don't you? I feel like I'm... taste-deaf," Jongdae provided bluntly, and Kyungsoo cracked a smile at that.

"You're just very hungry right now."

"I am...!" Jongdae repeated, dragging out the last syllable. "The shooting took longer than expected since Chanyeol really hit it off."

Kyungsoo hummed as he whisked all the ingredients for the sauce together.

"I know nothing about fashion or modelling, but if you say so, I guess he's good."

"He is," Jongdae hummed, watching as Kyungsoo poured the sauce into the pan where the chicken was already sizzling. Jongdae shamelessly squished himself into Kyungsoo's side, head resting on his shoulder. God, he was so hungry.

"If this tastes anything like it smells, I'll never _stop_ dating you," Jongdae joked, and Kyungsoo smiled again, silently and just to himself, but Jongdae noticed.

"I see you have your priorities set."

Jongdae observed him, just took in his features in a way he never had a chance to before. Kyungsoo had really pretty eyes, almost as clear as Chanyeol’s, but the most magnetic thing about him were his lips.

"Shouldn't we kiss, since we're now a couple and stuff?" Jongdae asked bluntly, watching the wooden spoon stop as Kyungsoo stilled. "You know, the 'a kiss says more than sex' thing still stands, right?"

Kyungsoo actually licked his lips and glanced at him, even leaned towards him a bit, lighting some hope in Jongdae... but then he shook his head.

"Let's not," he said. "Sorry. I don't really- it's not you, I just don't feel like it. If you asked me a few weeks ago, I would have been up for it. It’s just bad timing. Sorry."

Jongdae could make a joke out of this, but Kyungsoo sounded a bit too serious for that. So he stepped aside and patted his shoulder.

"Hey now, no need to apologize twice," he said easily. "We don't need to test our chemistry, right? We know it's perfectly fine."

Kyungsoo smiled gratefully, and nodded towards a cupboard.

"How about you make yourself useful and get some plates?" he asked, naturally talking as if this incident had never even happened. Jongdae knew they'd get along well.

He also complied without a hitch - Jongdae was inherently grateful for anyone willing to provide him with food.

"So what do you do with your significant other?" he asked a while later, trying hard to look civilized as he scarfed down the fried chicken. "Like, for fun?"

Kyungsoo blinked at him, and then raised his eyebrows in an obviously judgemental fashion.

"Ugh, other than _that_ ," Jongdae complained with a pout.

"I'm just joking," Kyungsoo said as he picked up a spoon for the little bowl of soup. "But really, no idea... nothing? I like movies, hanging out, the usual. I'm boring, I guess.

"Don't say that," Jongdae protested, " what did you do with Yixing?"

"Uh. Lots of formal dinner dates, nothing too exciting," Kyungsoo said with a shrug, eyes trained on his food. Huh. Jongdae had had a lot more fun with Yixing, but maybe they preferred it that way.

"Sehun?" Jongdae asked next.

"Lots of cuddles and TV."

Jongdae's incredulous look didn't go unnoticed.

"I don't see him that way."

"Oh," Jongdae said, deciding not to poke any further on that matter. "And Minseok?"

Kyungsoo paused in his movement, stopped chewing and blinked. Then he seemed to catch himself, swallowed and looked up.

"Nothing special either. I barely saw him."

Jongdae eyed him closely.

"He seemed to like you though."

Kyungsoo met his eyes again, looking mildly surprised and a tiny bit... hopeful.

"Did he? You think so?"

"Well, he came to see you at seven in the morning to tell you goodbye in front of all of us," Jongdae provided, but the other didn't seem all that convinced.

"It was part of the game."

"You told him the game was over though? And yet he still did it?"

Kyungsoo didn't say anything after that and just silently ate his soup, metal spoon clinking against porcelain.

"Is this how _you_ date people? Set them up with people other than yourself? Because that would explain a lot," he finally said, and Jongdae pouted.

"Yeah, yeah, just rub it in, why don't you?" he said with a faux dramatic attitude, "but that won't change your situation, you know that."

Kyungsoo sighed in something akin to defeat. Jongdae went back to his food with a nonchalant attitude, waiting for Kyungsoo to gather his thoughts.

"Do you think... anything that happened these past few weeks had meaning?"

"Look," Jongdae began, placing his chopsticks on his bowl. "Minseok might be a deep body of water, but he's really considerate and smart. If _you_ got the vibes that it meant something... it probably did."

Kyungsoo thought about this, scrunched his brows together like he was facing a complex math formula (or whatever was regarded as complex in his area of expertise) - then he shook his head, as if unable to go further.

"I don't know," he said, even more quiet than usual, and got to his feet to take away the empty bowls. He returned with a bottle of chilled water, refilling their glasses.

"I still think that love and sex are both pretty useless flukes of hormones," he said, completely out of the blue.

"Uh- okay?"

"What I'm saying is that I don't care whether you meet up with other people this week. Just do whatever you want."

"Isn't that cheating?" Jongdae asked with a playful smile back in place.

"Not if it's an open relationship," Kyungsoo insisted, and Jongdae hummed knowingly.

"Then are you going to meet up with someone?"

Kyungsoo glanced at him before his gaze dropped to the water in his glass.

"No."

He took a deep gulp, and Jongdae sighed. So stubborn. Then again, surely he just needed more time. It was hard, thinking of what you wanted. Jongdae knew that now, more than ever.

  


* * *

 

 

"Ah, this is no fun anymore! Can't a guy get a good fuck anymore without having to beg?"

In response to the nasty glare from Chanyeol that was about as threatening as an angry puppy could be, Baekhyun headbutted right into his side with an even more dramatic groan, settling his legs over the armrest of Chanyeol's couch.

"Not even begging is gonna lure you in? You're super vanilla, aren't you?"

"I don't sleep with people I have no feelings for," Chanyeol replied without thinking, sounding like a petulant child.

"Oh yeah? So you had feelings for my boyfriend?" Baekhyun asked without missing a beat, and Chanyeol's expression instantly froze. Baekhyun wanted to call it off, say it was a joke and that they were good, but he was somewhat curious what the boy's excuse would be. He watched the emotions flicker across his face, and then Chanyeol looked him in the eye again.

"I don't," he said firmly, and for some reason Baekhyun relaxed a bit at that. Wow, that's how far things had come. He felt threatened by a puppy Yixing had entertained for a week.

"And I didn't sleep with him either," he added, avoiding eye contact.

Baekhyun shot him a skeptical look.

"Is that so? I saw your stupid rose shirt lying around his apartment."

He didn't mention that it had just been a picture, and Chanyeol just reacted with childish annoyance.

"That was a couple shirt; it was Yixing's. Did you not see it on him before? He's worn it a lot."

That actually hurt, despite Chanyeol not intending for it to. But no, Baekhyun had barely seen Yixing last week. Or the week before that. Chanyeol shifted away until he could properly face Baekhyun.

"Listen. I won't get in between you and Yixing. Yixing wouldn't even be remotely interested in that, and you should know it. Weren't you the one raving on about how much you trust each other?"

Yes, he had said that, and yes, he still trusted Yixing. Did Yixing still trust him?

"Then why did you let it get to your head like that?" Baekhyun asked back, an instinctive jab to distract from himself because he was terrible like that. Chanyeol turned a bit red, whether from anger or embarrassment, Baekhyun couldn't tell.

"I don't want him! I wanted to distract myself, okay? It just worked better than I would have liked. But it's over now, so whatever-"

"Distract from what?" Baekhyun asked immediately. He might not be a psychologist, but he encountered employees who tried to hide stuff from him every day. Chanyeol hesitated with slightly parted lips, and Baekhyun smelled a juicy secret. "Or rather distract from _whom_?"

"Definitely not!" Chanyeol said, and it would have been less obvious if he had outright admitted it.

Any trace of jealousy was forgotten for good now as Baekhyun leaned in way too close for comfort.

"Whom?" he asked, dragging the word out in an obnoxious singsong voice. "It's Kyungsoo, right? You like the small, feisty ones, huh?"

"It's not."

"Oh, I see... so... Sehun?"

"We're best friends, Baekhyun," Chanyeol said with an unimpressed look.

"Details, details. So it's Minseok, after all! I mean, he's hot-"

"It's not Minseok! Minseok was really nice, and really obviously not interested in me."

Baekhyun threw up his hands, mentally going over the participants in his head. Chanyeol looked unhappy about the time it took him.

"Ah, I get it. You want to be part of our amazing relationship-"

"Baekhyun, please-"

"I'm kidding," he said, backing off in case Chanyeol attempted to choke him with a pillow. "Geez. But for real? Jongdae? I mean. He's nice?"

"I'm honestly glad you're this ignorant, because he doesn't deserve someone like you around," Chanyeol quipped back, clearly defensive over both his dignity and Jongdae in general.

"Nobody deserves me around, and yet I'm feeling generous," Baekhyun said jokingly, only to get back on track before they spent the rest of the day bickering. "So why don't you just go for it?"

Chanyeol instantly lost steam and leaned back a little.

"I can't. I shouldn't. Look, he might not have caught your attention yet, but if he did, you'd know how cool he is. He's really something. Has an amazing job in a business that's even more cut-throat than mine, and yet he's really gentle and fun, patient and devoted-"

"So? Are you going down the 'I'm not good enough for him' lane right now?" Baekhyun asked, almost bored.

"No. Not... really. It's not about being good, but about being... right. I'm not the right person for him. I'm just some kid on the constant verge of being jobless. We're the same age, but Jongdae is so mature. Surely, he'd want someone like Minseok, or maybe Luhan-"

"How do you know what he wants? Man, just hit on him and see whether he takes the bait-"

"I can't!" Chanyeol cut him off, clearly getting upset. "I can't because I'm me. I'm flimsy. I crush on people all the time, and after a week or two, I'll find a new crush. People get bored of me, and I'm always doing everything wrong in relationships, apparently. I don't want to force so much work and trouble on him if I'm too flimsy to make it worth it. Jongdae doesn't deserve that."

Baekhyun wanted to argue, but he was out of words.

_I'm flimsy._

That hit home, more so than Chanyeol could have possibly known. Baekhyun, too, was flimsy, had always been. Always on the lookout for new challenges, more excitement, a different person to discover in the most intimate way. Always looking for the next thrill.

Yes, Baekhyun was flimsy, just like Chanyeol, and yet different.

And unlike Baekhyun, Chanyeol was scared to hurt someone with that. Well, Baekhyun didn't want to hurt Yixing either, had never wanted to, but that only lead to the sticky situation he was in now.

"Well, it's not like you can change a whole part of yourself," he finally said, absently scraping his nails over the structured fabric of the couch.

"But why can't I? I wish I could."

"You shouldn't, right? If that's how you are, then that's it," Baekhyun stated, but Chanyeol shook his head.

"Jongdae deserves more. The least I can do is try to change-"

"By the time you do he'll probably be taken," Baekhyun said moodily, and Chanyeol seemed to grow tired of his attitude.

"I have no idea what you want from me right now," he started, fingers turning white on his thighs. "I've been interested in Jongdae long before this game started, and now that it did, I’ve developed a full-blown, ridiculous crush. Crushing on someone means that you want them to be happy - I won't be selfish this time. If my presence would bring him more headaches than joy, then I'll stay away. It's none of your business, anyway!"

" _Shut up_!" Baekhyun snapped, fighting the urge to sweep the glasses of the table, to hit something, to cry. He tugged his knees up to his chest, pressing his forehead against them, adding to the upcoming headache.

That was Baekhyun. Too selfish to consider his lover's happiness, too inconsiderate to give up a big part of himself. Yixing had given up on his rough surroundings without asking, saying he didn't want to endanger Baekhyun. But he loved what he got instead. Yixing loved being a kindergarten teacher. Baekhyun got something wonderful in return, too. He got Yixing's love and attention - and yet he kept looking back, kept yearning and missing. What was he supposed to do if it wouldn't stop? He couldn't just suck it up, though maybe that's because a tiny part of him never _wanted_ to. What was he supposed to do about that?

It was all his fucking fault.

Whether Baekhyun was crying or not, Chanyeol couldn't know. Despite everything, Baekhyun felt a comforting hand on his shoulder that turned to a firm side-hug eventually, with Chanyeol's chin resting somewhere on his head.

Baekhyun wondered whether Yixing had anyone holding him right now.

Actually... he hoped he did.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Why is it that whenever I meet you, you're cheating on your boyfriend?"

Jongdae playfully swatted at Luhan before he continued to take off his shoes.

"Kyungsoo's still at work."

Luhan hummed knowingly, saying something about Jongdae's incredible unfaithfulness, but it was all in good fun. Minseok hadn't been exaggerating - the indoor beach volleyball place he'd been talking about was as nice as he'd described it. It wasn't very big or sterile - rather than that it was a small storage hall a bunch of people had made their own over time, with pretty to dorky decorations filling every corner and graffiti raking up the metal walls. He had already caught himself planning a photoshoot in there when Chanyeol stumbled over his own feet and almost took him to the ground with him. It wasn't surprising that neither Baekhyun nor Yixing had shown up - they didn't seem to be on the best terms at the moment, and Jongdae would have loved Kyungsoo around, but there was nothing to be done there. At least they had an even amount of players now - they started out with Chanyeol, Jongdae and Minseok on one side, and Luhan, Sehun and Jongin on the other. Clearly, Minseok was the only one who had experience playing this game, but Luhan seemed quite fit as well. He'd mentioned that he did some dancing on the side, but how that translated to violently smashing a ball at them remained a mystery. Jongdae seriously feared for his physical health and was more tempted to avoid the ball if anything. Luckily for him, both Jongin and Sehun were rather clumsy and more of a danger to themselves - just like him. Chanyeol, on the other hand... he got the hang of the game rather quickly, and it reminded Jongdae of the time he was modelling, and how quickly he'd adapted. He had a knack for learning new things, it seemed, and managed to be in the right place at surprising times. What was even more surprising though, was the competitive streak burning up within both Minseok and Luhan. Jongdae had war flashbacks from school, where you always had that one guy or girl in the team who took the game way too seriously and played to _win_ , no matter what. It turned out that both Minseok and Luhan were that guy. It was basically two very determined players fighting an epic battle close to the net while their team partners stood in the back, mostly hoping they just didn’t _lose_ the ball.

Jongdae still enjoyed himself, joked around with Chanyeol as they tried to pass each other the ball, and whenever they messed up, they'd break into laughter over the silly acrobatics that were their pitiful attempts at saving it. Minseok only had a fond sigh and a shake of his head for them - Jongdae was pretty sure that this would be a relaxed game if not for Luhan. The two somehow seemed to silently challenge each other. Weird testosterone battles weren't a language Jongdae had ever learnt to read well though, so he just minded his own business.

When Chanyeol scored his first point, they settled for a break, and Jongdae and Chanyeol hyped each other up in a completely over-the-top fashion.

"It was just one point," Luhan grumbled, pouted, really, as they sat on the sideline, where Jongin and Sehun sat on a bench.

"What's the score even?" Sehun asked, looking rather exhausted. Jongdae plopped down on the ground, into the sand, and shrugged.

"I don't know man, I was definitely not cou-"

"28 to 23 for us," Minseok said with a suspiciously blinding smile. Scary, Jongdae thought, sharing a raised brow with the others, and then Luhan sat down next to him with a sigh.

"It's been forever since I played this," he said, and there was a happy smile playing around his lips, resolving all the tension now that they were off the field. Competitive people were so weird.

"This place is really cool, too," he added, wordlessly handing Jongdae a bottle of water. Judging by how sweaty he looked, he should have taken the first swig, but Jongdae just accepted it because he was terribly thirsty.

"Yeah, and the owners are pretty chill. I sometimes come here on the weekends when there are more people around to play with," Minseok said, and Chanyeol shook his head like a wet dog, trying to get his hair out of his eyes.

"It's fun, but I _suck_ ," Chanyeol said happily, accepting the bottle from Jongdae.

"Everyone's gotta start somewhere," Minseok said patiently, and even though it technically wasn't a compliment, it was enough to make him glow. It must have been nice, dating Minseok, Jongdae thought as he turned to return the bottle to Luhan. The latter looked at the bottle suspiciously and hesitated, but before Jongdae could ask him about it, he uncapped it and emptied most of it, then dumped the rest on his head.

"Alright then," he said, with fresh resolve. Jongin groaned, small and pitifully.

"You know what, I think we should switch teams," Luhan announced as he got to his feet. "No wonder I'm behind with these two on my team-"

"These two can hear you," Sehun provided impassively, and Luhan shot him an unimpressed look. "If only you had listened that well during the game, huh?"

"Luhan," Jongin whined, flapping his shirt to create the illusion of some wind, "you're a tyrant!"

"I've been exceptionally nice?" Luhan asked with exasperation, and Jongdae intervened before Jongin and Luhan would go ahead and expose whatever they had on each other to prove or disprove that thesis.

"Okay, okay, let's shuffle teams-"

But Luhan had already placed a hand on both Jongdae's and Chanyeol's shoulder each.

"I'll just switch places with Minseok."

"Can't you switch with me? I'm actually scared of you," Chanyeol said half-jokingly, and Luhan flipped one of his sweaty curls.

"You two can't be separated, you're dating this week."

"But we aren't? I'm dating Kyungsoo," Jongdae said, confused for a second. The confusion was mirrored on Luhan's face, until it cleared as fast as it had come.

"Oh. Right. Kyungsoo. Whatever. Let's go and play, we didn't come here to sit in the sand and chat, there are playgrounds for that."

Luckily, Luhan didn't turn out to be that strict of a team captain. Sure, he still whined when they made dumb mistakes, but he also praised them when they managed a nice save. He also seemed really keen on building up Chanyeol's confidence, telling him how much of a quick learner he was, and that he was more agile than he let on, and so on and so forth.

"He's trying to pull you into the hell that is competition, don't fall for it," he joked, but Chanyeol only laughed.

"I am competitive though, I really am," he reassured him, and in response to Jongdae's raised brows and nod towards both Minseok and Luhan, he shrugged. "I know a lost battle when I see it," he said.

"What is this slander going on behind my back - is this my reward for trying to build you up?" Luhan joked dramatically, looking behind for just a second too long, allowing Minseok to score a point. It added even more fuel to the wildfire, and the next hour was lost in concentration for the team leaders and shenanigans for those behind them. The game finally came to an end when the exhausted team members used vague gestures to communicate and then tackled down their respective leaders, announcing the game as a draw. That ended in a childish sand fight on one side of the field, and when Jongdae stepped under the shower awhile later, it looked like he'd taken two handfuls of sand along with him - and it felt like most of it had ended up on his scalp, for some reason.

It had been fun though. He really hoped that even after the game, they could hang out like this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Why did you and Jongin break up?"

Kyungsoo looked up from his laptop at Jongdae, who had just found the remote control beneath a bunch of sketches.

"Why are you asking this?"

He didn't seem offended or angry, just curious. Jongdae shrugged as he sat down next to him, looking at the folder of movies.

"No specific reason. I was just wondering."

Kyungsoo paused scrolling, sat back and hummed as he considered his reply. He was so much more relaxed than when Jongdae had first met him. Who would have thought?

"I used to think I'm not made for relationships," he began, and Jongdae tilted his head a bit, an unspoken question that he knew the answer was on the way for.

"Because Jongin and I, we just wouldn't work out, despite us being 'in love'."

He still put obvious quotes around the word love, Jongdae heard them, but didn't dwell on it for too long.

"Our expectations never really lined up. Where one needed reassurance, the other needed room. Where I needed clarity, Jongin was content. Where Jongin got unhappy if we didn't see each other every day, I got frustrated over him not realizing when I needed to talk."

He shrugged and looked at Jongdae, seeming genuinely alright talking about this.

"At the end of the day, I just felt suffocated and restricted being with Jongin, and it seemed to get worse over time, for both of us, so I ended it. It makes me look like a terrible person, but I've come to accept that by now."

"You said you used to think you're not cut out for relationships," Jongdae mentioned, hoping he wasn't taking it too far now. "Did that change throughout the game?"

Kyungsoo looked at him, as if the answer might be written on Jongdae's face, but then he averted his gaze and gave him a hesitant, small nod. As if was hard to even give a non-verbal reply. Jongdae nodded, too, in silent understanding and determined not to push it.

"Hey, enough serious talk," he said, and Kyungsoo looked back at him, accepting the change in atmosphere without a hitch. "Let's just go over to your place so we can watch Lord of the Rings instead. You said I _need_ to see them, right?"

With a small grin, Kyungsoo closed his laptop.

"All of them? Extended versions? It might take awhile. But sure, let's do that."

"I'm taking the snacks," Jongdae sing-songed as he trailed after Kyungsoo, not even bothering with shoes - really, they were hanging out in the hallway too much. It felt like an extension of their apartments at this point. He almost walked into Kyungsoo when the latter suddenly stilled. A look around him explained it. There was a blank, white envelope taped to his door.

"Medium creepy," Jongdae stated, and Kyungsoo wordlessly tugged it off and opened the door. Inside, he placed his laptop on a nearby shelf and calmly opened the envelope. Jongdae was a bit worried, to be honest, but what he didn't expect was for Kyungsoo to turn it over and have a key drop into his palm, with a small note flying to the ground. Before he could consider Kyungsoo's privacy, Jongdae had already picked it up. There was only one sentence written in neat, black handwriting.

 

_You forgot something._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Am I blending in?" Chanyeol asked self-consciously, tugging at the loose, open cuffs of his dress shirt. Around them, people were standing in groups or moving through the loose crowd, carrying overpriced drinks as one of the soft spotlights fixed on the warehouse's ceiling slowly wandered over their heads.

Jongdae shook his head in mild exasperation.

"You're not blending in, you're sticking out. You're tall and good-looking as fuck, did you ever look in the mirror?" he said, playfully flicking at the other's arm. Chanyeol seemed to shrink at the mere mention of that, which still made him a head taller next to Jongdae. His wardrobe was not suited for any type of fashion-related activity - at least that's what he'd said when Jongdae told him that Luhan had invited them. Jongdae knew, of course, that there was no such thing as an inherently awful wardrobe. At least not if Chanyeol owned anything other than five versions of his favourite tracksuit - which he knew he did. To cheer him up and boost his confidence a little, Jongdae had borrowed the combination Chanyeol had been shooting in on Monday - a bright, cut up sweater with a simple print worn over a wide, plaid dress shirt with a hood. A simple pair of jeans and Chanyeol's only pair of shoes that weren't sneakers later, the outfit was completed.

"But..." Chanyeol trailed off, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Don't you like the shirt?" Jongdae asked, and Chanyeol hurried to shake his head.

"I do!"

"Great. Then it looks good. That's how individual fashion works. No need to think much. And if you're sticking out, it should be considered a compliment," he said encouragingly, placing a palm on the small of his back - he would have loved to go for his shoulders, but that would have looked very ridiculous, and Jongdae couldn't tiptoe well in these shoes.

"Okay," Chanyeol said, exhaled and straightened up a bit.

"Besides, I'm the shorty wearing a sweater with little race cars on it," Jongdae added playfully. "If anything, you should be embarrassed being seen with _me_."

"No!" Chanyeol hurriedly said, shaking his head as his eyes flickered from Jongdae's eyes to his outfit. From said sweater to the yellow turtleneck peeking out and his styled hair. "You look really good! In an... artsy fashion-type of way I don't think I understand. But you look really good."

Jongdae laughed at the earnest response, and that was when the lights were dimmed down even further and Sehun and Kyungsoo finally returned with their drinks.

They were here to see both Luhan and Jongin walk the runway - Luhan had been very mysterious about it, telling them that this event was worth attending, and Jongdae had a good feeling about this already. Sure, the others probably lacked a feeling for that, but the audience wasn't all pretentious stuck up people in suits which was a good sign. Young audiences usually were, for Jongdae's tastes.

He wondered whether it was odd for Kyungsoo to attend an event starring his ex again. Then again, his mind was probably with the silver key he'd placed on a shelf and kept glancing at, from time to time.

Jongdae was positively surprised when the show started, and it turned out to be an active runway, street-fashion-themed. Instead of just walking with a stiff face, people were expressing themselves as they went, interacting with the audience, and even dancing. Jongdae kept moving around to get a better view, until Chanyeol's hands gently guided him to stand in front of himself, which was a much better position.

He didn't immediately recognize Luhan, only when he was halfway down the runway. The reasons were obvious - for one, he had died his hair in a shade of milkshake pink, and wore really heavy, smokey eye makeup. But he was also performing incredibly well. The way he moved was sharp and looked effortless, reminding Jongdae of how much he loved watching people dance. It was almost surreal to think that this person had a well-paying job in a company that's all about wearing suits and sharing stiff smiles. His outfit was amazing, too, but it was hard to think about that with the way Luhan was dancing. He definitely got a longer stage than most of the others had. Maybe that's why he deemed it worth inviting them; Jongdae certainly wasn't going to complain. Jongin got a special role as well, shortly after. It was a bizarre, almost comical performance, with him dancing what looked like classical ballet in thuggish-looking street fashion. Jongdae was entranced. After that, it was back to pumping bass and fierce smiles as people showcased various brands. Jongdae was vaguely aware of the hands sitting on his waist, weight light as a feather, but there was no dwelling on that, with so much happening on the runway. The final was a joint performance between Luhan, Jongin, and a third person he was unfamiliar with. Luhan was dressed in white, with a colorful sweater decked in metallic sequins and green fishnets peeking out at the seams. Jongin wore a similar ensemble, albeit with fluttery fabrics that supported his flowing moves. It was enthralling to watch, and the applause was wild when the designers went on stage later, holding hands with one of the three each. To his relief, none of the other three seemed to be overly bored (though that was always hard to tell with Sehun), and everyone was staying for the after-party at a nearby bar.

It was probably a bad idea to accept the cocktail Chanyeol bought him, and to drink the shots after that, but around eleven, Jongdae had surpassed being tipsy and started to feel drunk, subtly steadying himself on the bar counter they were seated at. It couldn't just be the alcohol that made Luhan look so surreally handsome with his smoky makeup and sparkly eyes. The other was clearly drunk, too, judging by the possessive arm around Jongdae's waist and the shrinking proximity between them. And really, Jongdae should have known better. He knew by experience that he tended to get horny when drunk, and just... easier. At some point, Luhan started lowly talking about how angry he had been when he heard of that fiasco Jongdae had experienced with Sehun, how unfair it was, how Jongdae deserved so much better. How he would have loved to be in Sehun's place, to be better for him. And even though that incident had just happened a week ago, Jongdae just wouldn't learn, it seemed. Or maybe it was a part of the reason why he followed Luhan out and into a taxi, only to make out against a wall of an unfamiliar parking lot. Because he yearned for a better experience, because he felt that with Luhan, it would be alright, that he could trust him.

 

Back at the bar, Chanyeol had turned quiet after the two had left together. Kyungsoo was holding his hand, spurred on by a tinge of alcohol and empathy, while Sehun and Jongin were leaning onto each other, looking a bit concerned and unhappy about the way things had unfolded.

  


* * *

 

 

"Did it make you feel better, dumping Chanyeol?"

Yixing looked up from his fancy dinner, surprised at the sudden turn in mood.

"I don't see how anyone would feel good about rejecting someone like Chanyeol," he said, but the vague reply wasn't enough to fool or satisfy Minseok, who placed the cutlery aside to reach for his chilled water. Around them, none of the other restaurant staff members or customers were close enough to listen in on them; both Minseok and Yixing were rather quiet by nature.

"I suspected you felt good about it. With the way things are between you and Baekhyun," Minseok said cooly and yes, he was clearly protective over Chanyeol, though he had been smart enough not to bring up risky topics until shortly before they'd separate. Well, Yixing could understand him.

"How would dumping Chanyeol make me feel better about anything?" Yixing asked back, purposefully calm.

"I wouldn't be able to understand," Minseok replied, going back to cutting his fish. "Maybe it's gratifying to be on that end, for a change."

"Which end?" Yixing asked, and Minseok glanced up at him.

"The one that causes the hurt, instead of taking it."

Yixing opened his mouth, reconsidered, and ate a spoonful of noodles instead.

"I didn't enjoy 'dumping Chanyeol', as you call it," he finally said. "I did enjoy being with him, more so than I had initially assumed, even if my intentions were never ones he deserved."

"You just did this to get back at Baekhyun," Minseok stated, the sharp accusation laced by his voice in a subtle, dangerous way. Yixing tilted his head and went back to fishing more meat out of his gratin.

"I cannot deny that."

For a while, it was silent, except for the clinking of cutlery against porcelain. Yixing sighed.

"I've been an idiot, right from the start. None of this should have happened and I only made it worse."

Now Minseok was looking at him in a curiously questioning manner, prompting him to keep going. It was surprisingly easy, talking to him. Out of all the participants in the game, Minseok seemed the most reasonable, mature of them all. He wasn't worried that the other might lash out at him, so he continued.

"I've always known that Baek missed his life before... us. I was aware. So when he suggested that game, I thought to myself that at least nothing would happen behind my back. I wanted to indulge him, just for awhile. I naively thought that throughout all this, he would realize that what we have is better, worth it, and maybe live with less regrets."

"But he's totally into this and doesn't show signs of wanting to be exclusive at all," Minseok stated rather than guessed. "Though he did get distressed when you hit if off with Chanyeol, so I guess you won."

Yixing smiled.

"Don't you think we both lost? I was just being petty and made Chanyeol suffer unnecessarily. I don't even want to try and approach him, to make up for it, in case it will upset him even more."

"Give it a few more days," Minseok suggested. "He'll be fine. But certainly not thanks to you."

"I'm aware."

It was Minseok's turn to sigh.

"Look, I don't know anything about you two and your relationship. But the meetup with Sehun and me was a clear mistake. I would have called it off in either of your places. But it didn't feel like my place to intervene."

Yixing looked surprised, and Minseok shrugged.

"You're a good actor, but I've seen people play this part, and you just looked uncomfortable. The interactions between you and Baekhyun were off."

"Which interactions are you talking about?" Yixing sighed, in a spur of bitterness. "He didn't need me there at all."

Minseok took pity in him and abandoned his food for a second.

"Hey," he began softly, "I may not be an expert in this area, ‘cause I don't get to attend foursomes every day. But to me... it looked like Baekhyun was trying to appeal to you. He was constantly looking at you, playing it up to look like he was _thoroughly_ enjoying himself."

"To show me how much more he likes being touched by you two?" Yixing asked pessimistically, and Minseok shook his head with a soft, yet insistent "No," as if Yixing was a child missing an obvious point.

"Because he wanted to look pretty to you. And he wanted you to see that ultimately, he is yours, no matter what."

"How would that possibly be arousing for any of us?" Yixing asked, brows furrowed. Minseok sighed, but was less of a demeaning nature than genuine pity.

"See, I think you two had really strong communication issues back there. I don't blame you for not being happy that evening," he added in a pacifying manner, "but I'm guessing that you both misjudged the situation and the signals the other was giving. You were definitely not ready for that evening, and that is not just on you."

 _Not ready_. Minseok made it sound like he _could_ be ready for it. After that disaster, Yixing wasn't so sure about that. But would Baekhyun hurt him on purpose, with malicious intent? No.

Would Baekhyun be an idiot and mess up, thinking he'd even be doing a favour to Yixing, like Minseok was hinting at? Well, that sounded more like him.

Yixing nodded, and then went back to his food, thoughts drifting off.

Minseok had repeatedly said that they were both at fault, and that was undeniably true. He just had to think hard about what he wanted from Baekhyun right now, and what he was willing to give to Baekhyun in turn...

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jongdae wasn't coherent. He was sure that if he closed his eyes right now, he'd be completely without orientation, too. He was hot and sticky, and Luhan was covering every inch of his body he could reach, grinding against him slow and hard as he sucked on Jongdae's bottom lip. They'd been going at this for so long that he was back from being drunk to being tipsy, and yet he was too dizzy to form a coherent thought other than internal begging. Luhan hadn't lied when he'd whispered about _giving him everything_ earlier. This wasn't the usual sex Jongdae got, that was mostly comprised of two drunk people trying to get off somehow. He didn't even get the impression that Luhan was planning on getting off at all; his attention was entirely focused on Jongdae, on making him squirm, gasp, and groan. He wasn't necessarily gentle in doing so, because he quickly realized that a surprising, rough tug at his skin made Jongdae react stronger than a lingering, soft kiss. He was prodding and picking Jongdae apart, who had long passed the state of being either inebriated or embarrassed. He just went with it, arched and hummed in appreciation, and mouthed at every patch of skin he could reach. When Luhan went down on him, he motioned one of Jongdae's hands over his eyes, making him obscure his own vision. The slick, hot feeling that followed had Jongdae whining and twitching. He found a gentle, steady rhythm of grinding into him, focusing on nothing but the sensation, his other hand helplessly carding through Luhan's sweaty hair.

When he warned Luhan about being close, the other backed off, kissing his fingers, before slowly pushing them away, and Jongdae blinked against the dim light with teary eyes and widened pupils. Luhan's eyes were dark as well, and Jongdae felt his precum being smeared against his bare thigh, causing him to shudder. Luhan blinked down, then gently tugged Jongdae up, positioning him against a few cushions before he reached for a condom, and before Jongdae could really process what was happening, Luhan was sinking onto him, legs spread and mouth opened in a silent groan, eyes closed in concentration. Jongdae moaned, too, scabbling for hold because this was so _good_. Now he knew why people were always so, so eager to be on this end. It was direct, hot stimulation, better than a hand or mouth could ever be.

"Too much," he whispered, accidentally leaving scratch marks along Luhan's sides, who only tensed more around him in response. Luhan smiled, looking proud of himself, a little unfocused and so, so _fond_. He waited, waited until Jongdae had calmed down enough to start grinding, to start pushing himself up, and then either sinking down slowly, tortuously or just dropping down, keeping Jongdae on edge. The friction was so perfect that Jongdae faintly wished they could do this for hours, just grinding and panting and not thinking about anything other than how amazing it felt to be filthy. Luhan slowed down again, and as he caught his breath and waited for Jongdae's sensitivity to go down, a trail of his own precum was trickling down Jongdae's stomach and crawling along the spot they were pressed together, making the boy under him squirm. With one hand cupping the side of Jongdae's face, he sweeped his own thumb over the sticky spot, holding it up against Jongdae's lips, watching him closely with a silent question in his eyes. Jongdae didn't even hesitate to lick up the salty substance, lips nipping at his finger to suck at the tip, until the salty remains from it were all gone. Jongdae smiled at this, feeling both intrigued and a bit wild. Challenged, maybe. Jongdae only nuzzled into the palm holding his face, because he _trusted_ Luhan. He did not expect for Luhan to start touching himself when he picked up grinding into him again. He didn't give Jongdae a chance to jerk him off, too, and when he came shortly after, he clamped down on Jongdae so hard that there was no way he was going to last any longer. He vaguely saw Luhan pressing his own palm to his mouth, and then they were kissing, and it was wet, squelchy, and salty. Luhan didn't seem to mind tasting his own cum as he groaned due to being sensitive and rode Jongdae harder. The kiss was a filthy mess and Jongdae came with a muffled moan, with their tongues adding saliva to the mess, a wet palm on his right side and another one holding his face. He held on to the other like a lifeline, palming his back and neck without thinking, conveying both need and gratitude.

Luhan stopped moving when Jongdae started wincing, but he didn't get off of him immediately. He stayed right where he was, planting warm, wet kisses all his face until every trace of cum was gone. Even then, even with Luhan slipping off, taking care of the condom and them lying down, it seemed hard to stop kissing. Jongdae was incredibly sleepy, but it was such a warm, comforting feeling. He didn't want to break that spell just yet. His body gave up on him eventually though, and he fell asleep with his cheek pressed somewhere against Luhan's chin, hot, sweaty skin pressed against his in a characteristically gross fashion, and he vaguely felt the path of dried cum on his side, where Luhan was still absently touching the spot, as if he liked it that way.

Jongdae had never felt this content after sex before.

 

 

 


	6. Bonus Round pt.2

On Monday, Jongdae woke up to an alarm that wasn't his. He was confused and disoriented for a while before he managed to identify the alarm on the nightstand and deactivate it by mashing random buttons until it shut up. Ten in the morning. He wasn't expected before noon, so he fell back into the plush blanket nest that had somehow formed over night. Mentally, he went over a quick reality checklist. He was at Luhan's place. Luhan wasn't around. He was slightly hungover, though not terribly so - that was a relief at least. Last night had probably been the most intimate sex of his life, and he wasn't even feeling any pain in his lower regions which was very new indeed.

He lay around until his head stopped spinning before he got up to see if Luhan was around. He wasn't. But there was a note on the kitchen table, lying on a clean plate, weighed down by a pack of advil.

_\- Sorry, I had to leave for work. Just make yourself at home, and don't forget to eat before you leave! Text me -  
_

Jongdae placed the note back down and ventured out to find a towel. It was odd, showering in a foreign apartment. Was this how it usually went? Jongdae tended to wake up early and leave, or maybe pretend he was asleep until the person left his apartment. Luhan had been gracious enough not to be there, though it seemed like he would have stayed if not for work.

Jongdae shook his head in response to his own thoughts as he stepped under the shower. Luhan wasn't even a stranger. He was a friend. He had spontaneously slept with a friend, and for some reason, this didn't feel half as weird as it probably should have. Jongdae dimly wondered whether this whole game had turned him into a cheap person. When he stepped out of the shower he had come to the conclusion that _maybe_ , but he didn't really mind it. There was nothing inherently disgusting about trying to find a partner with more than just words. Now, Jongdae had never been quite conservative; the majority of fashion industry workers weren't. As long as he stayed safe and reasonable, there was no reason to feel bad about anything. Still, he thought on his way out, squirming a bit with the way his pants felt without underwear (there was no way he was going to silently lend himself a pair of underwear from Luhan). Was this going to change anything between them? Would it be awkward? Probably not. This probably meant nothing though, right? Luhan had just meant to show him how nice a one night stand could be, had meant to indulge him.

For the first time, Jongdae couldn't just understand Chanyeol, but really _empathize_. That yesterday... had felt a bit _too_ nice. A bit too intimate. A bit like Jongdae wasn't sure he could act like this meant nothing at all.

His phone buzzed, and Jongdae remembered to check his messages. He had to scroll up a bit in the group chat to see that this week, he was going to be Chanyeol's love shuffle partner. Smiling, he shot him a text and then stepped out into the fresh air.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Chanyeol was acting weird, had been doing so since Jongdae had met up with him in the early afternoon to get a quick snack and then explore downtown. It was quite ironic - he'd been around Chanyeol so much the past week, but now that they were mock-dating, the other had suddenly turned awkward. His smile was a little strained, his laugh more stilted, and he was even more fidgety than usual, knocking things off shelves left and right. When he managed to actually break a weird-looking action figure and knocked even more out of the shelves as he tried to retrieve it, Jongdae decided to intervene.

"It's alright, hey - just wait outside, I'll fix this, okay?"

"But-" Chanyeol stammered, but Jongdae patted his shoulder and shot him a smile.

"Go and get us a snack? I'll be right back."

After putting everything back in order under the hawk-eyes of a grumpy store employee, Jongdae left the store to find a sheepish-looking Chanyeol waiting for him.

"There were only fried potato chips, and I didn't know which kind of topping you liked, and there was ice cream, but I wasn't sure you wanted something sweet, so-"

"Chanyeol," Jongdae interrupted the rambling, gesturing for him to come closer. With a slightly wary look, Chanyeol complied, leaning down a bit, biting his lip, and yelping when Jongdae suddenly smushed his cheeks together.

" _Relax_ ," he said, all dragged out and soft. "There's no need to be so tense. We've hung out before this. Let's just enjoy our time together and have fun, okay?"

Chanyeol numbly nodded, and then he bought Jongdae those fried potato goods.

 

It got better after that, much better, though Chanyeol took a bit of warming up. They visited a couple shops, and Jongdae showed him the puppy store Jongin had been so enamoured with - it turned out that Chanyeol was allergic to most animals that had hair, but that didn't stop him from loving them unconditionally. They went to a bookstore where Jongdae flipped through big photobooks and Chanyeol dragged him to the manga department. After that, he spontaneously decided to dye his hair, and they spent awhile finding a hairdresser that was still open.

"Which color should I dye it?"

Jongdae hummed in thought, looking at Chanyeol and quickly coming to the conclusion that whoever managed to pull off a tomato red could probably pull off every other color as well. When Jongdae said as much, Chanyeol pouted.

"But what kind of hair color do you think is cool?"

"Light pink?" Jongdae said, and then realized that he was basically suggesting he look more like Luhan, and he hadn't meant it like it that, not at all. Chanyeol grimaced a little.

"I mean. Light colors and mixed colors in general are really interesting," he hurriedly added. It was a bit weird, but it felt terribly wrong to compare Luhan and Chanyeol, and for some reason Jongdae felt... guilty? He didn't technically owe Chanyeol anything. They hadn't even been together when he had slept with Luhan, yet he felt this odd prick of guilt.

He shook it off when Chanyeol invaded his personal space with a big picture book of possible hairstyles he'd found _somewhere_ in the hairsalon, considering the strangest cuts and colors. And it was just something about Chanyeol, something in the way he got really excited and made everything look fun and interesting, that led to Jongdae ending up on the chair. When they finally left the salon, it was dark outside. In a coffee shop, Chanyeol took a photo of Jongdae, so he could send it to Luhan, accompanied by the caption ' _you gotta re-dye your hair now, there can only be one pink panther in town_ '.

They took a picture together, too, showing off Chanyeol's silver curls and Jongdae's subdued pink. Luhan replied with a selfie of himself looking petulant.

_\- I did it first, you back down! -  
_

The two spent the rest of the evening taking pictures of everything rose-colored they found and sending them to Luhan, telling him that he wasn't first, after all.

  
  


When Jongdae woke up the next day, he feared he might regret his impulsive decision. But a long look into the mirror reassured him that no, this was actually really refreshing and fun. He styled it carefully, chose an outfit that complimented the new color, and got a lot of positive feedback at work. Even Yifan and Zitao liked it, and those two would never lie to him regarding fashion - they prided themselves in having raised Jongdae's sense of fashion. Jongdae was ready to partially agree, though they already had oversized egos, and there was no need to inflate them even further. He left work early (irregular work hours be blessed) to meet up with Chanyeol and pay the national zoo a visit. It had been forever for Jongdae and apparently, Chanyeol couldn't remember it at all, with his last visit having been around the time he was a kindergartener. It led to him being extremely impressed and enthusiastic, and Jongdae, too, had a great time.   
  
They read all the signs about the animals, spent a long time in the birdhouse where Chanyeol tried to charm the freely-roaming, exotic birds he was blissfully not allergic to, and Jongdae just sat back watching him. It was really nice, everything about this. He was pretty sure that most of the people he had dated so far wouldn't have appreciated a visit to the zoo like this. With Chanyeol, there was no worrying about that - he found enjoyment and excitement in just about anything, even if he claimed to get bored of things quickly. He was ripped out of his thoughts when a bird suddenly flew off and away from the crouching Chanyeol, who needed help nursing his almost-heart attack. From big animals to the butterfly house, from fluffy little desert foxes to fishes - they studied everything, watched the animals, gave them voices, personalities and names. At some point, during one of their lunch breaks, Jongdae started making up an impromptu fashion line based on animals they had seen, and while Chanyeol very obviously lacked any knowledge on fashion, he didn't get bored - like Sehun would have - and tried to follow along. In turn, Jongdae promised to pay attention in his next music-lesson, which Chanyeol laughed off.   
  
There was a whole lot of laughter overall, and when they stood in between both their apartment doors hours later, Jongdae hesitated. It didn't feel right to just say good night after such a fantastic date. He could invite him over, but they had to get up early the next day, and Jongdae was definitely not planning on sleeping with him or anything. But a kiss would be appropriate, right? What if one of the others walked in on them? Before he could grasp Chanyeol's arm, the other had slipped away though, with a smile and a small wave.

"Sweet dreams, Jongdae!"

Jongdae still stood there, a bit dumbfounded, staring at the closed door. Again, before he could gather his wits, his phone vibrated. On his way inside the apartment, Jongdae checked the incoming message. It was from Luhan.

'Wanna meet up for lunch tomorrow? I found a good place.'

Jongdae hesitated. And then berated himself for hesitating. Yes, he was dating Chanyeol right now, but this was just a friendly meet up. No strings attached, just... lunch. It was entirely his fault if he interpreted anything wrongly. So he texted back, leaning against his door, still wearing his shoes and jacket.

_\- Where?_

_It better not be on the weird end of mandarin food -  
_

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Are you scared of break-ups?"

Yixing looked up from where he was petting Jjangu, the dog of Jongin's cousin. They were sitting by the Han river, taking a break from their long walk and enjoying the late afternoon sun.

"Not particularly," Yixing replied, tugging the dog into his lap and placing the open soda can a bit further away so it wouldn't spill. "I think falling out of love is much more scary than the actual breakup. Why are you asking this, so suddenly?"

"How can you not be afraid?" Jongin asked instead, holding on to his can of iced tea. "A part of your life just gets ripped out."

"If the relationship is going so bad that a breakup is needed, then it's probably better to try and accept that new reality," Yixing replied calmly, and with a sigh, Jongin tugged up his knees to his chest.

"I don't like my reality right now though," he whispered, but Yixing picked up on it.

"Why not?" he asked, scratching the tired and sleepy dog behind its ear. Jongin huffed and stared into the river.

"Because I'm alone. And unlike every other person, it drives me crazy, but I'm _so_ scared of being alone that I'm not even trying to get into a serious relationship. Isn't that ridiculous?"

Yixing kept patting the dog, but his attention was clearly on Jongin. He hummed in thought.

"What's so scary about being alone?" he asked gently.

Jongin laughed at this, a breathy, bitter laugh.

" _Everything_."

Yixing nodded, and had the next question ready.

"When do you stop being alone, then?"

At this, Jongin turned and mashed his left cheek against his knee to face him.

"What do you mean?"

"If I went home with you now, and slept over at your place, would that make you feel less alone?"

Jongin seemed flustered at the mere thought, which was adorable.

"It... it would be nice. But next Monday, you'd be gone."

"Say I stayed forever," Yixing began again, and his tone suggested that he was closer to Yixing the kindergartener right now. "but wouldn't ever touch you, not even for a greeting hug. Would that make you happy?"

Jongin earnestly thought about that.

"Would I be sure you'd stay with me?"

Yixing shrugged ever so slightly.

"Do you ever know that? Do you think it's more likely that people will stay if they're romantically or physically involved with you?"

This seemed to confuse Jongin even more.

"...kinda?" he finally asked more than stated, timid and unsure.

Yixing smiled softly and carefully held up the dog to hand it over to Jongin, who sat down properly to take the sleepy thing.

"You might want to think about that. Whether you need someone who sleeps with you, or someone who cuddles you and lends you an ear - or simply another voice in your apartment. There is no shame in any of them."

"What if I always want too much?" Jongin breathed out, cuddling the dog to his chest. "What if I'm like... like a parasite who needs to be an important part in other people's lives in order to be content?"

Yixing tilted his head as he considered that.

"Then that would mean you're not capable of existing on your own," he said slowly, clearly choosing his words with care. "And a parasite could never have a mutual, homogenous relationship with a human."

"So you think maybe I'm just not made to have relationships?" Jongin asked, and looked up when Yixing ruffled his hair, only to cup his cheek afterwards, wearing a kind smile.

"No. It means that right now, you feel helpless and lost, and like your most basic happiness has to be given to you. But in reality, you are the one who has all the pieces to build yourself up. If you build yourself your own, strong foundation, you won't crave the one from others. That way, you can support each other without one party suffering."

His palm wandered into the crook of his neck.

"Are you following?"

"You mean," Jongin began, eyes roaming the grass, "that towers would collapse if they tried to support each other if one of them is brittle? And... I'm brittle, right now."

Yixing smiled and leaned in to peck his cheek.

"Yes. But you have all the parts you need to fix that."

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jongin was talking about stones and foundations and towers, voice slurry and gaze a little unfocused. Jongdae found it adorable.

They were sitting in a nearly deserted bar that was dipped in tacky hues of blue and red light. Sehun and Chanyeol were sitting at a small table a few steps away from the bar, where Jongdae was sitting next to Minseok, who had invited them over. That is, he had posted an open invitation to the group chat and almost everyone showed up - except for Yixing and Kyungsoo. Baekhyun had left a while ago, too, and now it was just Jongdae and Minseok sipping on hard liquor, Sehun and Chanyeol nursing a beer... and Jongin being utterly wasted. It was a mystery as to why any of this had happened, with Jongin stating that he hated alcohol, and his whole face scrunching up at a sip of Jongdae's drink earlier.

"Why did you even get drunk if you hate alcohol so much?" Jongdae joked as he poked the koala clinging to his left arm.

"Because I wanted to feel happier!" Jongin said brightly, swaying a bit in the side hug.

"That's sad," Minseok commented, but Jongin wasn't deterred.

"To you maybe! But I'm not sad anymore!"

"You're hogging my date though," Chanyeol whined, and Jongdae craned his neck to see Chanyeol standing behind them, arms crossed and pout in place. Jongin stuck out his tongue.

"I dated him first!" he said, clinging even closer. "I call dibs."

Chanyeol actually puffed out his cheek - apparently, he was tipsy as well - and Jongdae wanted to coo and poke the air out it so much. Jongin swayed a bit more, almost falling off the chair and taking Jongdae down with him.

"I think. Bathroom. I'll be back," Jongin mumbled, getting to his feet. Chanyeol instinctively placed an arm around his shoulders to hold him up, exchanging a meaningful look with Jongdae.

"Chanyeol- I don't- I don't deserve you helping me," Jongin babbled, and Chanyeol just gently tugged him along.

"I was a terrible date to you, and I'm really sorry, I just-just- you know, the real reason I was like that was-"

Jongdae shook his head at the retreating two in fond exasperation.

"So alike and yet not alike at all," Minseok said with a similar expression, and Jongdae nodded, taking it as a prompt to clink glasses with Minseok to take a sip. Unlike the last times he'd gotten drunk, Jongdae still had a very clear idea of how many shots and cocktails or soju he'd had. The answer was 'enough to need to stop drinking as soon as possible'. Jongdae actually had a rather high alcohol tolerance, but after the last two messy drinking events that had ended with him jumping into bed with someone, Jongdae wanted to take it easy this time around.

"Hey, Jongdae?"

He perked up at the unusually mellow tone. Minseok was aimlessly swirling his drink around in the glass, making it steadily slosh along the glass walls.

"Do you think Kyungsoo will come back to me?"

Now this wasn't what he'd expected at all. A little unsure of how to approach this, Jongdae settled on a counter question.

"Hasn't he texted you since then?"

He didn't specify what exactly he meant by _since then_ , but Minseok knew. And he shook his head in response, expression perfectly blank.

"Kyungsoo is a bit like a cat, don't you think?"

Jongdae lifted the glass to his lips but stopped when he realized Minseok wasn't going to say more.

"What do you mean?" he asked carefully, and Minseok shrugged.

"You know... I just found myself hoping that one day I'd come home and find him sitting in my living room again, just like that. Like he belongs there, you know?"

Jongdae nodded even though he didn't know. His time with Kyungsoo hadn't felt anything like that.

"And maybe I should have waited a bit longer, but cats move on so easily, you know? Maybe I made a mistake by giving him the key last week. I should have been more patient."

Before Jongdae could say a word, Minseok placed the glass down and buried his face in his palm.

"This is... even on two long islands and soju, this still sucks," he mumbled in a very untypical fashion.

"What? Talking about this?" Jongdae asked, genuinely clueless in his tipsy state. Minseok shot him an almost petulant look.

"You're making this even harder for me, Dae," he said in a playfully exhausted manner, and then sighed, the sudden flare of childishness already seeping out of him again.

"This isn't like me," he sighed, sounding resigned and tired. "I'm better than this, usually. I don't know why I got so attached this time..."

Jongdae should be saying something, anything, but he was rather fascinated, seeing Minseok like this. Minseok, who was always perfect and had everything under control. Who would have thought that a calm, cynical and yet rational guy like Kyungsoo could throw him off guard like this?

Finally, he slid close enough to lean against Minseok.

"Be a little more patient," he suggested, holding his own glass around the rim as he swirled around the tiny remainder of soju inside. "Cats can be very stubborn, after all."

 

Jongdae was still thinking about that an hour later, when Sehun was waving him goodbye. Funny, how things played out at the end of the day. Cool, mature, smart Minseok and introverted, stubborn but loving Kyungsoo.

"I guess now it's back to being a date, right? A literal date night," Chanyeol chirped as he slid into the bench next to Jongdae. They had relocated to a table, but now it was just the two of them. Jongdae, who had downed another cocktail by now, smiled and slung an arm around Chanyeol, pulling him in closely.

"Ah, come here my poor, neglected boyfriend," he joked, and Chanyeol protested, but only verbally so. Jongdae was still tipsy, but in no way drunk. He had unfortunately passed the point where everything was hilarious, but he was still feeling nice and comfy. Fleetingly, he thought of texting Luhan, because the idea of falling asleep with Luhan's arm around his waist was the most tempting thing he could think of right now. But no, this wouldn't be right because for one, why would Luhan even want that? And for another he was dating Chanyeol.

"You're everyone's boyfriend, aren't you?" Chanyeol asked, half-jokingly. Clearly, he was tipsy as well.

"I try my best," Jongdae laughed, snuggling closer to undermine the point. Chanyeol turned sideways, enough to make the position more comfortable.

"So, do you like Jongin?" he asked, and Jongdae stared at him, tilting his head and squinting ever so slightly as his brain waited to catch up to all the given information.

"Huh?" he replied, intelligent as he was. "I mean. Sure, I like him. But we're not like _that_."

Chanyeol hummed, and yes, he really was tipsy, for he stayed thoughtfully silent after that. Apparently, Chanyeol was a quiet drunk. That was fine by Jongdae, it gave him more time to subtly draw away just enough to watch his side profile. His pretty features with his straight nose and soft cheeks, his tousled hair and plump lips that were pulled into a tipsy pout. An ambiguous thought had way too much time to develop in Jongdae's slightly foggy mind, and then he was poking Chanyeol's shoulder.

"Hey."

"Yeah?" Chanyeol asked and turned around, and that was when Jongdae's lips touched his. Just for a split second, sadly, because Chanyeol flinched back in surprise, and Jongdae refrained from chasing after him. With a smile that was nine parts genuine and one part bittersweet, he drew away.

"Wh-what? Why did you, why would you-" Chanyeol muttered, and Jongdae just chuckled.

"A kiss says more than sex, did you forget already? I wonder what that kiss said though," he joked, and suddenly, Chanyeol went wide-eyed.

"That didn't count though!" he protested. "We should try again. For real this time. I was just surprised."

Jongdae shook his head and even inched back a bit.

"Nu-uh, you don't get second chances, that's not how it works."

While Chanyeol complained about the world being unfair in general, Jongdae played along, but deep down, he was a tiny bit... disappointed. Still, he wasn't going to force Chanyeol into a kiss - or anything, for that matter. Apparently, this really charming and attractive person he got along so well with wasn't into casual physical affection. That was alright, not everyone could get as morally twisted by the shuffle game as him.

They didn't talk of it again and decided to go home shortly after. Jongdae didn't see it coming, but the moment the elevator had passed the first floor, Chanyeol was cupping his face and kissing him. He might have flinched back himself in that moment, but there was no telling; not with the gentle, but certain pressure Chanyeol applied. Jongdae kissed back almost embarrassingly eagerly, but this was so good, so perfect. Chanyeol's lips were warm, a little moist and the kiss was an intoxicating mix between soft and reassuring. It also vaguely reminded him of the fact that this person who had slept with his face buried in Jongdae's chest just a few days ago was actually way, way taller than him. Neither of them made an attempt to deepen the kiss, despite Chanyeol surely trying to prove how good of a first kiss he could offer. Instead, he ended it with a lasting kiss square on Jongdae's lips, breaking contact so slowly that Jongdae felt the friction leaving with every millimeter Chanyeol moved away. When Jongdae's eyes slowly fluttered open, the elevator doors opened, but neither of them had moved. Chanyeol looked a little hazy and almost awed. Jongdae wondered whether it mirrored the look on his own face.

They just looked at each other, and Jongdae wasn't sure what to say, wasn't even sure what he was thinking right now. This time, Chanyeol didn't forcibly smile. He awkwardly ducked his head, muttered a small 'goodnight' and turned on his heels to leave first. Jongdae only moved when the echo of a closing apartment door had faded.

 

 

* * *

  
  


The next day, during breakfast and on his way to work, at lunch and then after that, Jongdae weakly tried to convince himself that he was not thinking about the previous night. Except he kind of was. He wasn't even sure what his brain wanted from him, what it was trying to tell him.

That kiss was nice.

 _Chanyeol_ was nice. Everything was fun with him around.

There was always this little 'but' though. But... he's not interested in you, he just did that to prove himself. Chanyeol might have way more experience in bed than Jongdae, but he was also a little more pure and shy, and maybe Jongdae was a terrible person for springing that kiss on him. Then again he had slept with Yixing. Then again, again, he had also been _totally enamoured_ by Yixing.

And then there was the message he was currently looking at. Of Luhan asking if he was free for lunch again. And saying he was looking forward to the shuffle game ending so he would stop feeling like he was constantly interrupting a date with his mere presence.

They'd been texting quite frequently after that night. And today Jongdae was starting to doubt whether he was interpreting the situation right. It felt a bit presumptuous, but Luhan was really invested in talking and seeing him. The last time they had met up, he had sort of put an arm around his waist as they talked, too. Maybe Jongdae was an idiot for _not_ thinking anything into it. And he didn't mind any of that, really. Being with Luhan was really grounding and felt good - though he still got very flustered looking at him sometimes, thanks to the vivid memories of their night spent together. Was this how people started relationships, maybe? They just casually slipped into them, they just happened?

All in all, Jongdae was a bit confused about everything in general.

After a long day of work he came to the conclusion that coming up with conclusions all on your own was always a bad thing. He was probably reading too much into Chanyeol. He wasn't entirely sure about Luhan and decided to talk to him about this - despite the obvious risk of making a fool out of himself.

 

He still met up with Chanyeol after work, and they went to eat ridiculously colored ice cream, and on Friday, they ate breakfast together and spent the evening composing music together (though Jongdae mostly watched and acted as a test-listener). It was pleasant and nice, they were getting along well, but there was no repeat of the kiss. In fact, Chanyeol didn't initiate any form of skinship, though he didn't back away when Jongdae did. Not that Jongdae was trying to make him uncomfortable. He kind of really wanted a second kiss, but that was out of question, apparently.

That evening, Jongdae asked Luhan whether he was free to meet up the next day. The other offered to stop by his place with some food, and Jongdae declined under the flimsy excuse of them cooking something together. If this ended awkwardly, he didn't want to have two boxes of hot chicken added to the situation. That evening in the shower, he was struck by a sudden thought though. What if Luhan _did_ want a relationship with him?

 

That night, Jongdae found it hard to fall asleep.

  
  


* * *

  
  


In retrospect, Jongdae had been quite stupid. It was an ironic, almost iconic mismanagement Yifan and Zitao would judge him forever for.

Luhan showed up at five in the afternoon on Saturday, just like they had planned, and Jongdae had rehearsed a ton of phrases he might use later, and tried to deal with the nervous feeling by _actually_ preparing food, trying to imitate and use the basic tips he'd learnt from Kyungsoo. The result was probably slightly questionable, but he stored it in the fridge for eventual later consumption, anyway.

 

So when Luhan arrived, Jongdae had almost stopped being a mess. It all came back quickly enough when Luhan greeted him, looking genuinely happy to be invited.

"Are you hungry already? We can still order takeout if whatever we're trying to cook ends in a disaster," he said as they made their way to the living room.

"Rude and uncalled for. For your information, I got cooking lessons from my shuffle partner last week."

"The small goth guy?" Luhan asked as he made himself comfortable on the couch. Even in his casual clothes and now simple, brown hair, he looked too perfect for Jongdae's simple apartment. Jongdae snorted.

"He'll cut you."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," Luhan agreed readily, and Jongdae playfully kicked his leg before going to get a glass of water for both of them. He could use it, that much was sure. Okay. He could do this.

He returned with the water and Luhan immediately launched into retelling what happened at work that day. Jongdae didn't even have a chance - he'd missed the one second where he should have interrupted immediately, and then the conversation just kept going, as it usually did between them. Now Jongdae was listening, laughing, contributing and desperately waiting for an opening to _get to the point_ already. Eventually, he couldn't keep it in any longer.

"And then there are these moments when-"

"Luhan," Jongdae cut him off, voice loud and clear. The other stopped immediately and shot him a questioning look.

"Am I talking too much?"

Jongdae swallowed and pushed through because there was no going back now.

"That one night stand last week - did it _mean_ anything?" he burst out, fingers subtly digging into his thighs. "I'm just... making sure here," he added, a little weaker.

Luhan didn't laugh at him. He stayed perfectly calm, too, as he fixed Jongdae with an unreadable expression.

"Do you want it to mean anything?"

There was no pressure behind his words, no disgust or hopefulness, just mild curiosity, and Jongdae just stared at him.

"If you want it to, it could," he added.

Jongdae opened his mouth when loud knocking filled the apartment.

He looked over at the door and hesitated. Luhan nodded towards it.

"You should go see who's there," he said, completely casual and laid-back. Jongdae nodded and as he walked to the door, he thought of how undramatic and simple everything was with Luhan.

When he opened the door, he was not expecting to see Chanyeol standing there, eyes suspiciously red once more. He was forcing himself to smile though.

"Hey. Can I talk to you real quick? It won't be long."

Jongdae wanted to immediately let him in, hug him and ask what happened, but something about the atmosphere told him that it wasn't his place this time. He glanced over his shoulder at a curious-looking Luhan, and Chanyeol followed his gaze.

"Uhm. I've got someone over right now, so-"

"It's okay. I don't mind," Chanyeol said quickly, waving his hands in dismissal. "It will be real quick and then I'll leave again, promise."

Jongdae shared a look with Luhan, who shrugged in a 'why not' type of gesture, and Jongdae stepped aside to let him in. Jongdae walked towards the couch, but Chanyeol started talking before he could reach it.

"Can you tell me that you're not interested in me?"

Jongdae turned around, not sure he heard this right.

"Pardon?" he asked, and Chanyeol bit his lip and looked up at him, glanced at Luhan and then dropped his gaze to the carpet again.

"I know that you and him hit it off, and I know this is all just a stupid dating game," he began, shoulders drawn up tight and voice tripping over the words in a hurry to get it over with. "But still. I'm an idiot, and I keep getting my hopes up. Just- just please, tell me that you're not interested in me _at all_. Please. Be honest."

Jongdae blinked. Parted his lips.

And hesitated.

One second of silence stretched into two and his mind was wiped blank.

He was hesitating. Because lies never slipped off his tongue naturally. The realization hit him like a punch in the stomach, squeezing the air out of his lungs. He couldn't say that he was _not_ interested in Chanyeol.

Luhan looked at him from the couch, confused and slightly hurt, while Chanyeol's head shot up and he mustered a look at him with genuine shock.

Jongdae lifted his fingers to his mouth, completely shell-shocked.

He had hesitated.

The damage was done. There was nothing to make this right now, it was too late for a quick lie.

He wasn't saying anything, and seconds were ticking by but there was nothing coming to mind. He didn't dare to move at all.

Chanyeol was blinking, looking almost as shocked as him, but unlike Jongdae, he found his voice eventually.

"Oh. I'm... sorry," he said slowly, looking at Luhan. Jongdae was afraid to follow his gaze.

With this, Chanyeol just turned around and left. Jongdae didn't look after him. He was staring at a corner of the table, trying to process what he'd done. He heard Luhan getting to his feet, felt a fingertip on his shoulder before he decided otherwise.

"Hey," he said quietly, and Jongdae felt his eyes burning a bit as he forced himself to look up. Luhan was shooting him a crooked, slightly sad smile.

"Should I leave you alone for a bit?"

Wordlessly, Jongdae nodded. He didn't trust his voice, but managed a croaky "Thanks," just when Luhan was opening the door. He dismissed it with a shake of his head and waved him goodbye. Then the door closed, and Jongdae was left alone, wondering what had he done.

 

That night, Jongdae wasn't sure whether he even fell asleep at all.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jongdae wasn't planning on getting out of bed.

All night he'd been thinking, blaming himself, and maybe even crying a bit in between hazy naps. Because he just didn't know anymore. Luhan had offered him a relationship, and Chanyeol had confessed. And Jongdae? He didn't know what he wanted, couldn't give a clear yes or no to either of them, no matter how long he tried to convince himself of one or the other. He could never accept one person and reject the other with half-assed intentions. He could never tell Luhan he liked him back with a clear conscience if Chanyeol was lingering in the back of his mind. It wouldn't be _right_.

But he liked them both. He didn't like one more than the other, though he did like them in different ways. He didn't know what to do and when he woke up on Sunday morning, he felt like shit. He didn't want to look at his phone, he didn't want to risk meeting any of his neighbours, he just wanted to stay inside all day. So that's what he did. The whole day was spent watching series, halfheartedly cleaning, wasting time online, checking fashion websites and aimlessly scrolling through slideshows or runways. The whole time the conflict was there, waiting with crossed arms and an unimpressed look, and whenever Jongdae started thinking about it - which was basically all the time, really - he wouldn't be any wiser afterwards. The day passed by like that and Jongdae still had trouble sleeping, his mind constantly trying to argue for or against Luhan and Chanyeol, and he dreaded going to work the next day.

All the nightly brooding still failed to help him find a conclusion at all, and when someone knocked at his door early in the morning, Jongdae was awoken by a fresh wave of _guilt_. It was followed by the determination to ignore whoever it was. The knocking returned, more insistently, and with a small groan, Jongdae stuck one arm out of his blanket cocoon and flailed it around until he got a hold of his phone. It wasn't even seven. His head dropped back into the blankets. Who would possibly be at his door at this time of the day? A drunk Chanyeol? An angry Luhan?

The knocking didn't stop though - it didn't get more aggressive, but definitely impatient, almost poignant and accusing. How someone managed to convey that via knocking remained a mystery, but Jongdae eventually gave up and padded to the door, aware that he was a mess from head to toe. He definitely did not expect to see Baekhyun waiting for him, looking quite chipper and holding a small bag of fresh bread rolls. Jongdae blinked.

"Finally," Baekhyun said with well-placed exasperation, pushing past Jongdae without so much as a 'good morning'. "How dare you ignore your amazing boyfriend for almost 24 hours. I am insulted."

"Oh," Jongdae said blankly, dumbly watching as Baekhyun got rid of his shoes and went straight for the kitchen table to drop the food and roam the shelves for plates like he lived there.

"Oh is all he says, wow. You know," Baekhyun began, looking over his shoulder to give him a meaningful once-over, "you kinda look like shit."

"Uhm. Thanks for noticing," Jongdae replied, trying to look unimpressed, but unfortunately, he was right.

"I give up, where did you hide the knives? You do eat, do you?"

Jongdae sighed and moved over to help him set the table.

"It's the last love shuffle round for real, we should make the most of it," Baekhyun chirped as he smeared some honey on his bread a while later. Jongdae half-heartedly put together a sandwich, glancing up at him.

"If this is you trying to get into my pants-"

"You're not even wearing pants right now," Baekhyun interrupted him, but he quickly lost interest in actually teasing him. "Nah man, sad sex is no fun. I don't think I'm in the position to give you comfort sex, anyway."

Jongdae just yawned and took a bite of his sandwich.

"But maybe there's someone else who can?" Baekhyun asked, sounding downright _sleazy_. Jongdae stared him down as he chewed on his food and swallowed.

"What are you getting at?" Jongdae asked suspiciously.

Baekhyun leaned back, innocently nibbling on his food.

"Nothing?"

"Baekhyun, I didn't get a lot of sleep," Jongdae said, suppressing a yawn at the mere mention, "and I feel just about the way I look. Please."

"You're no fun, but fine," Baekhyun began, putting down his bread roll. He actually turned serious for a moment.

"Chanyeol confessed to you, didn't he? And now you're hesitating for some self-deprecating reason to make both of you suffer a little longer?"

"I don't know why you know about this, but also, you're wrong," Jongdae replied nonchalantly and went back to his food.

"What? How?" Baekhyun asked, but Jongdae kept eating, which was the best way to drive Bakehyun nuts.

"Why? Jongdae why? Don't tell me you rejected him? Come on."

He left him to struggle a bit more before he gulped down his orange juice and finally replied.

"Have you ever liked two people at once?" he asked bluntly, and Baekhyun snorted out a disbelieving "What?", making Jongdae regret his words already. Then again, there wasn't anyone to ask other than Baekhyun. Fine, maybe Chanyeol, but he was kinda out of the picture in this case.

"Have you?" Jongdae just repeated, and Baekhyun leaned back in his chair, thinking about it.

"Well. I sometimes had the hots for multiple people at once, I guess?" he said, shrugging. "Usually I got them both, though, at the same time if I was lucky."

Jongdae made a face, but Baekhyun just kept going.

"I mean, that's easy as long as commitment doesn't get in the way. But I'm assuming you're talking more about feelings than boners here. And that's a little more..." he trailed off, voice traveling higher as he roamed his memory. "Maybe one time? Like, crushing on two people with all the butterflies and whatnot... that happened before. But I just waited it out to see whom I'd settle on. Gives you options, so that's nice."

"Don't call them options," Jongdae unhappily mumbled, and Baekhyun lifted his hands in defense.

"Hey, I never said they liked me back! Though I can see how you'd assume that. But for your information, they didn't. So I had all the time in the world to make up my mind."

"What if I don't have that time?" Jongdae asked, shifting the plate aside to tiredly slump over, burying his head in his arms.

"Then... you should think about who you'd want to hurt the least? And I know I'm pretty biased here, but Chanyeol is cute. Just saying."

"I don't want to hurt anyone at all," Jongdae protested, and he heard Baekhyun sigh.

"That might get hard... In this situation, someone is bound to get hurt right? Even if it's ' _just_ ' yourself," he said, making air quotes.

Jongdae sighed, too, and then his vision blurred and Baekhyun woke him up with a pat on the back awhile later, before he left for work.

"Don't be late for work. Hit me up when you feel like it, no pressure."

"Thanks,” Jongdae mumbled, giving Baekhyun a sleepy hug.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"Are you serious?" Kyungsoo asked, but Chanyeol only clung onto him tighter. It was uncomfortable, trying to sit on his couch with Chanyeol hanging around his waist like a child that was easily three times too tall for this.

"Sehun said that you're an amazing snuggle buddie - why am I not allowed?" he whined somewhere into Kyungsoo's side, and it tickled.

"Maybe he charmed me first. Or at least bought me a coffee," Kyungsoo said flatly, and Chanyeol nuzzled into his side to get comfy.

"As if. There are many words to describe Sehun, but I wouldn't list 'charming' as one. Also he's stingy as fuck."

"Oh, the amount of love you have for your friend," Kyungsoo said with an eyeroll, but lifted his arm to place it around Chanyeol's shoulders and back, so the other could tuck himself in properly.

"You always reap what you sow," Chanyeol yawned, and Kyungsoo hummed. To be honest, he had been quite awkward in regards to skinship with Chanyeol, but now, things were a little different than when the game started out. Because Chanyeol was really attractive in his own right, and Kyungsoo had tried to stay away from any possible source of misery, but now, he was focused on someone else already. And apparently, so was Chanyeol.

"I made a big mess, Kyungsoo. I ruined things between Jongdae and me, and he hasn't been talking to me since."

Kyungsoo absently tapped his fingers along Chanyeol's back.

"What did you do? Did you hurt him?" he asked, sounding reprimanding in advance. Chanyeol shook his head though.

"I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut and confessed, and I think Jongdae was too nice to let me down? But also the way he reacted gave me even more stupid hope. _But_ ," he added, barely taking time to breathe in between, "Jongdae already has someone, and I ruined things between them, and I kind of just. Ruined everything. Why am I like this?"

"He does?" Kyungsoo asked, immediately thinking of the pretty model Jongdae had left with last week. That was... an ugly situation.

"He knows you better though, right? He hasn't known that model guy for long, has he?" Kyungsoo asked further, and Chanyeol made a disagreeing noise in the back of his throat.

"I don't know, but he's a cool guy. I'm not mad at him, at either of them. They'd probably be happily together if only I had kept my mouth shut. But no, I had to be selfish."

"It was the right thing to do," Kyungsoo protested calmly.

"You think so?" Chanyeol asked, ridiculously hopefully. Kyungsoo patted his back comfortingly.

"You said he was giving you hope, so you wanted clarity. If things are unclear, they quickly get messy. It's good to get misunderstandings out of the way as soon as possible. You know..." he trailed off, leaning back against the headrest with a thoughtful expression.

"I think Jongin and I only stayed together for so long because we argued quite a bit. Not all the time, of course, but when something was amiss or someone was unhappy in any way, we'd speak up about that. Sometimes, it would lead to a fight, because it's not easy to work out certain issues. But knowing where you stand is incredibly important, so don't feel bad."

He looked down at Chanyeol, who had wriggled himself into a position that allowed him to look up at him with attentive eyes, soaking up any information he could possibly get.

"You're just as important a piece of the grand scheme of things as every other person is. If you want to see things from another angle or maybe even change them, it's okay to set them in motion first, see how they operate."

 

Chanyeol hummed, long and dragged out, as if he was contemplating that. Then he blinked up at Kyungsoo.

 

"When are _you_ gonna set things in motion, then?"

 

Kyungsoo didn't have an answer this time.

 

* * *

  
  


Jongdae spent the following days working, and spent his free time with Baekhyun, which was way less taxing than he thought it would be. On Monday evening, Baekhyun already offered him a cup of tea in his own apartment. On Wednesday, he brought a few snacks and drinks over that he was convinced were missing in Jongdae's fridge. He could totally imagine Baekhyun to be the type to sneakily move in with you until suddenly, most of the clothes in the washing machine are not your own anymore (and those that are yours mysteriously end up in Baekhyun's wardrobe instead). Overall, he was pleasant company, and didn't ever bring up Chanyeol again, or pressure him for more details. It probably had something to do with the fact that he didn't want to hear any questions in turn, and Jongdae was absolutely alright with that. It was Thursday when Baekhyun decided that suddenly, he had enough of that.

" _So_ ," he said, slamming his palms on the kitchen table and startling Jongdae into almost dropping their frozen dinner (because really, they'd had a long day at work and weren't in the mood to fight another pointless battle). "A little birdie told me you're great at giving advice?"

"Uhm. If you... say so?" Jongdae said very carefully, warily glancing at Baekhyun as he placed the baked fish and sweet potato fries in the oven.

"Okay, so I told myself to try talking to Yixing by the end of this week since the whole game will be over. You probably got wind of the whole mess that happened."

"Uhm. Yixing was unhappy about the game as a whole and then got back at you by hurting Chanyeol?" Jongdae asked, still a little sour over the fact that Yixing would do that. The next time he saw him, he'd definitely talk to him about that. Baekhyun nodded, making vague gestures and grimacing.

"Yeah, that's about right, though I should mention again that I am kind of guilty, fucking around like that."

"Oh, I never said you weren't," Jongdae cut him off without missing a beat.

"You've been hanging around with Kyungsoo too much," Baekhyun complained, but then crossed his arms and actually got serious - because unlike Jongdae, who was full of jokes especially in serious situations, Baekhyun had this little switch he'd pull in the rare times of desperate need.

"Do you have any advice for me? Yixing liked you a lot, as far as I could tell."

"How does that correlate to me giving good advice?" Jongdae asked, and Baekhyun didn't hesitate.

"If Xing likes you, you're a good person. The only time Yixing's judgement was off was when he met me. So tell me, what would a good person like you do in my situation?"

Jongdae placed his forearms on the counter, vaguely taking in the flickering of the TV in the living room.

"Uhm... so if I were you," he began, thinking hard in order to get all the pieces together. "I'd be in a longterm relationship, but secretly wish it was more open. So instead of telling him, I'd come up with this elaborate game, and he'd agree. I'd realize way too late that he was hurt by this all along and now he's mad at me. I guess... the obvious answer would be to apologize?" Jongdae ended helplessly. It was an almost absurd situation to place himself in.

"But is an apology really enough?" Baekhyun asked, and Jongdae tilted his head from left to right, making thoughtful noises.

"Can you ever offer more than a sincere apology?" he asked aloud. "Any more would be you promising to never do that again... and then you'd get frustrated again and everything would be back to square one. You know," he said as he came to a conclusion, "if I were you, I'd go to Yixing and apologize, explain why this happened and make him understand that what you wanted has nothing to do with how much you value him?"

"I don't want an open relationship though," Baekhyun protested, sounding unusually small. "Sex is fun and stuff, but I only wanna be in a relationship with Yixing."

Jongdae smiled at that.

"That's the spirit. I'm pretty sure that's the most important thing, anyway. You'll be able to figure out the rest, as long as you're on the same page in that regard. You know..." he trailed off, standing up straight to pull a bag of grapes out of the fridge and prepare them as he continued. "Yixing is a pretty cool guy. He is smart, very faithful and strong-willed. And you have a firm place in his heart."

He looked over his shoulder as he rinsed the grapes under cold water.

"You should have some faith in him."

Baekhyun argued how he did have faith in him, rambled about Jongdae stealing his boyfriend and put on various other dramatic acts to distract from the fact that he was feeling vulnerable right now. Jongdae flicked water at him and played along, somehow making a decision for himself. If he was giving out advice so generously, he should solve his own problems first. He'd had enough time to think and come up with a conclusion by now. So he texted both Luhan and Chanyeol awhile later, suggesting the three of them meet up as soon as possible, to talk.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was Friday evening - seven o'clock, to be exact - when Jongdae found himself sitting on a stool he had dragged from his work room to the living room, just so he could sit across the two guys on his couch, who were both attentively looking at him. Luhan looked cautiously expectant while Chanyeol looked like he'd start shaking from anxiety at any moment. Well, Jongdae could second that. Though he was mostly feeling miserable. He inhaled deeply.

"So... I'm sorry it took so long to get my shit together," he started, rubbing his hands on his thighs, "something like this seriously never happened to me before and- I like you, both of you. I didn't want to hurt you, but me not opening my mouth just made it worse..."

"It really didn't," Luhan said, shaking his head like this was not that big of a deal at all. "It would have been worse if you'd said something you regretted afterwards."

Luhan always made everything look so easy; it was incredibly reassuring. Chanyeol looked like a nervous wreck while Luhan stayed perfectly calm, and yet Jongdae had no doubt that Luhan was serious about him. He was just so... relaxed. Not yet so invested that a rejection would break his heart, but perfectly willing to see where they could go. Chanyeol, on the other hand, would probably not take a rejection very well.

Jongdae licked his lips and willed himself to keep going, eyes flitting between both of them.

"Yeah, so I've thought about this a lot, and I'm really flattered that both of you would want to be with me, and I'm really sorry that I led you on like this - I had no bad intentions, that's all I can say at this point."

Chanyeol silently shook his head, indicating that it was alright. Jongdae was sure his fingertips were turning white against his jeans.

"And because you don't deserve to be treated like this, I don't deserve either of you. I can't favour one of you over the other. I can't. I'm sorry."

Because if someone was bound to get hurt, Jongdae could only try and take most of it, or at least have all of them suffer equally.

Luhan tilted his head at this, trying to follow his thought process.

"So you're saying that you'll reject us both, because you can't pick?" he asked slowly, and it sounded awful, like Jongdae was a haughty prince choosing between lowly suitors. Jongdae lowered his gaze, missing the way the other two exchanged a look.

"I like you both, you're amazing and I'm sorry-"

"Okay, but Jongdae, hey," Luhan interrupted his rambles, and Jongdae obediently looked up despite his reddened eyes, because they deserved that much. Luhan was actually smiling, not looking angry at all. Chanyeol hadn't started crying yet, either. His smile was weak, but it had an instantly soothing effect on him.

"If you just can't pick, maybe we can help you," Luhan suggested.

Confusion took over, and Jongdae shot him a wary look.

"What? How?"

Luhan's smile grew a little wider.

"Easy. Just sit back and watch, and think of whom you are more envious."

Before Jongdae could even question those vague instructions, Luhan had turned towards Chanyeol, placed a hand in his neck and quickly, almost aggressively pressed their lips together. Chanyeol made an unhappy, startled sound in the back of his throat, hands gripping Luhan's upper arms. Jongdae was about to jump up and separate them, when Luhan also made a small sound reminiscent of pain rather than pleasure, and by the way his arm flinched it must have been because of Chanyeol’s fingers clawing into it. After that, they both loosened up, Jongdae could see their muscles relaxing, could see Chanyeol's hands go from clawing to holding, and Luhan's from pushing to carding his fingers through Chanyeol's hair. But mostly, he could see them kissing, and they kissed like they meant it. It was very odd seeing what they looked like when kissing, especially considering that he knew what it felt like. It was also a terrible, terrible turn on to see the competitive edge bleeding out of Luhan, to see Chanyeol move his lips so languidly, and god, Jongdae felt where this was going, shifting his legs a little. Jongdae's eyes were glued to them, mind completed wiped blank as Luhan's tongue darted out and Chanyeol followed as if he'd been waiting for that. There was a sigh and a tiny groan, and Jongdae couldn't even be perfectly sure that it hadn't been _him_ making any of those sounds. This was torture and he was about to beg them to stop because it messed up everything in his head, when Luhan drew away, making a show of biting Chanyeol's bottom lip and tugging. Chanyeol rubbed his now slick lips against each other with a petulant stare while Luhan smacked his so merrily that the situation seemed almost absurd to Jongdae.

"So," Luhan said, turning to him, and only his slightly darker eyes indicated that this had actually happened. Oh, and the sudden tightness of his pants, Jongdae mentally noted, his inner voice a bit hysterical.

"Did that help you?"

Jongdae stared at him. Chanyeol gave him a once over, eyes lingering down where-

"Actually it did not," Jongdae said firmly, squirming and placing his hands in his lap. "This kind of really made it worse," he added in an involuntarily high-pitched voice.

Luhan's eyes flitted down to the position of Jongdae's hands and then he snorted. Just like that, as if the situation wasn't bizarre enough already. Or maybe that was the whole reason Luhan couldn't bite back his grin now.

"I told you this was a stupid idea," Chanyeol whined, hiding his face in his hands, and _oh man, that was adorable_ , Jongdae thought. Luhan was still trying to suppress his laughter; his shoulders were shaking.

"Ah, we're all idiots," he said in between huffing for air, and Chanyeol blindly slapped him with one hand.

" _You_ are an idiot, this was all your idea!" he complained pitifully. "This never even make sense since you'd just look at whoever you think is hotter, that has nothing to do with actual relationships!"

Luhan wouldn't have it and playfully dodged the badly executed attack.

"Nuh-uh, what about the whole _a kiss says more than sex_ thing?"

Chanyeol's head whipped up to stare at Luhan with wide eyes, red already crawling up his ears.

"What?" he asked, voice cracking at the single syllable - and Jongdae could relate to that syllable, because what was going on? Luhan was still chuckling, highly amused by Chanyeol's scandalized reaction.

"Not us," he said. "It's because you'll want to put yourself in the position of the kiss you wanna receive!"

"But I didn't!" Jongdae almost yelled, and the two finally paid him their full attention. "I didn't... put myself in any position," Jongdae trailed off, having lost steam already. "I just. I wasn't lying when I said I like you both. I'm sorry, but-"

"Then date us both," Chanyeol said earnestly, high on nerves and hormones. Jongdae felt like someone had pulled out the rug from under his feet. He couldn't be serious.

"What?"

"Why not?" Chanyeol asked instead. "Luhan and I talked about this and- and if you can't choose but you say you like us, then you can date both of us. Like, maybe it's gonna end in a disaster-"

He yelped when Luhan nudged his ribs, mumbling ' _way to be optimistic_ ,' and Chanyeol childishly nudged back before he continued.

"-but we could try and see where it goes?"

Jongdae was seriously dumbstruck by all of this. He had never even considered that to be an option.

"Are you for real?"

They both nodded, seeming way too nonchalant now.

"You two would be okay with me dating both of you?" Jongdae said slowly, trying to make sure he really got this right.

"Yeah. If you'll have us," Luhan said, and Jongdae threw up his hands, in helpless exasperation.

" _If you'll have me?_ That's not how it works, you- you two, just."

He gave up on the trainwreck of a sentence and inhaled deeply. Once. Twice.

"Are you really serious about this?" he asked again, calmer this time. They both nodded. Jongdae tried his best to process all this.

"But what about you two?" he then asked, and they both made a questioning sound. Jongdae vaguely gestured between them.

"Are you both together with me, are you two together as well?" he asked carefully.

Luhan looked a bit surprised at this, while Chanyeol's expression openly let on that he had considered this question already.

"I... don't think so?" Luhan said, actually looking at Chanyeol in question, as if the two could come up with an answer to this on the spot. Chanyeol just shrugged.

"We don't know each other that well yet," he said evasively, and Jongdae looked at the two, at the way they interacted and tried to imagine what this could look like.

"If we do this, I don't want to date _you_ and then date _you_ , I'd-" he began, trying to muster up the right words that wouldn't be misunderstood, "I'd rather date both of you. So if you two don't get along well, that would be bad in the long run."

He felt a bit arrogant, making demands like this, but if he didn't speak his mind now, it might come back at him later. Just like how Baekhyun had kept silent about the wrong things and now had to pay the price.

Chanyeol and Luhan looked at each other, and despite the bickering earlier, there was not a tinge of dislike or disgust to be found when Luhan grasped Chanyeol's hand. Jongdae watched them closely, and suddenly, he was reminded of something he had said himself, just a few days ago. A piece of advice that he had acquired over the past few weeks, by meeting and getting to know so many people and their individual worldviews. Maybe it was time to try and live by that.

 

"If we all know what we want, that's the most important thing," he said slowly, trying to piece together what he had said back then, "so if we agree on that level, we can figure out the rest from there?"

"We can talk and discuss until we feel safe about this," Luhan said immediately. "If this does not work, we can still stop, there is no one forcing us to do anything. We're just three dudes trying something unusual."

"As unusual as a love shuffle?" Chanyeol asked, a shy joke that Luhan encouraged with a grin.

"Less than that. So I guess we're good," he hummed. Jongdae already felt secure with the way the two took this.

"Alright," he said. "It seems difficult but... let's give it our best shot?"

Chanyeol replied with a happy "Yes!", and Luhan gestured for Jongdae to join them on the couch. He was immediately enveloped in a messy group hug, and it was so weird and different and amazing.

"So can we kiss now or what?" Luhan asked, and Jongdae felt Chanyeol whining against the skin of his neck.

"I should be first, you clearly kissed him a lot already!"

"Oh, but you were last, so I guess it's my turn now-"

"Not fair-"

"You know," Jongdae cut them off, even though it was a bit hard to breathe right now, for multiple reasons, "you two had such few interactions, technically _your_ second kiss is due already."

The two stopped bickering after that, and patiently waited until Jongdae had thoroughly kissed them both. It could be considered cheating, but Chanyeol's shuffle partner Kyungsoo obviously encouraged this. And Baekhyun... well, Jongdae dared him to complain.

 

 

And like this, the turbulent game Baekhyun had dubbed Love Shuffle came to an end, after six weeks.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was late on Wednesday, three days after they stopped shuffling partners, when Baekhyun was back to lying under his respective lover. He was trembling, almost shaking, and a part of him wanted to cry.

"I missed you," he breathed out, feeling the wetness in the corner of his eyes. Yixing was smiling, but there was an edge to it.

"Yeah?" he asked softly, twisting his fingers and stretching Baekhyun open even further, who yelped and thrashed, and was swiftly held in place so he wouldn't hurt himself.

"Yes- you're- you're better than anyone could ever be to me," Baekhyun whispered, and Yixing stilled at that, looking surprised and touched, because Baekhyun never babbled sentimentalities during sex. He showed his gratitude in a warm, lasting kiss and the fact that he didn't forget about his fingers as he did so, careful to give him a less-torturous, buzzing type of pleasure.

"You know," Yixing hummed as he kept teasing, rubbing Baekhyun in a way that he knew drove him insane, and the tiny, breathy whimpers served as a confirmation that he was succeeding. "I was thinking that we might invite Sehun over one day. But there's no point in that then, is there?"

"No," Baekhyun said almost feverishly as he arched up, seeking more skin contact, "no, please, I want still want that, please Yixing-"

Baekhyun knew that Yixing wasn't going to call Sehun over any time soon. He also knew that Yixing wouldn't drop the idea and was just toying with him.

"You would like that?" Yixing asked softly, and Baekhyun nodded, moaning. "What exactly would you like about that, hm?"

It was hard for Baekhyun to talk, Yixing made sure of that. He also made sure that he himself _did_ talk though, and listened to his lover's slurred, filthy fantasies. This was still new to him, to both of them, but they had decided to try it, and to do it right this time. At the end of the day, Yixing wanted Baekhyun to be happy, and if this was so important to him, then he would give it a shot. He used to think this would go against all of his values regarding a relationship, but he could already feel his views adjusting, albeit slowly. The way Baekhyun had all but begged for forgiveness surely played a part in all of it. Because Baekhyun had realized that this had been the worst possible way to try and force Yixing into something he was skeptical about, when he pushed him into the deep end. No, they would do this right, at a pace they were both comfortable with, meaning that it was all set by Yixing at this point. It was still a strange concept to him that his boyfriend was gaining pleasure from this, but he was willing to try and understand.

Because back during that orgy, a week ago and even right this moment, Baekhyun's _heart_ belonged to him alone, and he knew that for sure now.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was a rainy Thursday night, over two weeks since they had all met up and officially announced the Love Shuffle was over. It was only ten, and Minseok had the next day off, so he wasn't even sure what to do with the unusual amount of free time. He was about to settle in bed with a book when the door rang. Minseok wasn't expecting anyone, but it could be urgent, considering the time. When he opened the door to be faced with dark, imploring eyes, though, he froze. It was Kyungsoo, wearing a drenched raincoat and an unreadable look that was just so fascinating.

Minseok tilted his head, playing off his shock coolly.

"Why didn't you use the key?" he asked, and Kyungsoo's eyes flit down to where he'd balled his right hand into a fist. Minseok had a good idea of what he was holding on to.

"I didn't know whether it would be alright," Kyungsoo said clearly, albeit quietly, eyes lowered to the ground.

Minseok stepped aside to let him in.

"Of course it would be. I gave it to you, after all," he said nonchalantly, just a tad more quiet than usual.

Kyungsoo looked at him, looked like he was scraping up determination and maybe he was. Minseok held his breath, hoped that this wasn't visible, and then Kyungsoo ducked his head a little and stepped in.

Minseok relaxed and softly closed the door with a smile.

Later, when they sat on the couch with Kyungsoo's head on his shoulder, Minseok braved it, leaned to the side and placed a kiss on his forehead. Kyungsoo didn't complain or leave. He just closed his eyes and leaned a bit more weight on him.

 

Kyungsoo still thought that love was nothing but a bothersome fluke of hormones. One time, Yixing had said that self-fulfillment was no different in value, but Kyungsoo would rather invest his energy in something that was worth it in the long run. Being content with himself was nice, but so was company. It didn't come as a surprise, but Kyungsoo had always been wise enough to stay away from fleeting lust and sparks, because they were not the factors that determined meaningful company. He was rational about this, he really was. It would be a lie to say he felt no sparks at all, because those were unavoidable with someone like Minseok. But he could actually _see_ himself with him. Not just in bed or in cheesy love notes taped to the mirror, but actually see himself _living_ with this person.

Jongin and him had never worked out, but maybe this time, things would be different.

Kyungsoo wanted to try.

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was a Friday evening, two months after the shuffle had ended, when Jongin fell into his bed, freshly showered and positively exhausted. There was nothing better than the feeling of finally laying down after a hard workout. Luhan was still pouty over how much better at dancing Jongin had become in such little time, but he wasn't fazed. Dancing had always filled him with joy, and the fact that it kept him busy and allowed him to meet a few new people was a bonus. It had been years since his last ones, but Jongin had already signed up for recitals and competitions again. He was rather competitive by nature, and he was already quite fired up to work his hardest to ace those events. Surely, it would also bring him more modelling jobs, and maybe, just maybe, he could one day quit his part time job and live off one of the other two. That was just a far-away dream for now, of course. But that was perfectly fine.

 _Just think carefully about what you want_ , Jongdae had told him back then. That it was alright to take his time and figure things out first.

 _You need to have a strong foundation if you want to support someone_ , Yixing had said, much later.

At the moment, Jongin was still working on that foundation. He wanted to fill his life with people and activities, try a variety of things and whenever he discovered something new, he could still adjust his plans, because that was alright, too. The number of phone numbers he kept saved had diminished drastically - but Jongin didn't need any cheap company anymore. He wasn't looking for a quick fuck and he wasn't looking for love. Right now, he just wanted to look forward and become a stronger individual.

It was getting easier, but sometimes, like tonight, Jongin could feel it creeping back - the uncomfortable feeling of being alone in his own bed. That's why he reached for his phone, flipping through his conversations. He considered one or two, but then settled on a third one.

 

_Are you free tomorrow?_

 

The reply came almost instantly because Sehun was never too far from his phone.

 

_I'm free right now._

_If you have real breakfast this time._

 

Luckily, bread, eggs, and cheese were good enough for Sehun to actually leave the house. He had stopped asking about sex a long time ago, but he never refused Jongin platonic company, either. Jongin leaned back with a sigh. He may not have a lover, but company was always just one phone call away.

Tomorrow morning wouldn't be lonely.

 

* * *

  
  


It was a Saturday evening, four months after the love shuffle had ended, and the days were getting shorter, darker, and rainier. Jongdae opened the door to his apartment, and the first thing he did was stash away his dripping umbrella. Right after that, he went for the living room, following the light as well as the quiet sounds from the TV. Jongdae quickly found out that the volume had been turned down, in order to not distract Chanyeol from licking into Luhan's mouth - not that Jongdae could see Luhan from where he stood, but the sounds as well as the position of Chanyeol's mop of blue hair said it all. He crossed his arms and sighed.

"One day, a burglar will steal the entire interior and you two won't notice until you can't find the condoms anymore," he said jokingly. Immediately, two heads popped up to look at him over the headrest of the couch, all tousled hair and bright eyes.

"How can he steal everything of worth if you're not even around in the first place?" Luhan asked, and Jongdae rolled his eyes.

"You're back!" Chanyeol said, opening his arms in a silent demand for a hug. Jongdae decided to pad around the couch to take a seat between them, and he instantly had Chanyeol nosing around his neck like a very content puppy. Luhan chose to give him a peck on the cheek instead.

"How was your day?" he asked, and Jongdae sighed again.

"Long. Hard. And don't you dare give me an innuendo right now, I'm really tired."

"Oh _fine_ ," Luhan said in mock exasperation, "I don't think he's gonna be fun today, Yeol."

Jongdae remained unfazed and cuddled into Chanyeol's side, closing his eyes.

"If you want anything from me today, you gotta do aaall the work. I'm not gonna lift a single finger," Jongdae stated blankly, suppressing a yawn. "Where do you two even take all that energy, and how can you always be so horny?"

"Only for you," Chanyeol hummed, and his lips tickled against Jongdae's neck.

"Yep," Luhan said, popping the 'p', "you're the hottest guy in town, have you _still_ not noticed?"

"Flattery is not gonna get my pants off," Jongdae joked, but then took it all back, "seriously though. I'm so tired. The test run went on forever, I feel like I've lost all faith in human intelligence."

"You hungry?" Chanyeol cut him off, and god, Jongdae had passed the point of starving hours ago.

"Yeah, but I don't think I can eat too much."

"I'm sure Luhan will gobble down all of your leftovers, anyway," Chanyeol said placatingly as he went to the kitchenette to whip up something simple, ignoring Luhan's complaints. As it often was with Luhan, he quickly jumped back to the topic at hand, much less easily distracted than Chanyeol.

"How about you tell me all about it under a nice, hot shower? I was waiting for you so we could go together," he said, and it didn't sound sexual, though all three of them knew it very well _could_ turn sexual, if only they wanted it to. "Then we try to eat whatever curiosity Chanyeol will put on the table, and then we'll go to bed early? Good old cuddle pile or something."

Jongdae smiled.

"Sounds amazing."

 

Jongdae often thought of this when the two made his heart feel stupidly warm. About how damn lucky he was to have them. During the Love Shuffle, he had been able to gather such colorful experiences, had met so many people. He had gotten a taste of how people love, of what they expected from a partner. Jongin had yearned for company the most while Yixing preferred someone similar to him in terms of the mind, and Sehun wanted physical love without commitment. And Jongdae? He realized that he enjoyed protecting and admiring, but also wanted to be respected and appreciated, to sometimes be challenged and to explore things with others. And how lucky could he get, being with two people who, in their own ways, were all that and more?

Sure, this was still just the beginning. He had a long way ahead of him, all of them did. But right now, Jongdae felt like he was one step closer to understanding what love meant to _him_.

  
  


"Oh, and tomorrow we could head out for brunch?" Luhan asked as he made room for Jongdae under the hot spray. "There's this new Mediterranean restaurant that-"

"Nope," Jongdae shot him down immediately, reaching for the shampoo that Luhan wordlessly put in his hands.

"You got any plans?"

"Tomorrow's Sunday, Luhan," Jongdae said in the tone of an exasperated teenager.

"Oh."

Luhan didn't protest after that and dutifully soaped up Jongdae's hair. It would have been futile, anyway. Boyfriends or not, some things had priority.

 

And Sunday mornings were always reserved for hallway brunch with their neighbours.


End file.
